Ella - My Amazing Mam, Passed, Devastated 10.07.12

[Ella50]

My Amazing Gorgeous Mam passed in the early hours of Tuesday morning 10 July 2012, peaceful, no pain.. at our local hospice.. my dad was with her- where she was moved from the ward to the hospice on Thurs morning 5th- That was the best thing for her, had lovely views of the gardens,, also when nurses came around with the drinks trolly - 'happy hour' she called it (sip of baileys)((mam kept her humour and didnt want anyone sad, friends and family couldnt beleve her amazing spirit)) and the staff there were lovely.

So we had loads of happy times !! and people must have thought we were mad, all laughing around her bed!! love her xx it also made her happy seeing us all pull together and be there for her as a family.

Although naturally she shed some tears, and must have been many tears alone with my dad.

Through earlier cpl posts, you may have followed our journey.

Sunday was her first emotional day - 'she knew' .. in and out of two worlds.

She slept most of Monday but was still able to say loving things to us, and call the nurses etc..

Passed 4.19 am Tues morning- the time that I suddenly woke up at home and looked at the clock- at 4.19 xx

The month of May she had all her scans and results..

Her last day out was May 18 for ice-cream by the beach.. she struggled with her DVT in her leg..and we were just waiting for another 'good' day so that we could take her to bingo etc..but that 'good' day never came.

Everything that was delivered to the house she never had the chance to use- zimmer, commode etc.. just everything happened so so fast. Heartbreaking.

Her strength was amazing and she has given that to us.. the chats we had as a family , holding hands around her bed..............Priceless. also heartbreaking, surreal, loving...

My mam put everything in order straight away, and even told us everything that she would like or didnt want.. eg,. songs for her funeral (always had her 3 favourite songs), didnt want any crappy paper plates at her buffet, also picked my cousins wedding gift.. and my nephews birthday present (her 6yr old grandson, her two eyes) that she knew she wldnt be here for his bday in Sept..

Amazing woman, wife, mam and nan.. who was so lovely and always thought of others. she was too young to go at 62.

My mam never once complained, and didnt like putting the nurses out.. they all thought the world of her. Everyone who knew her loved her.

Hope my mams story has helped you and continue to help others.. as she always has..

To all of you whose storys have helped me over the last few months, thanku X

Edited August 15, 2012 by Ella50

[laura]

oh ella ! my heart goes out to you, and your dad and family, what a lovely post, your mam will be delighted!! shes obviously passed her courage and strength to you, her struggle is over, but a new one for all of you i guess,

thank you for your kind words to us all.

take care, do post and let us know how you are?

love and strength speeding to you. laura xx

[charney]

Im sorry to read your post, my heart goes out to you and your family,

Your Mam sounds like one amazing lady. xxx

[Ella50]

Thankyou so much Laura and Charney..

Feeling a bit lost today..

We had a little laugh ordering her flowers.. we have arranged a flower bingo board and blobber also, a little extra flower arrangement as she loved her bingo so much..

Funeral next week, I am dreading it.

Hope your both ok.. How is Bri doing..

Love Ella xx

[laura]

hello ella, am sure you feel lost, you have been so busy and occupied careing, planning and you and your needs have been pushed to the back, you dont realize untill you stop doing these things, that it hits you, how tired, exhausted, etc that you feel.x

the next few days will be a difficult journey for you and i guess your emotions will be all over the place, try not to expect too much from yourself, you were totally there for your mam, and its going to leave such a gap in your life,

be kind to you ella, your life goes on!

love laura xx

bris doing good, thanks ella xx

[rachelqt]

Dear Ella,

I am so sorry to read about your Mam. Such a wonderful lady she seemed. She did not let this horrendous illness take away her sense of humor!

Take care of yourself Ella

Much love Rachel xx

[littlesister]

So sorry but what a lovely leave-taking.

[louiepc]

Hi Ella

Sorry to hear about your Mum. My heart felt condolences go to you and your family.

It is an absolutely horrendous time that you are going through, and to be honest, no words can take away the pain that you are feeling. Take each day at a time, don't expect too much of yourself. If you want to cry, scream etc do so. Don't worry if you think that you have suddenly "forgotten" events, this is normal.

I hope that everything goes as well as it can be for the funeral. Again, don't expect too much from yourself, its absolutely draining and you will probably need a really good sleep afterwards.

Take care hunny. Post as often as you need to.

love louie xxxx

[Ella50]

Hi All..

Would just like to say my mams funeral was yesterday.. and it was a Beautiful sunny day yesterday for a Beautiful lady ♥

You deserved the best Mam and got the best. (no plastic plates- you wanted china! lol)

My Mother was one in a million.. and it's a great comfort to know she had such great friends and how much people cared for her, we were overwhelmed with over 230 people attending yest, and so many visits to her obituary online..

