Mum

[louiepc]

life takes you by surprise sometimes. You can go plodding along, taking people for granted, being nice, being horrible, just being, then bammm - you are knocked to your feet by a massive life altering event... things will never ever be the same, you never think the same again, talk the same again, you may look similar, but that's the wonder of make-up - the gut churning wrench that you feel whenever you wake, or even think, blows you away. I feel so lost. I don't know who I am anymore. I keep going for my Dad, brothers, Chris and the kiddies - one foot in front of the other - but slowly going nowhere. Mum was my everything - she knew everything about me - good and bad - I used to talk endlessly to her who do I talk to now??? I miss her so much at times I feel like I'm going mad - cry endlessly and then other days when no tears come - I can't even force them out - is this normal???? Desperately worried about my Dad - I really hope that he finds the energy and the strength to get better and carry on. I really really hope so.

[rachelqt]

Hi Louie

Just a wee message to say im thinking of you, such a heartbreaking time..All you can do is take one day at a time.

Big Hugs...Rachel xx

[laura]

oh louie, my heart aches for you truly, keep writing your thoughts etc on here it could help, life does change all the time honey, we are strong and adjust, some things just take us longer, sounds as though you are replacing mum, you will become the matriach of the family, there is usually one that the others turn to, am sure its not what you wanted, but thats life, i expect your dad is feeling just as terrible as you and misses her so much, perhaps you could sit and share each others feelings, it could help you both, try and look after you louie, as you have children that need you, their mum, as much as ever, let their little arms give you lots of love n hugs. thinking of you all love laura xxx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi Louie,

So sorry to hear that things are so hard for you at the present moment. It is a huge blow and loss to lose a loved one in such a harsh way. There will be stages you go through and these are "formally" identified by several psychologists who work in this field of death and dying.

However, everyone is unique, and different in their approach to grief. There is never a "one size fits all" way to grieve, but the important thing is that you are grieving. This is very normal, and better than becoming detached and isolated. There is no comfort in clichés, but time will bring healing with it. That is a fact, as it happens time and time again with mankind.

It is good to be able to speak about how you are feeling, whether on the boards or via bereavement counselling. Or writing down your feelings also helps. It is important to let yourself grieve as you need to, and I think you are doing this already. Yes, the basics of life will go on, but that too is autopilot, as you are caring for and about others.

Don't forget, you can contact the support line or email address if you feel you would like further help. We wish your dad well in his recovery too. It may also be helpful if he had someone to speak with, what with double trauma he has had.

KR,

Jeni.

[CFF]

Louie,

It is horrific, and so so unbelievably painful - of course, what you're going through is normal too.

I hope your dad is doing ok.

Keep writing when you feel like it.

xx

[louiepc]

Thanks for your replies

Been such a strange week. It was my daughter's third birthday and my new niece was born yesterday. Both beautiful, lovely events to happen. Both events my Mum should have been a part of. I think that is why I got so upset. The first of the important events have already started and its hard - really hard. You smile, you laugh, you love, and then you feel so guilty for doing that, because the mainstay should be there joining in.

It's mum's birthday the week after her funeral - 17 February - that is going to be so hard. A friend said why don't we release balloons for her - nice idea I thought.

I saw my vicar yesterday, she is really lovely, very easy to talk to. Anyway she said a prayer for me - and the strangest thing happened, I honestly felt like Mum was sitting beside me, and she even put her arm around me and placed it on my shoulder - this feeling lasted for sometime, and gave me so much comfort. I then went to the funeral parlour and gave mum some flowers, and sat chatting to her about my week and things that I have done etc etc.

Dad came home yesterday, that is a huge relief, I have missed him so much, and hopefully with him being back at home it will be a bit more comfort to me when I feel so low. I chatted to him today about mum, and he was upset, I asked him if he regrets waking up after his operation, he says no - he's glad he's with us, not his time yet. I'm pleased he feels like that, it was also really nice, he noticed how beautiful the weather was today. I know it's small and to some people insignificant, but to me, my dad appreciating the weather means a massive amount, it makes me feel a little bit of glow is coming back to him.

take care everyone, hope you all have a good weekend.

much love

louie x

[laura]

louie, so pleased that you have your dad safely back with you, i'm sure you will be a great support to each other, how nice that dad could appreciate a nice day, we should all do that, shouldnt we? thinking of you louie and all the others that have a a sad parting recently xxx Diane how are you? xx love to all laura xx