my friend wendy

[laura]

hi rachel, deb sue and everyone else that read my post about caring for a neighbour/friend and her husband, today i have been given devastating news that wendy has bone [mets probably from lung cancer nov 2009] in lower spine, its knocked me so much, she has no one other than a husband whose not brilliant himself, and their life together of 35 yrs ish has not been like most couples, and a blind sister in london area,

again i find myself where i cant sort this out, i dont know how to stop her being frightened, you'd think i would know all this with brians situation, wouln't you, yet i feel like a beginner, sorry to have posted on the p.c site, just felt you would all know me.

thinking of you all, sue, paul, deb and rachel not forgetting anyone else on here. love laura xxx

[susikus]

This is a very different situation though Laura, so it's not surprising you feel a bit out of your depth here, and it is also a shock. You do know quite a lot of things already though so you can use what you do know and be a friend and support. Just being there and being OK talking about cancer will be enormously helpful, but in the end no-one will stop your friend being frightened, because it is frightening. It would be frightening if it were you or me and perhaps you could acknowledge that? Hugs to you Laura - you ae a wonderful friend to this forum and all the people here. I have been reading your posts going back a long way and you give of yourself all the time. Take your courage in your hands, tell your friend you don't have any answers but you will help her and will always be there for her. Good luck, and lots of love, Sue

[DRAD3]

Oh Laura - so sorry to hear of your friend Wendy's devastating news. You are such a caring person and because of that you feel other people's pain, fear and sadness - it is a wonderful way to be but it does not mean you have all the answers. You just do what you do best, listen, care, share what you know, show your love and your kindness - it is really all you can do and all that can help anyway. I am sure your and Brian's courage will inspire your friend and her husband in this difficult time. Try not to take on too much, Laura. Oh for a magic wand eh? You know we are always here for you as you have always been for others. Take care.

Deb

x

[laura]

thanks girls, just what i needed someone to tell me what to do, hope ill be on track tomorrow!! carer just come and got her to bed she looked so tired and frail, but she will sleep ok i hope, carer back am to get her up. bri just said to me " are we going to eat today" oooops, so had bacon n tomatoes on toast, i will get the sack if this continues?

nitenite to you all and thanks love laura xxx

[charney]

Oh Laura i am so sorry to hear about your friend, what a time you are having.

you are here for everyone on this site, always posting and being so caring,helpful and supportive. Hopefully we can all be there for you, in some small way.

thinking of you

love and hugs

cheryl

[laura]

thanks cheryl, i still feel bit fraught, having trouble getting head round no treatment, still many before me have so must pull me socks up, so to speak, she is so gentle, needs cuddles etc, not really grown up, still as others have said must be there as i have been for 10yrs or so, thanks for your message cheryl, much appreciated, you take care, love laura x

[DRAD3]

Hi Laura - hope you are OK today and that you remembered to feed Brian - I did laugh at that!! Got to keep our humour in the midst of chaos and despair otherwise we would sink wouldn't we? Keep on going, Laura - you are an inspiration. Take care.

Much love

Deb

x

[laura]

hello deb, yes we had "dinner" at 9.00 tonight so bit earlier than last nite, took me most of the day to "buck up", spent quite a while sorting out medi alert, n nurse to come to change wendys patch. n other bits. managed to get ironing done!! am off to "work" tomorrow, i usually do two four hr shifts at our local hospice shop, its a change for me, also today, our friends who we first met at chemo june 2010, he has had bladder cancer, bowel also, and two growths on liver at differant times, which involved big ops, well he's got another one, but at least they will operate again, so must be thankful for that, he says he wont have it done untill after our cruise, which all of us go on 7th nov, talk about trying to test us!!!! anyway thanks for message deb, appreciated, you didnt answer my question to you, so guess i got it wrong? take care and talk soon, love and a hug laura xx

[DRAD3]

Hi Laura - I don't know how you do it - going to work and keeping up on the ironing? You are woman after my own heart! Didn't realise you had asked me a question - sorry must have missed that - what was it?

Thinking of you, as always - love to you and Brian.

Deb

x

[yorkypaul]

Jeez Laura! Where do you get your energy from and can I have some!

[laura]

hi deb and yorky paul, thanks for your messages, so kind, things still difficult with wendy, she appears so out of it, confused, i actually fed her twice today! cant believe how shes deteriorated so quick, bri has looked up re bone cancer, and says thats often how it is, so looks like we are in for a long haul.

deb, lol, i always try to keep busy, dont like things piling up, i think if someone had to come in here and look after me [ god forbid,lol ] i would be embarresed, im the same with sorting drawers etc! we live in quite a small place, n it keeps me busy. i just like things to be nice, i do rest and fall asleep sometimes.!!!!

yorkypaul, the answer is .......... i dont know, i did marry a toyboy! bri is 63 and i am 72, bri says he's a broken toy now!!!. im just a worker, had 4 children under 4 which was good practice!!! n i have had a busy working life, mostly caring. anyway hope you are ok deb, and yorkypaul hope that things are progressing for you both,

love to you both, stay strong and positive. love laura xxx

[susikus]