It was an amazing day, in a strange way. So many friends turned out for a few (or too

many) drinks and buffet at our local club.. it was good.. and I only hope that we done her proud.

I just want to say a big thankyou to everyone on here for your kind messages of support.. Louie your right, I feel totally drained.. And Im just trying to take one day at a time..like you all say, to try not to expect too much of myself...

I feel a part of me is missing.. where do I go from here?.. its so hard.

My mother loved 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow' & I know for certain that is where she is ♥ X X X

Love Ella xx

[DRAD3]

So glad that the sun shone for your Mum, Ella...and it continues to shine - perhaps it is your Mum's lovely personality that is shining down on us all now she is over the rainbow!? Bless her.

I am sure you did her proud and will continue to do so. Take some time to rest as you will be so tired. As always, we are all here for you whenever you need to share anything. Love to your and your family.

Deb

x

[Ella50]

Hi Deb, Thank you so much for your lovely kind thoughts..

I have just read about your lovely husband and am so so sorry for your loss.. So many heartbreaking stories on here..

The feelings of loss can be overwhelming cant they, I do hope you are doing ok?..

My sister has her young son to keep her going.. I need to take stock I think, and may look into booking a holiday soon for me and my partner.

My daughter is grown up. How old is yours?

My thoughts & prayers are with you..

Lots of Love Ella xx

[Ella50]

Hi Louie, just read about the passing of your lovely mum.. (Im afraid im not too up to speed with everyones stories)

I am so so sorry for your loss.. Hope your doing ok?

Im still a bit all over the place, all still so raw..

Maybe a holiday soon...

Take care hunny

Love Ella xxxx

[charney]

Hi ella

I glad everything went well on Friday and the sun shone,

thinking of you, keep strong

cheryl x

[Ella50]

Thankyou so much Cheryl, that means alot..

Hope all ok with you and your loved one..

Take care, Love Ella xx

[louiepc]

Hi Ella

I'm glad that everything went well on Friday.

I'm not too bad, I think I hit rock bottom about 2/3 months after mum went, the anger that I had was awful, I was unrecognisable. I started counselling in April, and it has really helped. I still miss mum, and think about her all the time, but I am calm now, I can think about her and not burst into tears or want to rip someones head off. My mum has now visited me 3 times in my dreams, each time we have a conversation of me asking how she is and she saying, I'm really good and happy and well. the last dream I had, she was chatting to me on the phone, something we did every single day, in the dream, she said I'll be popping by in a few weeks, to see you. Well, a few weeks later, I happened to be getting something out of a bookcase that I never go to, and a beautiful photo of mum on her wedding day fell out of some books into my hand. That makes me feel so lucky and special, she's still around and I feel her near me quite often.

It's not easy, and every person is different, and also peoples relationships can change after a close loved one has died. My Dad and I have a tense relationship now, we had got very close as he had a major operation just 5 days after mum went, but things soured, we are starting to get back to being father/daughter but things change, and what you think people will be like, don't necessarily happen. I don't think it is uncommon, I have a friend who lost her brother and realised that she was in an unhappy marriage. I think death makes you take a reality check, you realise life is so damm short, why be unhappy.

I am off on holiday on Friday, I'm nervous to be honest, I want to go, and desperately need to go, but we went away exactly the same time last year, and I am dreading coming home and the memories of last year resurface.

Take care, thanks for reading my blog.

love louie xxx

[Ella50]

Hi Louie,

I can so understand everything you have said and it brings tears to my eyes. My emotions are all over the place.. as soon as I knew my mam was terminal I started to grieve and had so much anger then. I put my feelings on hold as all my energy was focussed around my mam, but now everything has stopped, its hitting me.

Also people you thought would be there for you ,arent.

I am on a waiting list to see a counsellor, am so glad its helped you, as hoping talking to someone will help me.

Its lovely that your mam has talked to you, and I am sure they are with us everyday. I got a white feather in the kitchen from my mam, telling me she is ok.

You coming accross your mothers photo like that is so lovely- what a wonderful thing to happen!! It must bring you so much comfort.

Sorry about you and your dad.. I hope things work out for you both . Emotions do run high at this time.. and your right it does put alot of things into perspective.

Taking a holiday, having a change of scene will hopefuly give you time to reflect and relax, and me too. Im sure it will do us both the world of good and what our mams would want for us. Take a deep breath.. Im sure your mam will be with you and helping you all the way.. Take it easy..

Thinking of you always

Lots of love Ella xx