2 weeks gone

[louiepc]

Hi everyone

Thank you all so much for your lovely responses and thoughts. They have been a wonderful comfort to me.

I cannot believe how many new people are on here since my lovely mum has passed. It is so very sad and tragic, and it makes me even more determined that I am not going to let my mum's death go in vain.

This is an awful cancer, and I am so incredibly angry at this cancer, it seems that you have more chance of winning the lottery than beating this aggressive, secretive, destructive cancer.

I am definately going to raise money and the profile of this hideous disease, so that hopefully, in the not too distant future it may turn out that earlier diagnosis can lead to cure and not just the dismal future that most of our loved ones are facing at the moment.

I have my up-days and then very dark days. I saw my Mum on Tuesday, I made a pact with myself before I saw Mum that she wont hurt or scare me - even if she looked different. I felt that I wanted to see her though, as my Dad cannot and my brothers didn't want to. I placed some nice bits with her, to go on her journey. It was sad, but to be honest I broke into pieces that night, when Dad asked me to make sure that she is covered now. I will never see her again, hold her hand again, talk to her physically again. I keep thinking - should I see her again - I know it probably wouldn't be a good idea, but I don't want to let go of her. I feel that I have let her down by not seeing her again. Stupid stupid thoughts I know, but that is how I feel.

I am arranging her funeral, pretty much done most of it now - it's like organising your wedding in a few weeks, except it's not happy - the complete opposite. I am determined to make Mum proud of me, and give her the best send off that she can. It's ages away though, 9 February.

In one sense it's been a god send that I am doing all this organising, as I wake up and my days are filled and I don't have too much time to think, but then I wake in the night and my thoughts are just so confused, trying to remember certain bits and not remember certain bits depending on what they are.

My Dad is not too great either, he's got through the operation well, but emotionally he is a wreck. To be expected I suppose - I just hope that he has the will in him to get through and not give up.

Anyway best get back to the bedlum of kids fighting etc etc, I can't remember who mentioned this - but someone said it would be lovely to meet up. That would be great - I live in Kent, I know we are all over the place, but if we could arrange a get together then that would be fab.

Take care

louie xxx

[Drew]

Louie I understand your hatred for pc .

Sounds like you are living the dread I can't get out of my head , best wishes to you and your family x.

At the minute all I can do is care for my wife and keep pretending I am coping for our 18 year old daughter.

I will be thinking about you over the next few weeks

Drew

[Mistipop]

Louie, you story will help so many people who will sadly visit this site in the future, you have certainly helped me. I just hope when it's my mum's time I can be as strong for my family as you are for yours. I'm just so dreading the next few weeks, I still can't imagine not having my mum around.

X

[rachelqt]

Hi Louie

Lovely to hear from you, often wonder how you and the family are coping. Emotions are bound to be very raw at this stage and the experience your mum went through is still fresh in your mind. Just you do what feels right in your heart! Im sure as time passes you will start to remember your lovely mum the way she was before this evil disease got hold of her.

How is the kids coping?

Your suggestion of meeting would be fantastic (maybe a fundraising event?), although im across the water in N.Ireland its only an hour on the plane, can you imagine we would have the world put to right..maybe in the near furture!

Look after yourself and keep in touch

Rachel xx