I'm having myself a pity party (Feel free not to read)

[Nardobd]

Ever wished that you could just disappear? That's how I feel right now. There doesn't seem to be one area of my life where there isn't catastrophe looming:

- Ted's tumour markers are higher than ever

- My elder daughter's fiance (bearing in mind that she's getting married in 4 DAYS) has turned round and said he's not sure whether he can go through with the wedding

- My two daughters have had a fight and aren't talking but both expect good Ol' Mum to take 'their side'

- I have a time critical crucial project at work which is falling apart

- my best friend and confidant has passed away from a neurological disorder

The straw that broke the camel's back was a really petty thing - we took the dog out for the day today and because neither of us drive we got a taxi back from the train station. The dog was (very slightly) sick in the taxi and it cost me £50 soiling fee. I can't be angry with the dog - she'd been well behaved all day and just had the effects of the sun and overheating. Of course I understand the need for a soiling fee when there is damage but we actually just wiped it up ourselves and there was no damage or residue...it was just an additional £50 for the driver.

I know that Ted's the one with the disease but it's all too much. I feel like a child - I want to stamp my foot and shout "It's not fair!!"

I'm not expecting sympathy or even anyone to respond - I just needed to get it out there.

Nicki

[Juliana]

Hi Nicki,

Sounds like the taxi driver was takin' the p*ss, and ontop of everything else that is happening now wonder you feel like you do.

With all that has happened recently, I'm surprised your post was so calm and collected....mine wouldn't be.

As for the wedding, the timing isn't the best for sure - but some men choke at the altar - and that would be even more disasterous and emotional scarring. I just hope his reasons are valid, and if they aren't then maybe your daughter is having a lucky escape.

Siblings argue....hopefully with time it will sort itself out. However, even now I am not talking to my younger brother....he has a restraining order stopping him from contacting the whole family, for 5 yrs (it's a long, sad and complicated story). I unfortunately do not miss him not being in my life - but it must be hard for my parents. If they have retained a strong childhood bond, they should get over it and get back to normal, if they never had it (bond) or it has been lost along the way....bet not to interfere.

As for your best friend passing.....my heart goes out to you. If you are anything like me, you may make 1 or 2 close friends in the whole of your life....and they mean the world to you. My best friend came to visit me last week.....it lifted me no end - but I cried when I waved her off, wondering if I'd ever see her again. 'Best' friends are few and far between.....so for this I send a huge *hug* *squeeze* and even a little *kiss*.

As for work.......my word....how the hell you have kept down a job with all that is happening is totally inspirational....and if 'work' can't see that and cut you some slack.....they do not deserve you. ASK FOR HELP with the project if need be....best you rope in some helpers and see it done successfully than watch it crumble.

And you're right....life isn't fair.

Juliana

[Ellie]

Oh Nicki, don't they say it never rains but it pours?? What an awful time you are having at the moment. No wonder you are feeling sorry for yourself. You have every right to! You have been so wonderfully positive, brave and supportive, not only to Ted, but to everyone else on here for such a long time. Something has to give sometimes and it is usually something small that is the final straw.

I am so sorry that you've lost your friend. That, alone, is enough to drag you down. Weddings are stressful even if things go perfectly. Hopefully, your daughter's fiance is just having last minute nerves. I'm sure your daughter's will sort themselves out, but of course you are in the middle and it's all extra stress for you. The taxi incident must be so infuriating - can you not complain to the taxi company? Although that is just more hassle in the long run. Obviously, Ted is your major worry and it's the "not knowing" which is the worst.

I truly hope that things will settle down quickly. I wish there was something I could say or do to help, but please know I am thinkng about you and hoping that everything will work out well in the end. You know how to contact me if you it would help.

Please take care of yourself and do whatever you need to get yourself back on track again.

Lots of love

Ellie

xx

[volmod]

Dear Nicki: Looking at that list of yours I’m not surprised you want to stamp your feet and shout “it’s not fair”. You deserve a big rant and you’ve come to the right place to let it all out – and if huge hugs can translate across the internet then there’s an enormous one on its way. I’m so sorry to hear about your best friend & confidant, you’re right we don’t get many in our life and to lose one at such a time is so very hard. I’m hoping, too, that your daughters may be a source of support rather than more worry. They must know it’s extremely difficult to stay strong for everyone all the time.

Thinking of you, and hoping that despite all this, Saturday will turn out to be a wonderful and truly memorable day for you all. xxx Vee

[deb68]

Hi Nicki

My heart goes out to you - wouldn't it be good to just say 'Beam Me Up Scottie' !

