Information for teenagers

[tc0001]

Hi

My Mum has recently been diagnosed with inoperable pc. I have 2 children aged 11 and 14 and am desperately looking for books or websites to help them. I am waiting til this weekend when their SATS are over before I tell them. My problem is many of the books for children seem to be aimed at younger children. I don't want to patronise my 14 year old but on the other hand I don't want him to read some of the adult books and scare him. Any advice would be greatfully appreciated.

[kim]

Hi there, sorry to hear about your Mum. I was in the same position last April with my Mum, I have 4 children aged 7, 13, 14 and 18. I couldn't find anything so decided to just sit down with them all and be as honest about the situation as I could be while still being careful not to scare them. I kept focused on the fact that she was going to receive treatment and that it would help to make her feel alot better. In my Mums case we knew there would not be a cure and I was very careful not to mention that she would be 'cured' one day just that we could make her feel better. We took one day at a time and explained what was happening all along ( although not every little detail obviously) I think you will know instinctively as a Mum how much to tell them and when. My children coped ever so well with the situation and I'm very proud of how they handled it.

Have you tried contacting the local Macmillan nurses? They may have some ideas or literature for you.

Good luck to you and your family, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kim

[tc0001]

Hi Kim

I'm sort of in the same situation and know there is no cure. I've read all the leaflets about being open and honest and know there is no point lying about it. What worries me most is my eldest tends to keep everything in and then lash out when it is least expected.

Thanks for your reply

Tracey

[kim]

Hi Tracy,

How are you?

Is your 14 year old a boy by any chance? I think boys of that age probably find it harder to cope. My 14 year old son was mortified if he cried in front of us, we had to explain that its totally normal and that it often catches us when we least expect it, like me in Wyvale garden centre in December looking at the xmas decorations, all of a sudden I was in floods of tears and on my own! How embarrassing!!

After my Mum passed, the local hospice run by Macmillan Nurses contacted me and asked if either myself or my children wanted to talk to somebody. Even though my mum never went into the hospice they are still there for you. Well worth a try I think.

Good luck Tracy, and although you worry about your children don't forget about you too.

Kim XX

[tc0001]

Hi

Told the kids what was happening this weekend. Had a few tears from my youngest. Feel better that its out in the open and they won't find out from someone else. Mum starts chemo on Monday so fingers crossed it all goes smoothly.

Best wishes to everyone

Tracey

[megascops]

My Mum was diagnosed with inoperable pancreas cancer in September. She has been on holiday with the grandchildren aged 11,15 and 17 three times since then, also they came to my uncle's funeral with her. They're pretty good about it most of the time, very sympathetic, but sometimes they're just moody teenagers. It's good that they care but it mustn't ruin their lives too.