My Dad has Pancreatic Cancer

[William42]

First time poster so sorry if I do this incorrectly.

Having read through a few posts on this forum my story is little different to any others but just thought I would share my own experience. My heart goes out to all those affected by this monstrous disease.

Anyway a few months ago my father had a stroke and after immediate hospital treatment things where looking good as only his speech and reasoning parts of the brain where affected and we had high hopes he would regain most of his normal functionality. Unfortunately an MRI scan revealed there was a tumour on his pancreas and later tests revealed the cancer had spread to, Liver, Kidneys, Bones. As a good news/bad news scenario this was a shocker.

The usual noticable signs appeared a few weeks later such as weight, loss, and jaundice- In moments of naivety I still wonder if the hospital hadn't said anything would he have got ill at all!.

The last two weeks have been the worst though as the weight has been dropping off him with back pain and now partial paralysis to add to the mix.

The prognosis as far as we know it is around 3-6weeks of life left (although doctors will never give an exact time frame this is my best guess).

The surprising thing is from my point of view is that although we have probably not been the closest over recent years i seem to spending most of my time trying to hold back tears almost like theres tap behind my eyes thats about to burst, course this pails into insignificance compared to what my father is suffering at the moment.

Over the next few weeks all i can do is visit him as much as possible and cherish the times i spend with him.

Sorry if I have missed out a lot of information but my father is far to weak for chemo and the last dose of radiotherapy to try and ease the pain made him worse.

[Ellie]

Dear William

So very sorry to read your story. It must have been such a shock to have your father recover from a stroke, only to find out that so much else had been going on in his body.

It's no wonder you feel the way you do. None of us ever thinks these awful things will happen to us, or our families. We all plod along with our routine lives, until something like this makes us realise how much we have taken things, and people, for granted.

At least you have the small consolation of knowing you can spend time with your dad now and say the things you want to say. If he hadn't recovered from his stroke, then you might not have got this chance. I hope that doesn't sound awful, but it's the way I've felt about my husband. I never wanted him to have this awful, awful disease, but I am so glad we've had time to say everything we could have wanted to say, before it was too late. Some people never get that chance, do they?

I hope your dad is kept comfortable and pain free and that you get both get all the help you need.

Take care and as everyone on here says - keep in touch and hopefully this forum will help you cope.

Best wishes

Ellie

x

[Lo.]

Dear William,

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I was very close to my own Dad when Pancreatic Cancer took hold in much the same way.

I have a Facebook account and am promoting this very site at the moment. If you EVER need a trusted friend to talk to, look for Lo (name removed -moderator) on Facebook (there is only one Lo [name removed -moderator]), and send me a message. I'll happily help you through this.

It is indeed a particularly nasty form of cancer and so difficult to detect until the jaundice appears.

Take good care and please know that I am here for you any time.

God bless,

Lo x

[ladywood]

Dear William, I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I agree with everything that Ellie said in her post, we just go on in our lives thinking theres so much time left and then something happens and we realise how fragile we really are. All you can do is be there for your Dad, visit just as often as you can and say all that you need to say to him. My sister was diagnosed late november and lived for just ten weeks, though I loved her very much I cant say we were that close and though I would have given anything for her not to have suffered from this dreadful discease, I am glad that I was able to spend some time with her during those weeks. Will be thinking of you. Very best wishes Marie

[William42]

Thank you all for your kind words.

In a way i am gratefull for the time I can spend with my father, just so shocking how fast this cancer is.

So hard to find the right words but I'm glad i found this forum its provided me with a lot of information on what to expect in the coming weeks.

Not much has changed in the last few days, my father is still eating a little and is quite lucid, its just so hard to talk at times without asking the same questions.

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi William,

So sorry to hear about your father.

I appreciate what you said about if he hadn't been told, would signs have appeared at all. There is some element of truth in such a statement -it is seen quite a lot in the medical field, although no one will actually pin point it as a reason for patients going downhill.

All I can say is that, from experience, it does happen. But, given the nature of the disease in your dad's body, it is amazing he was not having symptoms before this. Pancreatic cancer is known as the silent killer, and it can sort of creep up on people with no symptoms, and then all of a sudden, they all come and the person can be very unwell.

