message for Vicky1389 or help??

[lynbo]

HI

I am at the end of my tether, I contacted the WAY foundation, and although the lady seemed nice, I dont really want to deal with widows who have not had same experience as me, ie their loved one had pancreatic cancer??

So, then i rang PCUK, they emailed a lady's contact details who has been in same boat as me, I contacted, but no reply??

Going to doctors in the morning to ask for counselling.

On zopiclone 7.5mg but still cannot sleep?

I just need to talk/email someone who has been through what I have so I can get my head round it all, reading some posts, I find I am shouting and reasoning with the laptop, ah, so that happened to them too? and knowing certain things have happened to others makes me feel a little less like a failure?

I am 34, and in June, I thought me and my husband had our whole lives ahead of us, tomorrow will be 2 weeks since he passed away, and I didnt even get chance to understand what was going on?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[volmod]

Hi Lynbo - I am so very sorry for all the hurt/confusion you are going through, I really feel for you. Pancreatic cancer is such a cruel illness, it robs and disempowers people because it sneaks up so quickly and so fatally in too many cases. Many say they would have liked to have had just a little bit more time to start to cope and to try to make sense of it all. Believe me, the failure is not yours – if there is a failure we can identify it is that we don’t know enough about pancreatic cancer yet to be able to catch it early enough in our loved ones and so take action before the disease has progressed too far.

I feel sure that the lady whose details you have will be in contact just as soon as she can be – like you she has had an appalling experience as a result of pancreatic cancer. Going to the doctor’s will help you too. Please stay in touch and let us know how you are getting on.

Wishing you all the best, and if hugs can translate across the web there’s a very big one on its way. Xx Vee [moderator]

[vicky1389]

Hi lynbo im sorry i have not replied sooner this is the first time i have been on here for a long time as find it hard knowing what everyones going through takes me back to how ill duane was im not going to say i find it easier but im coping with it better due to looking after the kids and helping them have as much of a normal life as possible its such a horrid disease and in a way im glad it all happened so quick for duane but theres a selfish part of me that wished he had stayed longer i miss him so much i tryed a bereavement service but i just didnt feel they get me i was coping reaally well til a couple of months ago then it all just hit me again and was in a bad way and phoned my doc for help he was brilliant and just listened and was just on the other end of the phone if i need a rant i was on anti deprressants for a bit but at the mo im ok as i love my family and friends but i dont like them seeing that side i want them to think im strong half the time, i know where your coming from about trying to get your head around it all and want answers like you i planned my whole life ahead of me with duane and now its all a blank and got to go out and start on ur own not knowing where to turn email me again hun on my email address as think i may have deleted it by accident even if you just want to have a rant i dont mind i find it helps me sometimes to rant regards vicky x

[lynbo]

Hi Vicky

Nice to hear from you.

It was a year for my Andy in august, I'm no better, last few weeks have been awful.

Did you see Julianna passed away, her father had posted on here.

I do still regularly visit the forum, feel like it's my only way to talk? My famy is all split, some of Andys famy don't speak to me, friends too, life is strange.

You take care

Lynne

Xxxx

[vicky1389]

hi ya it was a yr april the 28th and also the 30th of august would of been duanes 30th birthday i found that really hard as the children wanted to mark that days as if he was here he would of had a big party so we had a small bbq with close family and friends then let balloons off with messages and also a contact address so the kids could see how far there balloons got we also sent a special one to heaven just for daddy in a way it helped just wondering did you and andy have a special place which makes you feel closer to him mine and duanes is a tree near a little stream as stupid as it sounds its even got our names carved there from 1999 sometimes i go there for quiet time it makes me feel closer i do get a bit emotional but sometimes it helps i went there on his anniversary .I did have a hard time before felt like i have been on auto pilot for along time then it just hit me i know where your coming from with some family and friends sometimes i get really annoyed over it especially birthdays or anniversary as some people can be very hypocritical but try to let them get on with it now and concentrate on my kids and keep life balanced as normal as poss for them my new motto is those who want me in there life will and those who dont can get on with it as we all know how short life can be even though it hurts . sometimes i feel i can manage then like you i fall really bad but im going to try for duane to pick myself up and live for the pair of us as i know he would hate how i feel sometimes i was really sad to hear Julianna had passed away she was an amazing woman and brave even though with what she was going through she still offered advice and support my thoughts go out to her family take care hun im always here if you need a chat x

[lynbo]

Hi

I have a few special places Andy and I liked to visit, some with our dogs, some alone, I often go to the crematorium and visit the book of remembrance and leave flowers.

With having no children though it can get lonely, but my parents are round the corner.

We left flowers and went for a meal on Andys 1 year anniversary, but when it was his 40th in jan, we all got together and celebrated with balloons and Chinese lanterns.

Xxxxxx