Whipples Resection

[Lizbeth]

Hello all,

my mum has just had a Whipples Resection (yesterday) and is doing ok, my difficulty is i have an entire family with their heads in the sand. My sister told me today that our mum had a tumour removed and the blood vessel leading to a liver!

I rang the sister in the IDA tonight and she told me they had given her a full Whipples Resection, i know we are lucky in the fact she was able to be operated on....but i am on my own with the reality it would seem.

[Nardobd]

Hi Lizbeth and welcome

I'm pleased that your mum is doing ok after such a big operation. I hope she continues to do well.

It is difficult when others don't appear to understand. Very occasionally it's because they don't have the mental capacity but more frequently it's a protective mechanism - I'm sure you've already realised that. It may be that over time your family come to terms with the shock and begin to accept the reality. In the meantime you appear to be the "stong" one who has taken in all the information and that's a difficult and lonely position to be in. So, please keep posting and we'll offer as much support as we can.

If you need to speak to someone about your mum or anything to do with pc, Jeni one of our moderators is a nurse who has extensive oncology experience and she will be able to offer support and information. You can get in touch with her by emailing support@pancreaticcancer.org.uk

Don't forget to let us know how your mum's doing as and when there's any news.

Regards

Nicki x

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi Lizbeth,

Thanks to Nicky for her post, and indeed, I am contactable via the email address she gave.

I would be delighted to hear from you with any queries.

Kind regards,

Jeni.

[Lizbeth]

Thankyou all very much for your support, my mother is doing really well! She is recovering well,still in the IDA but has had a scan today and all is as we would wish at this stage.

Sadly, everyone else is at each others throats due to a complex family situation, i was raped by my father as a child many times and have spent 20 years in and out of hospital but i have had a great deal of therapy and my hatred has subsided a great deal. When my brother rang me to say our mother was seriously ill, i felt angry at first but then an overwhelming compassion for her and wanted to see her. I hadn't seen either of my parents for 15 years, but have stayed in touch with my brother and sister.

At first my sister was very supportive and happy that i wanted to see our parents and went with me to see our mother....and it went really well, now both of them have turned on me and i had a row with my sister-in-law sunday night. She doesn't like the fact that i was told by the nurses at the hospital my mothers diagnosis and what operation she has had. My sister says she can't get her head around it and is very affected by it all(the fact i saw our parents)

I had done so well, and thought they would be pleased i was able to go and see our mum, but they know they can manipulate me and their ostracisation of me is working. My mum wanted to see me, and still does, i am supposed to be going to see her on Thursday but i spoke to my dad on the phone tonight and i just felt that old fear again....i had coped with seeing him the other week also. But that was with my sisters support, she made every excuse she could find to not go with me to see our mum this week. And said ominously she is get flashes of something going on in her head about me. I have always been the scapegoat and they are just being awful to try and put me back in that position again.

They know i am fragile and are just manipulating me, i told my sister i would not be the scapegoat for everyone elses crap because they are feeling bad about our mother.

i haven't had a reply to that one and she will probably just not contact me ever again, because she can cope with that as she has a husband and kids...and will be able to fill her scapegoat hole with her hatred of me.

This is not exactly about my mum's operation is it, i just feel so very, very alone now, even more so than before.....

[dkm jack]

Hi Lizbeth, I feel that though there is little advice I can give you on your terrible situation. I just want you to know that there are people who care and are concerned for you.

Everyone wants their parents approval, and no matter what has happened in the past. Our mum is always our mum. We can all tend to look at other mother/ daughter relationships and see them as perfect, where ours appear flawed. Though I am sure we have all had our issues.

I hope you have some professional you can contact.(ie rape councilor), as well as talking to people on this site, who are always willing to listen, and offer any advice they are able to.

love and best wishes

Jackiexx

[Lizbeth]

Thankyou very much for your support Jackie it is greatly appreciated, yes i have a counsellor at the Uni i am at who is very good and aware of my situation at present, i am trying to stay focused on my mums health but it is hard, i am off to college today and seeing some friends after so hopefully that will take my mind of things a bit, thankyou againxxx

[Nardobd]

Hi Lizbeth

Like Jackie, I am at a loss as to advice on your personal situation but I just wanted to add another voice of support. You are not alone - you've joined our little web-family and we're here to listen and support as best we can.

Moral support is so important.

Love

Nicki x

[Lizbeth]

Thankyou all for making me feel so welcome, it means a great deal to me. I saw my lovely friends tonight also and feel somewhat more stable than i have been feeling.....Compassion and kindness makes so very much difference. I will be seeing my mum tomorrow, i will bump into my dad also, but i might just avoid that one for now, i spoke to him on the phone yesterday and felt that old fear, so i shall see my mum before he gets there i think.

[Nardobd]

Hi Lizbeth

I hope you did get to see your Mum today and that you didn't bump into your Dad - or if you did, you coped ok. Do let us know how you got on.

Nicki x

[Lizbeth]

No worries but thankyou anyway, i saw my mum today and it went fine, she is up and about now and is out of the IDA and back on a ward so she's recovering really well!(had her drains taken out too)

I'm ok, i did see my Dad and felt a bit cautious around him but not as bad as i thought i would be. I was able to stay focused on the here and now and to see them as they are now and not through the eyes of that child who was so damaged by him. I guess i never thought i would get to a stage where i would want parents in my life again, but i guess i must do.....Thankyou everyone!

[Nardobd]

Glad to hear you coped so well Lizbeth

Nicki x

[Lizbeth]

Hiya,

i was just wondering if anyone knows whether chemo always happens after a whipples Op? my mum was saying that she didn't need to have chemo (doc told her that friday)would that mean the tumour is at a very early stage or?

Thankyou

Lizbeth