My lovely mum has gone :(((

[louiepc]

My beautiful mum passed away at 2.15am this morning.

I was called by Dad at 1.40am, I managed to get to the house by 2.05. As soon as I entered my Mum's room, both my brother and me noticed her breathing really change, a very long pause between each breaths. We called Dad in all of us sitting around her as she took her last breath. At 2.15am our beautiful mum was finally free from this horrendous disease.

My Dad called my other brother and he made his way down from Cambridge. I didn't want to leave Mum, she looked so calm, not any pain etched on her face, very much "at peace".

During the time waiting for my brother to arrive, the doctor and undertaker was called by the nurse, and she said she could change mum and get her nice and tidy. She asked my brother to get some shower gel - what does he bring down??? LYNX!!! I ask you! In a very strange surreal moment we all fell about laughing at how mum would find that really funny.

My brother made it in record time, and during the next few hours as we stayed with Mum, we noticed something else really strange. Mum was in the dining room, and there is a clock in that room that hasn't worked for ages. Well, the time on this clock, that hasn't worked for ages was exactly 2.15. How weird is that? Exactly the same time as when mum passed. I have told Dad that he is not allowed to change that clock at all - Mum has done that to the clock, its her way of saying "I'm here".

Eventually the time came when my lovely mum had to go. I cried buckets. I went home with one of my brothers and my other one stayed with Dad. This afternoon, we registered Mum's death, and we provisionally arranged her funeral date. It's ages away. 7 February. The reason for this is because Dad has his quadruple bypass next Thurs, and he is then away for all of January recuperating and my sister-in-law is having a baby the end of January.

I am absolutely shattered, keeping busy has helped. There have been times during the day when I have "forgot" and then found myself bursting into tears. How on earth do you cope without your Mum? She was the mainstay of our family, the glue that held us all together. I already miss her so much that it feels like my insides have been ripped out. But I couldn't, and I wouldn't wish her back in the condition that she was in, that would be cruel. I suppose at some point I will learn to live without Mum being around, but at the moment it is far too raw.

Thank you every who has sent some lovely messages of support. Good luck to all who have been diagnosed with this horrendous disease, and much love to those who are battling through or have sadly lost their lives to it.

I WILL raise money for this charity, I WILL do something in the new year, when things arn't quite so painful.

AND I WILL DEFINATELY KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE.

LOUIE XXXX

[ali]

Hi Louie

so sorry ,i have followed you posts for past few months( hope you recognise my name ) could cry now --been hard for us over xmas and this weekend coming---every time think about details of June and her last two weeks--it gets easier- and then harder-laugh and cry all the time esp. xmas day

Take care and as you know your mum cannot suffer anymore-good for her

BUT hard for her darling family

Helen

xxx

[ali]

Hi Louie and everyone else

Meant to add--my dad died 6years ago and all family gatherings mostly revolved round them and all our birthdays annivesrary etc. We continued with this when mum still here But Since mum died June we have all fallen apart- my sister and brother not really communicating at present ( although brother ,wife and 2 nieces tomorrow for meal-have not seen them since end Oct) when mum's ashes " done " -normally see them so much more

Helen

xxx

[dairylee]

So, so sorry to hear that your mum has gone, but as you say, at least she is now free from pain. I will be thinking of you as you try to get through the coming days, weeks & months. I hear what you're saying about your mum being the glue that held you all together, I guess you will stumble through it together and find a way to make it work, but of course it will never be the same again. Grief is something which so many of us will experience but as it is a personal journey, it can be so very isolating. Thank you for sharing this with us - it is beautiful to read. Hoping that all goes well with your dad too.

Look after yourself

J. xxxx

[lynbo]

Dear Louie

Im so sorry for your loss, you are very brave letting us all know so soon about it, I can imagine your on autopilot right now.

The clock time struck a chord with me, and I believe your right, its a sign from your mum.

