No bed available at hospital for gastric bypass!!!

[yorkypaul]

Andrera's first grandchild is due anytime now. She sooo wanted to be a part of this little boy's life. I am very excited waiting for him to arrive! I have been finding life very difficult lately. I hope this will give me the additional focus that I need. Sadly, life is still very empty, but I am working hard at keeping afloat (with help from friends). It's what my lovely Andrea wanted me to do. Sometimes not sure I am up to it. I read all your posts but, sadly, am not always strong enough to offer advice and support. My goal is still to fundraise against this vile disease. PC UK have already sent us some resources to this end. Hope they understand the delay in getting to grips with doing it. I'm sure they do.

Love thoughts and prayers are with you all. Hugs,

Paul x

[DRAD3]

Hi Paul - so lovely to hear from you. Know that you are in our thoughts and nice to know that you are still visiting the forum. I know that sometimes it is difficult to muster the energy to do anything but do not feel guilty about that - you will get done what you can. There is no rush after all. I have been low this week - a couple of problems happened at home that Gary would have just sorted in his efficient way and I was left floundering, feeling pretty useless and wanting to cry because he was not there to step in and take control. The feeling of loss just hit me again - I don't suppose it will ever go away totally. It is so hard and I feel for you, knowing that you are in the same boat. Take care, Paul and keep strong.

love

Deb

x

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Dear Paul,

So sorry to hear that you are feeling low and finding things hard to cope with right now. Of course, this is hardly surprising, and the ordeal you went through when Andrea was so unwell is probably catching up as well. Sometimes we forget how much it takes out of us when we invest emotionally in something. It can be very different to physical investment . It leaves you feeling bereft, and of course, you will do having lost your wife.

It is good to know that there is a new little life on its way to bring some joy to you all! And that is exactly what will happen. As time goes by, there will be happy memories, and the soul will begin to heal - but it does take time, and for some, longer than others. Go easy on yourself, and allow the process to take place at the pace which is right for you.

And of course, please do not worry about the fundraising aspect until you feel well and truly able to face it. There is no rush Paul. In fact, it is better to wait until the right time, and we are not going anywhere, so we are happy to have your support whenever you feel up to it.

Take care Paul,

Jeni.

[Sammy-Lou]

Just wanted to say that I have been thinking of you Paul, I hope you are doing ok and the new addition has provided a welcome distraction and a much needed injection of love into your heart. Hope to see an update from you soon, you are in my thoughts x

[yorkypaul]

Hi Sam. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I am going up to see the new baby boy next Sunday for the first time. I am sooo excited. I have been working six and a half days a week lately and, I have to say, I am getting very tired now. I intend to knock Sunday mornings on the head the week after next and return to just six days. Life is very much a rollercoaster. Some days the loss of my darling Andrea just overwhelms me and I fall apart.When I walk the dogs in the early morning I look at the trees and think of what she told me: "I will always be with you. When the trees rustle as you walk by, that will be me." I have some good friends who are giving me lots of support. One friend calls in very early in the morning a couple of times a week for a cuppa before work. Another couple invite me for tea every Thursday evening. Another couple have me there for a chinese and a DVD on a Saturday night. One of our mutual friends texts me most nights to say goodnight (me and Andrea were witnesses at her wedding last year). Members of my family ring me often. I am very lucky to have such a support network of loving, caring people. However, there comes a point every day, when I am alone, when it sinks in...the finality...the loss and emtiness. I expect that I will get used to it one day and accept the situation.

I look on the site every day, but am at a loss as to what I can say to help and support others. I hope this will change as I grow stronger.

I send a big hug to everyone on the site. I offer my positive thought, hopes and prayers to you all.

Paul x