Let's support each other, after loss..

[LittleMissOptimistic]

Dear all,

Hello.

I posted again almost two years ago reporting my mother had been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer a year ago (then).

My mother has been gone one year now, as of yesterday.

She was 59, I was 22.

I cannot begin to tell you how devastated I am.

But if anyone, I know that some of you may very well be able to sympathise.

I have had such incredible trouble dealing with this, even talking about it.

I realise there must be others in a similar situation and would very much like to open a discussion supporting each other.

I am indeed here to give anyone anything I can, I know very well how much we all need it.

My best,

Ella

[AlisonJane]

I have just found that my Mum has pancreatic cancer and have been reading your earlier posts. Although I am not at all sure how I am going to cope with this. Her diagnosis went from possible bowel cancer to multiple cancers in 24hours. I know that the cancer seems to be everywhere, but she was still working this time last week! Now she is on morphine and feeling horrible.

Can you make any suggestions as to what I should be asking the oncologist? Beyond the word terminal, no one seems to want a discussion. I would just like to have some idea of how long. We lost my aunt to ovarian cancer 2 years ago and my brother in law his dad to lung cancer. It doesn't seem fair.

I am not doing a very good job of being positive at the moment.

Please help!

A

[margb5343]

Hi Alison

I am so sorry to hear your terrible news. It was only a matter of weeks ago that I was asking the same about my mum, from her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer was extremely fast, she only had four weeks. From when she was started on Morphine it was only 10 days. The most upsetting thing for us was when she lost her speech 2 weeks before she died, that was devastating to watch her like that. She was going to write us all letters but we kept waiting for the right time as we didnt really talk about her dying. She then couldnt write by then so she never got to write our letters, which was just so sad.

I would just treasure each day as her last, say everything you need to say to her while she is relatively comfortable and not in pain. We didnt get chance to talk about her funeral apart from one day she said to me I want lillies on my coffin. Mum knew she was dying but I couldnt bring myself to speak to her about her dying.

Take care and love to your mum

love margaret xxx

[deb68]

Hello Ella

I think your idea of supporting each other after loss is lovely and I have found this forum really helpful when needing support. I lost my wonderful daughter Gemma, last August at only 27 years old and sometimes struggle to get through the days, so it is comforting to get some real understanding and empathy from people who know just how it feels.

Take care

Debbie.xxx

[lynbo]

Hi Ella

I agree with Debbie, i lost my husband 39 to pc last aug, this site has found me friends who care, understand, and help me through each hurdle.

Xx

[pamela]

Dear all,

yes i agree about the support.

I lost my dad to this cruel disease last May.He was 67,never smoked or drank and was only a little overweight.I still feel lost he was my companion,helped me down the path of life.

pamx

He had 2 young grand children.

[LittleMissOptimistic]

Dear everyone,

I am very sorry for you losses, and I am glad you find this forum helpful in any way.

Please do share your thoughts or anything you wish to say.

I had a dream last night that my dad had found a letter that my mother had written before she passed away.

I read half of it in my dream, it was beautiful, almost a poem. But I dont remember the specifics.

One of things I have found hardest is the fact that we never discussed anything.

I refused to accept she was going to pass away, and I never wanted to upset her with purposly dicussing anything of the short.

All the things I wish I had told her and all the questions I have unanswered now eat me inside.

Dear A, I know this is a horrible time, all you can do is give her love, be strong for her.

And talk to her as much as possible. I am no good at giving advice! This is just my opinion.

Best,

Ella

[emma]

My fantastic step dad is losing his brave battle with this terrible disease, he has fought hard for almost exactly 2 years, a whipple procedure April 2009l followed by 2 different lots of chemotherapy, and a liver ablation in October last year. All through this I have known that there was always somebody on this website with invaluable advice or a kind word when the going was tough. unfortunately his last scan showed more lesions on the liver and 'something' in the pancreas area. The decline in him has been so quick, partly due to the strong medication which he doesn't tolerate very well. The support from our local gp and the macmillan staff have been fantastic and hopefully we may have a little more time where he is pain free and not completely 'out of it'. It helps to 'talk' to people who know exactly what it is like to go through this and sometimes its easier to write how i am feeling than speak, as i struggle not to cry all the time. Is so hard watching someone you love so much slipping away but we have made sure everything that needed to be said and done has been, although in the 20 years he has been part of my life we have never had a cross word, how weird is that! Sorry for rambling on but thank you for listening xx

[LittleMissOptimistic]

Dear Emma,

feel free to write anything you wish.

I am really sorry for what you and your family are going through. My mother went through a similar path, not the liver problems so much, but everything else yes, and I lost her two years after she was first diagnosed.

Indeed I find it almost impossible to talk to anyone who hasnt been through this as there is no way anyone would understand.

Be strong,

my thoughts are with you

Best,

Ella

[LittleMissOptimistic]

Dear Everyone,

If you have a spare minute and some spare notes please read:

http://www.justgiving.com/selinaandfriends

Very much appreciated.

Best.

[kazzie]

Dear Ella,What a lovely topic to start on here,I originally posted when we discovered my Dad had pc,and I had such alovely year with him before he eventually left us in sept 09,and to be honest I havn't felt able to post,but have always read and kept up on here,this site really keeps you going,however you use it.Last week we eventually scattered my dad's ashes,I know it seems a long time but my mum,really hasnt felt up to it,and before you know all this time has passed.I did originally think I would be fine,but it does seem to have started all the tears all over again,and i feel like I've stepped backwards,I am sorry to whine on,just not been a very good day sorry.Promise when I have a better day I will post a happier thread

hope all of you are ok

Karen

[LittleMissOptimistic]

Dear Karen,

Dont apologise, we are hear for all times, good and bad easy or hard.

It is very normal that you are feeling that way, for me it has been just over a year, and yet when I'm down,

I'm just as bad as I ever was. It seems that time hasn't helped at all. It doesnt change anything.

But we have to live on, as our loved ones would wish for us.

We have to keep walking and make the best of what we have,

I dont know what else to say, I totally feel for you.

Keep strong.

Best,

Ella

[jadco]

Dear Everyone,

If you have a spare minute and some spare notes please read:

http://www.justgiving.com/selinaandfriends

Very much appreciated.

Best.

I think it is wonderful that you have been able to do this - I made a small donation and I wish you all the best

Ann Maie

[kazzie]

Thank you Ella,as when I read it back,it looked really long and whiney xx

[emma]

My very brave,wonderful step dad passed away yesterday evening. This has been the hardest time of my life and the thought that I will never see his face or hear his voice again is so devastating. He fought this disease so hard and so bravely but as so often is the case it just wasn't enough. Thank you to everyone who has helped me through this rollercoaster journey xxxxxx

[LittleMissOptimistic]

Dear Emma,

I am deeply sorry , I know there are no words, know that many of us Do know exactly what you re going through, and that it's been terribly hard and will be even harder too.

Stay strong, your father wants you too keep walking and be happy..

Dearest Ann Maie,

thank you so much, and thanks for letting me know it was you, today was an amazing day, I will write more about it.

Best,

Ella

[LittleMissOptimistic]

Dear all,

I have posted a new message Re: Reading Half Marathon 2011 here:

http://www.pancreaticcancer.org.uk/discussion/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=523

Best.

[LittleMissOptimistic]

Dear all,

There is now a specific forum topic for "Coping with loss"

So I have written there:.. http://www.pancreaticcancer.org.uk/discussion/viewtopic.php?f=26&t=587

Sincerely,

me.