A very difficult Mother's Day

[louiepc]

today has been so very hard.

I had been dreading this day for some weeks, with all the "happy" tv mum's and the adverts being bombarded out of the tv, at every opportunity. I have wanted to scream at the telly and tell it to stop, but of course you can't.

I am a mum, to three gorgeous children, who wanted to do lots of lovely special things for me. They have made today, but it's been bittersweet. I went to church, again I was dreading seeing all the mum's with their mum's there, but it wasn't too bad, lit a candle for mum, had a cry, and I felt that she was with me, by my side, keeping me going.

This last week has been very emotional, I think that the denial is going and its finally hit me, like a hammer to my heart, mum's gone, she never coming back, I can never hear her voice again, or see the light of a smile in her eyes, knowing this is like a knife cutting through me.

I think because I was so busy straight after mum going, what with Dad's operation, arranging mum's funeral, it is only now that i have stopped, and taken stock of what is going on. It's like ripping a plaster off, the initial feeling is not too bad, and then the all encompassing pain, creases your body in two when the nerves and feelings come back to life.

I am seeing my vicar next week for a chat, hopefully that will help me, I think that I need to see someone now, but don't really want to go for a group session, not at first. My eldest is grieving a lot, and he will be starting play therapy, once I've got him sorted, I will get myself sorted.

I am doing a table top sale this coming saturday, half of what \I make will be going to pc, I have the collection tin ready and will hopefully raise a fair amount of money.

Much love to all x

[CFF]

Hi Louie,

It's no wonder that it was such a difficult day and torn between your lovely little ones and memories of your mum and the knowledge that she is gone.

I am dreading father's day in June and my dad has been gone 6 months this coming Monday - I can imagine that each time you saw a tv advert is felt just terrible.

I also felt that after a little while after the funeral and life went back to 'normal' that I actually felt worse rather than better for a long while (I also felt other people were doing 'better' with their grief but they weren't at all, people just show it, or not, in different ways). Sorry - I don't want to make it sounds so negative but just that I think it's very normal to feel as oyu do.

You mentioned in another post that you were thinking about counselling. I haven't myself - which is a bit like not practising what I preach as I'm a psychologist by trade! - but I think it must be difficult to have the space to feel angry and tearful when you also need to be there for your children. At least with some counselling you'll have some 'protected' time just for you although it will be hard at first.

Even now 6 months on things build up and the pain can feel as raw as it did 6 months ago. But the bits in between I think are getting easier. Not sure.

Be patient with yourself though and don't expect too much too soon.

xxx

[dmc236]

hi louie

i dont know if it helps to know your not alone, but its true. i know its realy hard all the same.

my mom died on mothers day last year from cancer,she was only ill and diagnosed four weeks before she left us. so obviousley its been horrendous for me to get through that day, my lovely wife lost her mum some years ago also to cancer, so she struggles too when the kids are realy not sure how to treat her on mothers day.my dad died to cancer when i was young, 24 years ago.

as for me, im awaiting a decision on surgery as i have a tumour in the head and tail of the pancreas just recently diagnosed.

so truly i can understand your grief, and what keeps me going is the knowledge that others have similar experiences, im not alone. there are people on line that can understand the fears and pains.

i hope that time will help improve things for you, and all of us on here realy.

all my best wishes for you and you family.

Dan

x

[laura]

hi dan, my goodness you and your wife have certainly had more than a fair share [ if there is such a thing! ] of that dratted cancer, in your family, but guess it doesnt make it any easier to deal with, now its happening to you, the positive side is that treatment is so much better these days, and sufferers and carers alike have to keep a Positive Mental Attitude, not always easy ,my hubbys attitude has really helped me to be positive, i know how lucky we have been with how he coped with 19months of chemo, and the fact that the shrinkages he's had, and now stability for several months,has made it easier, is an outcome i wish all on here could have, i do hope you get some positive news on the next stage for you, n i'm pretty sure your mum and dad will watch over you, i certainly hope so, kind regards laura x

[dmc236]

thank you laura

[louiepc]

Dear Dan and CFF

Thank you very much for your replies. I feel for you Dan, I really do, it is incredibly hard to lose someone close, let alone a number of members of family, and then to be faced with this horrendous illness yourself. Sometimes you must feel like saying "give me a break".

I do get some comfort from the knowing that coming on this site, people actually know what you are talking about, and they can give you help, or advice and it doesn't matter how much you come on for a rant or cry or whatever, people understand.

CFF, I can't believe time can go by so quickly, 6 months - goodness, I bet if your like me it only feels like yesterday. It's 3 months on Friday for me. It's strange the run up to mother's day was awful, then last week not so bad, I seem to be on a rollercoaster, I saw my vicar last week, she said its all perfectly normal, and there is no set pattern for grief, but its good to have crying days and vent your emotions.

Anyway, it was just a quick reply, got to sort out the dinner for kids. Take care everyone. xxx