Heres hoping everything resolves itself - I too am very impressed with the fact that you are still managing to work with all of this going on! I haven't been able to work since April but as mentioned in another post - ANY employer worth their salt should be giving all the support possible right now so don't knock yourself out over a job!

Wishing you peace and calm soon!

Debbie.x

[millyjo]

Dear nicki,

You of all people, have the right and the need to shout and rave and have a pity party.

The support and words of wisdom you have provided to myself and many others has been without doubt inspirational. Plus the loss and sorry you have encountered over the years and more recently with the death of your best friend . .my condolances.

What you are going through with Ted is in itself a mountain, but as you are seemingly the strong one others rely on you to sort things out . . but you need a shoulder too.

It is strange that when things seem like they can't get any worse, they do.

As others have said I'm sure the fiance is just having wedding jitters, your daughters will I'm sure come round. As for the taxi driver, what a money making scam. . .how much does he make on a saturday night!

Here's hoping all goes ok and most of all for Ted and you.

All my love

Thinking of you.

Millyjo xx

[dockhan]

Sorry to hear about that. Life can be a real b**ch sometimes. At the moment I've had 2 years of non-stop bad luck. It's just been one thing after another and you do feel that people are kicking you when you are down. It's important to not let it get you down and realise that every day that passes takes you closer to your luck finally changing. Hope your luck changes very soon!

[Nardobd]

Thank you all for your kind words.

First of all, the wedding did go ahead yesterday and it was a wonderful day. My daughter looked beautiful and radiant (ok I'm biased!). Ted walked her up the aisle and even managed one spin round the dance floor with her, even though it took everything he had and he was rather grey afterwards.

The younger daughter didn't attend but it didn't ruin anyone's day; in fact I was rather relieved. I know it's not a nice thing to say but I'd rather she didn't come than they continue their fight on such an important celebratory day.

Juliana, you are exactly right - I have (or more correctly, had) two close friends who I would trust with anything. I'm missing my friend greatly but I know that's just selfishness because he was suffering and is now free from pain and anguish.

All of your good wishes are helping me to bounce back and I'm very grateful.

I hope that everyone else is ok.

Love

Nicki xx

[clair2305]

Oh Nicki

you have as many pity parties as you like and stamp and stomp as much as you want, after all, it's your pity party and you can cry if you want to (sorry very similar to bad 80s track lol).

I'm glad the wedding went well for all.

And I'm sorry you lost your friend. It's hard for us partners and other family members.....my friends are a great support, Blue and I have three particular friends who are great and we can confide in, together or separately.

I could sit here and cry all the time but that's not fair on Blue and some people could think I'm being a bit vague, distant or even happy, but something he said to me last week made me put my emotions in check....he said he feels guilty, when I asked what for, his response was because everyone was upset. Obviously that set me off again but I told him in no uncertain terms that he has nothing to feel guilty about and that we are all upset because we love him.

Also, as suggested by Juliana, ask for help with your project at work, I don't know if you have a good relationship with your employer but to be honest, the fact that you are even there is a credit to you. I am not working as you know and even if I could I know I would be a wreck worrying about Blue all the time....my social life consists of popping round a friends for a cuppa for an hour or so, n I know Blue worries about me, but I wouldn't have it any other way, I want to spend all my time with him (whether he wants to or not haha).

And once your project is finished book a few days annual leave.

Clair

[Ellie]

Hi Nicki

So very pleased to hear the wedding went ahead and that you all had a wonderful day! If it was anything like my daughter's wedding day, it would have been a real mixture of emotions to see their Dad walking them down the aisle. I was thinking about you and hoping it would all work out, so congratulations to the happy couple and I hope that is one less worry for you now.

Hope things improve with your other worries now.

Love

Ellie

xx

[Juliana]

Hi Nicki,

So glad you and your family had a lovely day. I bet the day will be held very close to your daughters heart for more than the usual reasons.....and Ted must feel a great sense of achievment and duty done - a proud Father.

I can remember holding my Dad's hand in the car on the way to the Church.....I think he was more nervous then me

I also remember asking an off duty policeman to watch my brother for the duration of the wedding incase he 'played' up. Even though I thoroughly enjoyed my day and it went smoothly, I did have to check over my shoulder several times to make sure he was behaving himself and upsetting the family.....he was only there because I loved my parents, not because I wanted him there.

Siblings eh?

So.....are we going to see any pictures??? And what was the mother of the bride wearing...? (yes....that's you...)

Juliana

I hope everything else starts to fall into place and take a positive shape for you....it's time you had some good things happen.