I work for PCUK. I have 11 years nursing experience in oncology, including pancreatic cancer. If you feel you need to use the support service, you can contact me by emailing support@pancreaticcancer.org.uk

I would be happy to answer any questions, clinical or otherwise, you or your family may have.

Kind regards,

Jeni.

[William42]

Thanks Jeni,

I thought I was going mad as I can only pinpoint the exact moment my Dad started really going down hill to when he was told about it. Perhaps the brain can adapt the body to work round cancers in the short term but once the concious side is told theres a problem, this triggers the other parts of the brain into panic and the whole shut down process begins.

Maybe this is just wishfull thinking and I'm being naive but it can't be a coincidence surely.

Perhaps in order to win the battle with this nasty disease a good starting point maybe to try methods of convincing the brain it isn't ill.

I'm probably talking rubbish, but if cancers are abnormal cell division, then surely the best way to stop this is by instructing the cells not to divide, and any present tumours could be killed off by less harmfull methods than chemo-I've heard garlics pretty good on tumours. How this is acheived is down to the scientists and cleverer people than me and if it was that easy my father wouldn't be in the situation he is now.

I hope this post doesn't come over to flippant as it was nice to write something that took my mind off my Dad, if just for a few minutes.

[LittleMissOptimistic]

Dear William,

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I can tell you my mother stayed positive all along, and I never accepted the facts that the doctors were giving me.

She lived for two years after she was diagnosed.

Please stay strong for your dad. Talk lots and cheer him up as much as you can.

I know its terribly hard.

I regret not telling my mother how much she meant to me. Its hard having so many unanswered questions.

My best,

Ella

[lynbo]

Dear William

I read your post and connected to it. My husband was ill for a few months, kept going to work and plodding on, the pain got so bad I got him admitted to hospital ( long story ) but when he was diagnosed on June 30th it's like he accepted he was ill, like you say, before this he just plodded on, 39 young, fit, healthy?

In the 7 weeks that followed he just got worse and worse. I never come on this site during that time, and his upbeat attitude and emotional strength amazed me.

I believe that - you have to have hope, be strong, because, if you don't, then it's won already.

My thoughts are with you.

You will not know it now, but how you just have an ability to deal with things is unbelievable.

I've read some of my posts from months ago, when I'm feeling disheartened and, I can't believe it's me.

This site is a real help, so stay in touch

Xxxxx

[lawalsh]

Hello there William,

So sorry to read your story, I can really relate to what you are saying about state of mind. My dad has been recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, we are all coming to terms with what lies ahead. I go from upset to anger, to disbelief, to hope, to practically trying to 'do something, anything' about it, then start the cycle all over again. Dad had been ill for 9 months, he lost 2 stone in 2 months last May/June, and has been dismissed by the doctors over the last 9 months as having a tummy bug.

Back to the point you were making...I recently read a book called 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne, which covers the law of attraction. Basically, it conveys the message that 'what you think about, you bring about'. Now, I read this book with a very open mind, but by the end of it I realised that the underlying message (although cheesy in parts!!) was that positivity can beat and/or win anything. My dad is really upbeat, determined not to let this get the better of him, my mum too. Where they get there strength and determination from I really don't know. It is early days yet, I pray it continues.

If not for him, but just for yourself, have a flick through this book. I read it cover to cover in about 2/3 hours. I know it is difficult to prove, but postive thinking does seem to be such a good medicine, not to lose check on reality, but just to keep upbeat.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

LA x

[lynbo]

Dear LA

Read my thread, I believe yr right, will buy the nook as it could help me and my family with our grief.

My Andy was so positive, and although it was a sad ending, his strength was amazing, also our vicar, friends, my counsellor, cannot believe the way I cared for him, alone with no nurses or help, just my diary, and and my love for my husband.

I once could sleep for 12 hours no probs, but when he was ill, I maybe had 3 a night, for 7 weeks!

Everytime he needed a drink, tablet, pillows fluffing, it was like a light switched on on my head and I was on autopilot.

I'm not really religious, but I say now, you have to have hope, and strength, or it's won and you give up

Xxxxxx