My Mother

[ucyocho]

Well my mother was diagnosed with advanced PC with liver mets on the 28th Aug (after 4 weeks of trying to get tests to see why she had lost so much weight so relatively quick I guess) and at that point the only real problems were weight loss and nausea. They then left it another week and a bit before seeing the oncologist who at that point said no chemo and was sent home to come back in two weeks. Again no to chemo as she wasn't by then fit enough. Well she wouldn't be would she as she had no meds and no help upto that point with the weight loss. Dr didn't think chemo would be effective and that to do it would need a biopsy which could make the cancer spread. 3 weeks later she collapses as muscles have all but gone and she is confined to a hospice bed. She is coming home on Tuesday as she wishes to die at home. its unbearable that you can't even try to put up a fight. I know they didn't know what was wrong but before diagnosis It really couldn't have been anything other than cachexia with that extreme weight loss is there no way to try and slow down the cachexia. I have seen several published papers to say there are ways but in this country we seem to dish out a diagnosis and send people home to fall apart without trying. Very sad and feeling angry that diagnosis seems to be a death sentance. Can't help but feel that my mothers age (75) has something to do with the lack of interest. I have read some horrendous stories on here about the struggle people have had to even get the slightest bit of help. its so wrong. Feeling defeated and so very sad for my mother.

[suef]

So sorry to hear about your mother. What a terrible illness this is. I wish you much courage for the days ahead. Thinking of you, Sue F

[susikus]

This is so hard isn't it? I am not sure how much your mother's age is playing a part in this, it shouldn't be and certainly in the part of the NHS I work in we largely discount age and look far more at how well each individual is. Pancreatic cancer is such a difficult one because someone can be well, feel fit and after a short illness be diagnosed with a terminal disease and no treatment will help. My husband is (I should say 'was') a strong fit man who was working until 6th August, aged 58. He has just had two lots of chemotherapy but we were told he was borderline for consideration as his 'performance status' wasn't really good enough. We had to press for it. I can see his decline - there are ups and downs but the trend is inexorably downwards and there is no way he can survive this and we have to try to make the best of every day we have. All of us I fear go through a 'why can't they do something, they must be able to do something' stage but unfortunately for many people there is little or nothing that can be done except palliative care - and that can be wonderful. I hope you are able to have some good times with your mother and how is your father now?

with love

Sue

[DRAD3]

So sorry to hear about your mum and the hopelessness that you must now be feeling. This cancer is such a terrible disease and I wonder whether the treatment (chemo) would be detrimental to your mum's quality of life - I do hope that the medical team she has been seeing have made their decision based on that, and that alone. I guess being that bit older and weakened already by the disease just adds to the reasons not to put her through any more discomfort. Chemo is no walk in the park even when you are relatively young and fit, as my husband was and it can certainly take its toll if you are not up to it, as I also discovered as his disease progressed and weakened him. It is so awful to have to face the fact that there is nothing that can be done and I am so sorry to hear that this is the case for your mum. I hate the hopelessness that often comes with PC - it is simply not fair that by the time it is discovered it is too late for most people. The speed and extent of its destruction still has the power to shock me. I do hope that you are able to come to terms with this terrible situation and share peaceful and happy times with your mum in the coming weeks. We are all here for you if you ever need the space to share your thoughts, anger and sadness.

Sending you love and strength.

Deb

x

[ucyocho]

my mother unfortunately died today. Very sad took the hospice staff by surprise. They called us at 5 am to say we should get there.she died at 8 am. It was very hard to watch but needed to be there for her. What do I do without her.

[suef]

Please accept my condolences at this very sad time. It must have been such a shock for you to be called with this terrible news so early in the morning. Now you must take care of yourself also, you will have a lot to do. I hope you can take comfort in the fact that your mother is no longer suffering. Very best wishes, Sue F

[DRAD3]

So, so sorry to hear your sad news. This disease can do its worst at a terrifying speed for some and you must feel absolutely devastated. No words can take that away but know that everyone here sends you a very warm and comforting hug and understands how you must be feeling today. Take your time and be kind to yourself - there are no rules, just follow your heart. We are here for you at any time.

lots of love

Deb

x

[susikus]

I am so, so sorry to hear about your mother. I know you knew it was coming eventually but I am sensing that this is a dreadful shock. I hope you are able to make peace with your father. Take care of yourself and your family. You will all feel very odd and unreal for a while, and it will seem very strange that the rest of the world appears to be carrying on oblivious to what is happening to you. We are here for you, sending you love and sincere condolences, Sue, xxx

[laura]

i would like to add my condolences, to that of my friends on here, so sad for you, with such a short time to try and get your head round what was happening to your dear mum, we are still here for you , anytime, i wish you lots of strength , and send you love, laura xx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi there,

I am very sorry to hear about the death of your mother, and so fast.

This can be the devastating path of this cancer, and so sad for those left behind who had to watch their loved one die.

Pancreatic Cancer UK would like to add their condolences to that of the other users on here, and I would also like to add my personal thoughts to you and your family at this sad time.

Jeni.