Update on my Dad

[rachelqt]

Hi everyone,

Its been a while since I posted about dad but im now writing this with a heavy heart. Im taking him to the Hospice in the morning. He is very tearful about it all and i just feel so so sad for him. I think he has been in denial for a year and the realisation of his disease has finally hit him.

He has gone downhill week by week after his bypass and has now lost 2 stone in 10 weeks. He is suffering from chronic fatigue and is wiped out everyday, no energy for nothing. The dietican has just discovered on thurday that the micro creon we have been using is not the right strength for him. He is trying to take complan the drink but the granules just float at the bottom. We have now started on the capsules in the vein hope that it might help retain weight. He has no pain at all which is a comfort.

We had a meeting thursday past with the oncologists and they were willing to give him a month to see if he could build himself up before considering more chemo (not sure if they were just being kind to him). Our local GP and nurse who has been dressing his wound have different option and feel that he is dying.

They have suggest the Hospice, and dad has made the decision to go in as he feels so awful. I hope they can help him feel more comfortable and give him a boost.

I just feel so emotionally drained with it all, but my dad still has hope and as long as he does so will I!

Love to all, Rachel xx

[susikus]

Hugs to you Rachel. I hope the move to the hospice is a really positive one for you and your dad. It may be that he is going downhill, or it may be that the stay in the hospice will give him the opportunity to recuperate and come home again. Hopefully he will get really good help with diet, medication, nausea and everything that makes life better for him. Is the hospice near enough to you to keep popping in? Lots of love to you and let us know how the move goes.

[PCUK Nurse Dianne]

Hi Rachel,

Sorry to hear of your father's current state and how difficult this will be for you all. I hope the trip to the hospice today goes well. I am sure this may be a comforting time as it may relieve some of the strain and responsibility for you, and also knowing that your father is receiving expert care in a welcoming environment. We are all thinking of you in the time ahead and hope your father settles in to the new environment.

Thinking of you,

Dianne

[DRAD3]

Hi Rachel

So sorry to hear about your Dad. Fingers crossed that he settles well into the hospice and that he receives tonnes of TLC allowing him to feel better and for you to recoup some energy reserves - you must be exhausted and feeling pretty low. Will be thinking of you and sending lots of love to you, your Dad and your family. Keep strong, hard as it must be.

Deb

x

[rachelqt]

Hi Everyone

What a difference 24hrs make!

Took dad to the Hospice at 11am this morning, he was totally exhausted, he never slept the night before with worry. Dad associates the Hospice as somewhere you dont come out off but think his veiw has changed on that. Got him settled and have to say such lovely staff there was and a nice relaxed atmosphere than the hospital. Left him at lunch time and revisited at 7pm. He was so well rested and was up for good conversation when we came back, different man from what we have been dealing with at home. He said he felt slightly better as he did not have to tackle any stairs in the hospice like he has been doing at home to use the bathroom.

He managed to eat better (far better food than the hospital he tells us..lol).

They did his bloods so will find out the results of them tomorrow. They are also looking into the possibility of diabetes. They will assess him for 48hrs and see what can be done for him.

Tonight i feel in a better place as he is in the best place at the minute. The nurses sure know their stuff about medication and treatment.

Think I will sleep a little better tonight!

Hope everyone is well, have not had time to catch up with everyone on here with everything going on with dad. Hello to everyone that has just joined, my heart is with you all, and I know how difficult a time this is for you all. You will find good support on here xx

Deb, hope your keeping as well as you can be, im sure your having your ups and downs, takecare of yourself xx

Thanks for the support everyone...Rachel xx

[yorkypaul]

Hi Rachel

So pleased that he is more relaxed and in a restful and caring environment. This will be good for you too. You will now be in a better place emotionally to give the love and support that is vital to him.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I would be so glad as a dad (which I am to 3 now grown up kids) to have you in my corner!

Love and best wishes,

Paul

[DRAD3]

What fantastic news Rachel - another example of how the hospice and palliative care teams really do make an amazing difference. I really understand your relief at knowing your Dad is well cared for, relaxed and feeling safe and secure himself. He will sleep well, as will you and what a difference that will make to your wellbeing. Here's hoping your Dad has lots of great days ahead, Rachel, and you have lots of wonderful times to share as a family.

lots of love

Deb

x

[laura]

hi rachel, so sorry not replying earlier. a neighbour/friend/ someone i keep an eye on, has been ill and now admitted to hosp, her hubby had a fall, been a nightmare, trying to sort things out as they have no family, bri bit fraught with me !!, bit jealous i think, but he says he worries about me doing too much!!