Take care of yourself over the next few days, and im sending love and prayers for the family

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[laura]

dear louie,, so very sorry for you, dad and family, now begins another chapter in your life, your mum will be watching to see how you "write" it!

my thoughts and love are with you all.

take care of each other

love lauraxxxx

[millyjo]

My dear Louie,

Please accept my sincere condolences having lost someone so precious.

The time from diagnosis to the heartbreaking loss is surreal, all the weeks, months of hospitals, doctors, nurses, treatment and the unreality that this is happening and hoping for a miricle.

Let's hope that one day that miricle will happen for someone.

Thinking of you and your family.

Much love

Millyjo xx

[Nardobd]

Dearest Louie I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Your Mum may not be here psychically but the love and values she taught you will always guide and help you and, of course, she will be with you in spirit forever.

Love

Nicki

[CFF]

I'm so sorry Louie,

Have been following you and your mum for months and after your last post logged on this morning for an update - was so sorry to hear that she had passed away. I'm glad for you that you were there and that she looked peaceful. I found that a comfort when my dad died. I've found it difficult in my grief to sometimes remember further back than when the illness took hold but it's beginning to come back now through memories and photos. But the fact that he looked so peaceful when he died has been a comfort.

I was also worried that my family might fall apart. But in some ways it has brought my family closer together. I hope that happens for you. We've just got through christmas and it's been ok. My mum has found it difficult and we've tried to find a balance between not smothering her but being there when she needs us. I often take 'time out' to have a big sob alone and look at photos of my dad and listen to music and then I feel a little better after. It will get easier to live with although I know you can't imagine that now.

Although the funeral is a few weeks away, you will have plenty of time to make it the day that you want it to be.

take care

xxx

[rachelqt]

Hi Louie

I write this with tears in my eyes, im so very sad for you all but somehow from all your posts im glad your lovely mum is not suffering anymore. Her fight and determination is an inspiration to us all.

You done your wonderful mum and family proud throughout all this. Your mum will always be with you and the clock just proves this.

Throughout all this you have been a fantastic support to me and others on here and I would like to say THANKYOU!

Please let us know how your Dad gets on with his operation. I wish him luck with it all, bless him, as if he has not been through enough?

Thinking of you all at this difficult time

Look after yourself

Rachel xxx

[HelenF]

Hi Louie

I am so sorry to read of your Mum's passing,but as I said before they are in a better place and we really need to hold on to that because as you said we wouldnt wish them back in the condition they were in.

She will always be with you and she did achieve her wish of another Christmas with you all. I will be thinking of you as you face the difficult weeks ahead.

love Helenx

PS I wish we all knew where we lived, we could get together and give each other a hug. But in the meantime sending a e-hug.

[Mistipop]

Oh Louie, the news I so didn't want to read. I kept reading your posts and desperately wanted to hear that your lovely mum was making a `miraculous' recovery, that way there was hope for my mum too. It's so so sad but your mum is free now. I pray it was as peaceful as you'd all wished for her.

Take care and please stay on this site, you have been and will continue to be an inspiration to others, like myself, who are going through this evil disease.

Xxx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Louie,

We are very sorry to hear about your mum.

You have been a great support to others on here in using the forums to share your story.

We offer our sympathies to you and your family, and hope that your dad's surgery is very successful and without incident.

Best wishes,

Jeni, on behalf of PCUK.

[rosie050_0]

Dear Louie

I am so sorry to hear about your mum.

Our thoughts are with you at this time.

Lots of love xxxx

[deb68]

Dear Louie

I was so saddened to hear about your mum - sending lots of love and strength to you and your family.

Debbie.x

[Ella50]

Hi, just read about the passing of your lovely mum.. (Im afraid im not too up to speed with everyones stories)

I am so so sorry for your loss.. Hope your doing ok?

Im still a bit all over the place, all still so raw..

Maybe a holiday soon...

Take care hunny

Love Ella xxxx