I had imagined you as younger Laura, you have a young aura! Funny isn't it how we build a picture in our minds even though we have little to go on? How old are your children now? I am sad to hear about Wendy - does she have other sources of help? So much for you to do - do take care of yourself. Lots of love to you, Sue

[laura]

hi there sue, Well!!!!! my eldest son is 52, i have boy and girl twins, just 50, youngest daughter 48. 5 granchildren youngest 17, eldest 32, 2 g gran children 2 and 11 regretfully things happen in families, and there is no contact with either sons, my choice as there were so many probs within extended family, [ money available !!!]

my youngest daughter who i love very much has had a drink and serious drug problem for many years, 30ish, our relationship has survived this, but sort of at a distance, for the last 14 years since we moved to cornwall, cos we couldnt help her and not being on hand, made it easier for me and bri, my twin girl, another lovely caring person, suffers from quite bad fibromyalgia [ as i do ] for her this has caused depression etc etc. but things seem to be improving. none of my children are brians but hes been brilliant,

yes wendy, mmmmm, have got a care team and macmillan in place so that helps a lot, but need to get bit more in place, am getting there slowly. shes much the same and so confused. they are working on control of pain.

thanks for asking , hope my monologue doesnt bore anyone, wishing everyone a peaceful time,

love laura xxxx

[DRAD3]

Hi Laura - so lovely to hear about your family - a rich tapestry. They must bring you great pleasure as well as some challenges, like all families I guess. It all makes us who we are doesn't it? You are an amazing lady, to be doing all that you do and with fibromyalgia which I know is no walk in the park - keep it up, Laura!

lots of love

Deb

x

[laura]

hello everyone, well my dear friend Wendy slipped away at teatime today, been in hosp 18days, i went in every night, even lay on the bed and cuddled her, i wasnt there, i was planning on going at my usual time, i am so sorry wendy , will love and miss you always xx

[susikus]

I am sending you my condolences and love Laura. You have been a wonderful friend to Wendy. She is at peace now. RIP Wendy.

with love, Sue

[charney]

Laura I am so sorry to hear about your friend, you are one amazing woman

you are there for Brian, you have been there for your friend and you are a constant

Agony Aunt giving advice where needed on this forum, you are truly remarkable.

My thoughts are with you, Love and Hugs

cheryl xx

[Ella50]

I'm so sorry to read about your dear friend..

Im sure your love and strength helped her so much.

Im remembering your amazing support to me when my mam was first diagnosed and I still thankyou for that.. you seem such a wonderful woman, the way you help others, and with so much going on yourself!

I'd just like to say my thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time.

Look after yourself..

Much love to you and Bri,

Ella xx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Dear Laura,

Just to echo what everyone else has said, PCUK would also like to extend their condolences to you at the passing of your dear friend.

You are truly a woman of great strength Laura. Thank you for looking out for others, and for all you do on the forums to help others.

Jeni, (sent from all of us here).

[DRAD3]

Oh Laura - so sorry to hear about Wendy. Be reassured that you have been the most wonderful friend and did everything you possibly could - she must have felt very loved and cared for - what more can any of us ask?

Sending you all my love at what must be a terribly sad time. You take some time now to take care of yourself (I know you don't think much about that) and I do hope Brian is doing OK and send love to him.

Lots of love

Deb

x

[louiepc]

Dear Laura

I am so sorry to hear of your friend Wendy. I haven't been able to come on this site too often, in recent months, not being in a very good place, so I missed your post back in September.

You are a lovely person, who takes a great deal of time in caring for others, not many people are as compasionate as you are. You have done a great deal in helping your friend, please don't beat yourself up that you wasn't with her at the end. She will have known how much you had done.

Take care, lots of love to you and Brian.

louie xxx

[laura]

hi all my friends, thank you so much for all your kind words, am very touched by them, i quite like the sound of me, seen through your eyes!!! i am amazed, truly, but thank you, all of you xxxx

louipec, oh my dear, i can hear your pain in both your posts, so sorry that your suffering is so deep, i really hope that your counselling will bring you some comfort, louie, have you forgotton how much you cared for and gave of yourself, to your dear mum??

you were a wonderful, caring daughter, there didnt seem anymore that you could have done.

i know you mentioned a while back, that you had other family disputes going on, do hope thats not pulling you down? and that they have calmed down.

you too are a mum, and a wife, and your mum would want you to live your life to the full and enjoy your family,

you, like me and probably most of our "family" on here, are great at giving advice, but not so hot taking it on board when its given to us?

thinking of you louie and sending you a big squishy hug, love laura xxx

[yorkypaul]

Hi Laura

I am so saddened to hear of the loss of your dear friend Wendy. You are such a strong and caring person! I am sure Wendy appreciated what a great friend she had in you. Take care and be sure to look after yourself as well. You matter too you know!

Hugs,

Paul

[Lulu]

Laura, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Wendy would have known I am sure what a support you were to her, you could not have done any more than you did. I have read and always looked for your posts over the last few months before I had the courage to post myself as your words always gave me hope. I do not think you realise this but you are a truly inspirational lady and you are helping so many more of us than you know x