i am really so sorry about the way things have progressed with your dad, but pleased that you and he are happy with the hospice, it will allow you to catch your breath wont it?

isnt it maddening about the creon, and what appears to be lack of knowledge from some of the professionals ? i am sure it has made such a differance to brian and allowed him to regain weight, hopefully dad too will benefit.

think about you and yours often and so hope things improve, please let us know when you have a mo.

wishing everyone else, susekis, yorkypaul. deb x etc, lots of strength and send my love,

laura xxxxx

[susikus]

That is lovely to hear Rachel. I hope you and your dad have had a good night's sleep and you can have a lovely visit today.

lots of love

Sue

[charney]

Rachel I havent been on this site for a few days and have only just read

about your dad. I am glad he is feeling brighter in the hospice and that they

are getting his meds right, they truly are amazing places. My thoughs are with you,

wishing you all well

love

cheryl xxx

[DRAD3]

Just wanted to say to Laura what an absolute star I think you are! To be caring for your lovely Brian and also to be taking time out to care for those around you in addition to be reaching out to your "forum family" - you are an angel on earth, Laura. Take care of yourself too - I am sure Brian tells you the same! Much love to you and everyone on the forum.

Deb

x

[rachelqt]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all for your lovely replies, they mean alot to me and really do help me as I know each and everyone of you all understand.

@ Laura I know your never too far away..lol I could not agree with Deb more, you are a STAR! Please please takecare of yourself too!

Dad had a bad day yesterday battling his tiredness and mood wise was very low. Today however a bit better, think maybe it had to do with the fact that he had his first ever sleeping tablet that night (Ironic I know!) With taking the steriods he does not sleep well at night.

They have said his bloods were not too bad and they want to scan his abdominal area on Tuesday. They are still looking at his blood surgar levels. He is taking some type of high energy shots 4 times a day as well as his complan and the odd snack, so thats a good improvement (will not hold my breath, as with my dad it may only last a few days.lol). His creon dosage is up and diarrhea seems to be alot less. They have also been dressing his operation wound with honey! Honestly he is getting the best of care in the Hospice and I am so grateful for them. I know its early days but I really hope we can get him feeling a bit better again so he can have some more quality time.

Thinking of you all...Rachel xx

Hope everyone is

[louiepc]

Hi Rachel

Ahh honey, sorry to hear that your poor dad has gone through the mill. I am pleased that he seems to have perked up in the last few days, lets hope and pray that he does get more quality time with all of you.

@ Laura are you are an angel, hope Bri is well and you are looking forward to your holiday.

louie xxx

[laura]

hello rachel, oh dear isnt this damned disease a jekyl and hyde, get used to one scenario and it all changes again.

pleased that dad got a good nights sleep, nothing quite like it is there? coo, thats a sign of my age, lol x

am sure the hospice will do all in their power to improve things for dad, and subsequently you, he's really a very lucky man to have such a supportive, caring daughter, lovely when there is a loving relationship between the generations.

hope you both have a good weekend, is the hospice far from you rachel?

deb and rachel, well, what a response from you both,? i am overwhelmed, i do what needs doing and dont really think about it, but really, THANK YOU, made me feel humble.

my friend/neighbour still in hosp had mri scan to try locate pain, had lung cancer just before bri was diagnosed, so am bit anxious? I have asked for a care package to be put in place, as am aware that i cannot go on as i have been, cos noone will get the best of me. so am hopeful that will happen, and they will get a buzzer system to call for help, just to take pressure off.

had lazieish day, just cake making, n tidying up [ and a sleep!!]

anyway my friends, thinking of you all. and deb, your on my mind a lot, hows you? is it bad at the moment, well i know its bad all the time, but just now, is it more difficult? sorry if ive got it wrong, just "felt" you were more distressed xx

goodnight all and hope tomorrow's good for dad rachel . love laura xxx

[rachelqt]

Hi everyone,

My poor brave dad has taken a turn for the worse.

This has to be the saddest time of my life. I thought I would be prepared for this time, after all I have lived, breathed and researched pancreatic cancer for a year, but no, its so so difficult.

Dad got out of his bed on Tues morn to get himself cleaned for heading to hospital for his scan, only for him to faint and have a high temp set in, he was also told that his liver function is not good and he is very jaundiced now. His eyesight had went blury but today has returned to normal. Today he cant pass urine so had to have a catheter put in place.

Doctors feel his tumor is obstructing his liver and wanted to scan him too see if there was a way to relieve it, this cant happen now as he is so weak.

