Message for Graham

[Ellie]

Hi Graham

Sorry I didn't reply to your last post. I'm usually on here a lot, but just lately I haven't spent much time online so didn't respond to you.

How are you feeling at the moment? Thanks for telling us about your experience and what you've been through. It's not surprising that you feel depressed, after all that's happened. You seem to have coped with the trauma of the whipple really well and getting back on your feet quickly. My husband went through what you did, having anxiety with his chemo, and I've heard of others feeling the same way, too. It's hardly surprising that now things have settled down you are starting to worry and get anxious about the future. Sometimes, when everything is happening at once, your body and mind just get on with things. It's only when things calm down that you can be hit hard by the enormity of what's happened to you. My husband also got very depressed at one point. It was only by good luck that he had a wonderful district nurse who put his name forward to be able to go to the local hospice's day care once a week that he then got the chance to meet up with others who were in the same boat as him and it really did him the world of good. I know you're not in exactly the same situation, but it's the same thing - you DO need to talk to someone, compare experiences, hear that what you're feeling is normal etc. Have you checked if there are any cancer charities or groups in your area which might offer a similar service? I notice there weren't that many responses to your post on here - I think everyone is involved in their own problems at the moment, or no one else is going through the same situation, so unfortunately it doesn't seem you've had much support - which is very, very unusual! I hope you can find something locally for you to get involved with, or perhaps try another cancer website, as it seems you do need to be in touch with someone if you are to get yourself back on track.

I'm sure everyone who has cancer must wonder if it's going to come back. It must always be there, at the back of your mind, so you can't be the only one thinking that. All I can say is that, cancer or no cancer, there's no guarantees for any of us whether we'll still be here in 6 months, a year, 5 years etc. I don't mean to be morbid saying that, just that we should all really make the most of every single day because we just don't know what is around the corner! You've come through the whipple. You've finished your chemo. Try and think that you've already beaten some of the odds and try to stay positive. We know my husband is terminal but we still try to make the most of what we have together. If we sat around being depressed about the situation, we would be wasting the precious time we have left together, so we try to focus on enjoying ourselves as much as possible. It's not always easy, I can tell you, but I what's the alternative?

I don't know if any of what I've written will be of help to you, but I just wanted you to know that you certainly won't be the only one going through the mental stress and worry and depression that you might be experiencing at the moment. Hopefully, you will find a way to get yourself feeling better and feel able to enjoy things a bit more. Someone HAS to beat those odds, and hopefully it will all be ok for you!

Please do write again if you want to talk. Sending you my best wishes.

Ellie