Advanced stage appetite loss and prognosis

[Ruby]

Hi

My mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in April and by then it was inoperable and had already spread to her liver. She did follow a chemotherapy programme for a while and had to stop because she wasn't coping with the travel to the hospital. I think the last session was about 4 weeks ago. She has developed clots in her lung and lower legs and diabetes and has suspected internal bleeding caused by the cancer. She is in constant pain and is now being given pain medication intravenously. She is now in a hospice and is very weak. She hasn't eaten for 3 days because of constant nausea and her sleep patterns are disrupted.

My dad is visiting her daily and is the only family nearby. I live an 8 hour drive from where she is so I can't just pop over to see her and have obligations at home. I am doing my best to get to be with my mum and dad as soon as I can (the definite earliest is Wednesday of this coming week). Does anyone else have experience of this very late stage in pancreatic cancer, where someone has stopped eating, and can tell me how long their friend/relative lived for after they had stopped eating?

As my mum is receiving palliative care, she will not now receive any intervention, only what can be done to make her as comfortable as possible. I'm trying to judge whether planning to go up on Wednesday is likely to be too late, and I know that every case is different, but I just have no idea of whether she has only a couple of days left or whether it could be longer.

Thank you.

Ruby

[Nardobd]

Hi Ruby and I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum.

Everything about this disease is so very dependent on the individual. Not only their physical health but their strength of character and will to live. Other factors include whether she is being given intravenous nourishment or direct feeding (ie through a tube into her stomach) and whether she is drinking.

One option is to ring the hospice and speak to your Mum's nurse who should be able to give you a better idea of what timescale you're looking at. I'm sorry I can't be more help but please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Do keep in touch, let us know what you decide and how you're feeling.

Kind regards

Nicki xx

[Ruby]

Thanks for your reply, Nicki. My mum is not (and won't) receive any intravenous food and she is still drinking. I have spoken to the nurse looking after my mum and all she is able to say is come sooner rather than later - I think this is because noone can really tell what will happen and she can't risk saying, it should be fine to come on Wednesday, for example. It very much felt like a standard line (the nurse was very kind) which the hospice use because I talked with her for quite a while and only got uncertainty around my mum's condition and she repeated exactly the same phrase. I understand her need to be cautious.

I just feel like I am being pulled in two different directions because I want to be with my mum and dad and there are commitments I am being held by here. I do know which is more important and I guess I am just trying to see if I can make everything fit in.

Thanks

Ruby

[pamela]

ruby,

follow your heart,but if it was me I would go sooner rather than later to your mum.Is there no-one can help with your commitments at home under the circumstances? I don't really want to say too much but my dad stopped eating and drinking towards the time and it really wasn't too long afterwards. But each persons different and no-one really knows for sure.My dad was in coma for a couple of days which is what the district nurses said would happen.the last time his eyes were open were to see his grandsons.My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

pamx

[pauline]

Hi Ruby ,

Sorry to hear your mum isn't very well no one can tell you what is right or wrong but I lost my Dad last year very quickly I didn't get to see him very much in the last few weeks I live about 1 1/2 away the thing about pc is it is VERY quick if I were in your shoes get there as soon as you can

sending lots of love to you

Pauline xxx

[Ruby]

Thank you for your replies. They are very helpful and confirm the possibility of what I had suspected. My mum went back into hospital yesterday as her pancreas has all but stopped producing any insulin and her blood sugars went through the roof. I could see how this could easily progress to a coma if not attended to. I had already decided to go up there tomorrow, so told my dad yesterday and he seemed relieved.

I'm a single parent with a child in secondary school with concert and important parent's evening this week, followed by half term next week, so I tried to find a way for my daughter to be in school this week and then with her dad next week (given the difficulty of getting her all the way to the Lake District where my mum is) and that hasn't worked out. So we are both off to see my mum and dad tomorrow and will have to speak to the school about absences and meeting teachers at a later date. I guess I just have to let everything go.

Ruby

[pauline]

Hi Ruby ,

So glad you have decided to go and see your Mum how old is your daughter? I know from experience with my children the schools were fine about the kids having time off ( mine were years 6,8,10 )

I hope your mum is peaceful and out of pain

sending my love to all you at this time

Pauline XXX