My only saving grace is that he is very peacefully at present. No pain but he so sad himself that he has to leave this world soon. He gets my face and stares and smiles at me, so sad as he is taking his last looks. My poor mum, they were married 35years yeterday. Such a wonderful couple and I now worry about how she is going to cope without him. We sit and talk about old times and then he flashes a smile while he sleeps beside us.

He is so content in the Hospice, he feels safe. Such wonderful people! Not sure how long it will take, days or weeks? but typical dad said he wants it "quick and clean, all this medication is not me"

He is such a good soul, I hope he continues to be peaceful

Love to you all, Rachel xx

Have not been a great support on here lately but I do be thinking about you all xx

[laura]

oh rachel my dear, i did wonder if all was not well, not like you not to be "around"

i really dont know what to say to you, i am truly sorry to read about your dad. rachel you have been such a rock for both your mum and dad. im sure they are so grateful

it is good that dad is in a safe place, where he feels happy, i so hope the peace continues, you will find strength rachel, from deep within, as you have before.

my thoughts and loving wishes are on the way to you, update when u can, we are here for you.

love laura xxx

[susikus]

Hugs Rachel, it is hard isn't it? I am pleased that your dad is comfortable and not in pain. What is coming is completely unpredictable timing wise. When my dad died at home the MacMillan nurses explained how the body shuts down bit by bit with breathing and then heart being the last functions to go, and we could see that process happening. By that time he had a syringe driver in place and was very peaceful. The difficult bit for us had been when he was becoming iller, constipated, confused and that was about 2-4 weeks before he died. I know things won't be the same for your dad. I hope that you get some lovely peaceful time with him and can treasure his last days. Look after yourself and your mum - lots of hugs needed. I wish you strength and peace and joy and love, Sue

[rachelqt]

Thanks Laura and Sue x

Im just taking a quick rest at home and to see my two girls, feel so guilty as my time has been limited with them, but sure they are at that lovely innocent age where they will not be effected too much by their granda's passing.

Dad is still hanging in there, even though he wishes he wasn't! He has had enough now, his kidney function is starting to fail him, jaundice is set in and the weakness and tiredness is beyond a level I cant even discribe. Dont think it will be too much longer before he is unconscious. He is comfortable and we have been so lucky to say our goodbyes.

We have laughed about old time and cried so much over this past few days, we just want him to slip away peacefully now.

Love to all...Rachel xx

[laura]

dear rachel, my heart goes out to you, i wish you peace and strength, and for dad comfort and peace, i am lost for words really, we have been here for each other for a long time, sending you my love, laura xxxx

[suef]

Dear Rachel, thinking of you and wishing you all much courage and strength, do keep us posted. We are here for you xx

[susikus]

Sending you love and strength Rachel, and thinking of you at this very special time.

Sue

[charney]

Rachel I am so sorry to hear about your dad, my thoughts are with you and your family

at such a difficult time.

all my love

cheryl

xx

[NICOLA]

Hi Rachel

So sorry to read your recent posts, this is such a mirror imaage of how it was with my mam at the end. I hope he is peaceful at the end my mam wasnt, thinking of you.

Lots of Love Nicola.

[DRAD3]

Dear Rachel - so very sorry to hear that your Dad is nearing the end. Wishing that he continues to be pain free and peaceful and so glad that you have been able to say your goodbyes and show how much you love each other. We are here for you, Rachel and are thinking of you and sending all our love to you, your lovely Dad, your Mum and all your family.

Deb

x

[louiepc]

oh Rachel,

I am so very sorry that your Dad is so poorly. He seemed to be doing so well, I had real high hopes for him. I do hope that you get some more time with him, but I know, sadly, that it probably isn't going to happen.

Your girls will be fine, they are such a young age, that things go into a "normal" box, at somepoint down the line, a different "normal" will happen and they will carry on. They love you and want their mummy to be happy, which sadly you are not at the moment, let their lovely cuddles keep you going.

I know my kids were the ones that pulled me through, the reason to get up each day, and to put one foot in front of the other. It is so very very hard, over the next few weeks and months you will have some major emotions going on, please don't be hard on yourself, of feel guilty, although you probably will. You have been a fantastic daughter, no one could ask for more, you have been on this terrible journey with your parents from day 1, you have done everything in your power that you could. You are amazing.

I remember the comfort you gave me when my lovely mum was going through this, it helped so much. I haven't been on a great deal, sometimes I can deal with it, but at this moment in time, things are difficult, coming up to the anniversary of the begining of the end. It's my birthday tomorrow, I feel empty, I don't want to celebrate, but I know the kids and my hub would want me to.

Take care of yourself, and I hope that your Dad is as peaceful as he can be.

Much love.

Louie xxxx