brother dying so much unresolved in his life

[littlesister]

In and out of coma, a few sips of a drink each day, still waiting to leave us and I have a view, which may be daft, that he is waiting for one special person to come before he can let go. She was due to come on Friday but didn't and now we don't know when she will come. I don't want to share this view with her because it may leave her to carry guilt, besides which it may be a load of rubbish.

[DRAD3]

I have heard this before and tend to agree with you but it is difficult, isn't it, to voice your thoughts in such situations. One can never be absolutely sure - perhaps you can just say to her that her visiting would be really welcome and hope that she comes. Deb xx

[littlesister]

Already told her on Friday by text that her visit would be the icing on the cake and he could perhaps slip away contented. Didn't receive a reply to the text and she didn't mention it when I spoke to her so either it got lost in the ether or? I don't feel I can put it any stronger than that without making her feel guilty. I care very much for her but as I said in my very first post it is such a complicated situation and I feel my brother has helped greatly in constructing it. Showing emotions are not big in my family, indeed I am considered a bit over the top!

[farmers wife]

I believe your instincts are right. Let us hope the special person comes soon.

I am with you, thinking of you and wish for peace for your brother and all of those that he loves.

Look after you

Karen x

Edited August 20, 2012 by farmers wife

[littlesister]

I am furious, last week when counting the ampules of morphine, they seemed to be 2 short, the adult safeguarding team was sent out and decided on a locked box. My brother's partner asked how this would work and was told everyone would have a key, she asked about the rapid response team and was told they too would have a key. Last night my brother was in pain and the rapid response team were called, guess what they didn't have a key and no

one could be contacted with a key. They have been called roughly 3 times a week since he became very, very ill so it is not an unusual circumstance. It is now nearly 10am and they await the DN who can unlock the box and give him a morphine shot. So much for pain free deaths. Miscounting obviously happened somewhere along the line and my brother has to suffer for it and I mean suffer. Boy are there going to be complaints and official ones too, in the meantime my poor brother and his sick partner have had to suffer through no fault of their own.

[littlesister]

Well blow me down, was with my brother yesterday and whilst he couldn't really talk, slept most of the time, he was taking water through a syringe, whilst there was no doubt he was dying, he is unbelievably thin, his breathing is very shallow and he is either in and out of a coma, or in and out of a very deep sleep, he is a however a good colour and has a pretty strong pulse. Baffling. More baffling still, he woke this morning, spoke asking when dinner is and ate a bowl of ice cream! We reckon this is the first time he has eaten anything for about 3 weeks and he ate it all!!!

I booked a holiday for September, thinking he would have been gone for some time by then and I would need it, now however...................

My brother's partner's daughter has arrived from Oz for 3 months, again, we all thought, she would be here after the event and it would help in comforting MBP, for her daughter it was to be the chance to be with her terminally ill mother, now it looks like it is to help her mother look after my brother. The Marie Curie nurse has started to come regularly now and the ampule incident looks like it was an accounting error, still however, the locked case is there and there has been no explanation as to why the emergency team did not have access the other night. This dying is such a long haul for my brother, who in lucid moments manages to tell us he wants to die, his body however, does not seem to want to go.

[littlesister]

Such a long and bloody awful struggle is now over, my big brother died about an hour ago. He taught me about Sinatra, Ella and modern jazz. He took me to nursery, I plagued him and his teenage friends, he looked after me and my children when I came back to this country. He fixed things for me when they broke and we always argued, yet were so much alike in our politics, ethic and our social attitudes. So bloody complicated but at least we were able to express verbally that we loved each other over the last few weeks. Such mixed emotions and now the struggle of his funeral.

[laura]

my condolences to you, you, i think, have done all you could and more, your big brother is at peace, and i hope now that you get some too, with love laura xx

[Ella50]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

I write with deep sadness as I realise the struggle and bravery of our loved ones ..

Your brother is now pain free.. you done him & your family proud.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

Take care.. keep in touch

Love Ella xx

[louiepc]

I am sorry that your brother has gone, he is now at peace and out of pain. What a strong man he was, you did everything you could for him.

Take care, love louie xxx

[DRAD3]

So very sorry to hear that your brother has died. You have been a pillar of strength to him and his partner. It is lovely that you had that precious time to communicate your love for one another and for your family to make peace - that will certainly help you in the weeks and months to come. So lovely to have "met" you but so sad that the circumstances had to be as they are. Another sad loss. Sending you my love and will be thinking of you.

Deb

x

[littlesister]

Thank you for your kinds words, Deb, Louie and Ella. Wiped out Sunday, just hoping funeral goes without any rancour. Feel strangely alone since I no longer have siblings,having also lost my sister to cancer some years ago; thankfully I have wonderful children who make me feel very loved and needed and hopefully, I will not see any other loved ones suffer such pain again.

[charney]

I am so sorry of your loss, I lost my mother in law on Sunday also, two more

brave people lost to this wicked disease.

my thoughts are with you and your family as I know what a hard emotional time this is right now.

best wishes

cheryl xx

[littlesister]

Cheryl, I am so sorry. I expect it has also been a hard roller coaster for you all, not to mention the pain and associated awful symptoms of our loved ones. So glad they are free of this beast but.......................

[Support Team]

I am very sorry to hear that your brother has died. Please accept my condolences on behalf of Pancreatic Cancer UK.

Anna

[rachelqt]

Im so sorry to read about your brother. You were so strong and brillant for him and his wife. Im glad that you both were able to get your feelings across in the final weeks.

Takecare of yourself

Rachel x

[littlesister]

Thank you Rachel,

well my worries about the funeral are no longer because I won't be there. I booked and paid for a holiday begining 7th Sept a while back, haven't had a holiday for long time, no longer needed so going. Funeral looks like it will be 11th.... My wonderful children will be there to support MBP and their cousins and I know they will do it well. MBP wants me to record some sort of address and I will do that. The last time I cancelled a holiday and lost loads of money was for a grandchild who was very ill and his parents needed support and help. This time, I can no longer help, have stand ins, thanks to my children and I am going. So no sweat, I trust they will all be aware of each other's feelings and needs and I will be elsewhere, taking care of my love for good wine, good cheese, good company and being thoroughly self indulgent.I will of course, be thinking of them all and raising a glass to my brother on the day.