new carer support

[cariadfi]

Hello to everyone,I am sorry to say that I am a new reader of the topics regarding our loved ones, I have been reading all your inputs recently and my heart goes out to you all as i am in the same boat!,

My darling husband James was diagnosed on new years eve with this dreadful cancer! as expected we did not go to our friends to party but had to break the news to our two children who are adults now but still took it hard as they love their dad very much. We are now five months on, and after chemo and two blood transfusions and numerous other side effects, James had another scan two weeks ago to see if the tumor had shrunk, but unfortunately not! so he has gone through all this with no results. He gets very stressed and anxious for the hospital visits and is nearly always sick on the journey even before he has the treatment. He is a great outdoor man, being a farmer and can not bear to be stuck indoors for any length of time, loves his wildlife projects and always thinking what he can do next, it has been really hard to watch him fade from a healthy active man .The weight has just fallen off him as he was unable to eat for weeks, his appetite has improved slightly and his weight is now stable. now there is no more chemo.He has been offered radiotherapy combined with more chemo and we have been deb ating all the issues that come with it, 25 daily visits to the hospital does not appeal to him, all through the summer I know that mentally he will not cope, physically also doubtful, if we thought for a moment that it would work then yes but they have said that it may give him an extra 2 to 3 months,so we do not think it is worth all the anxiety, best to leave well alone and let it take its course, they have said 6 months approx! how long is a piece of string, but he is able to go out and about on his own now not having to rely on me he likes to be independent! sees to his cows drives his tractor enjoying all the thing he has missed these last few months and perhaps now that he is calmer in himself this cancer might settle down on its own and just stay the same for how ever long! quality rather than quantity is one of our sayings at the moment.We do not know that we have made the right decision but as the doctors do not give us much hope that the treatment will work as my son says its a no brainer dad! our children want to see him enjoy all the things he can still do now and not be ill indoors all the time.Well I think I have made my introduction far to long and probably muddley. but as you all know on here lives a roller coaster with this cancer , take care all and hope today and tomorrow is better our thoughts are with you, keep smiling even though it does take an effort at times.

[Ellie]

Hi (you didn't give us a name when you posted)

So sorry to read your story. It really is a shock when all this happens. You seem to be taking it very bravely, although I'm sure you are not inside.

I know exactly how you must be worrying about whether your husband should have treatment or not. My husband had two lots of chemo and then just the thought of it started making him feel ill, he could smell it in the hospital and was nearly sick on the way there, so it was no big surprise when he refused a 3rd treatment. He was diagnosed as terminal after the 2nd lot and we decided that quality, not quantity was the best way to go. He's had 6 months without any treatment now but has been in a lot of pain lately because the cancer has spread to his spine, but when the pain is controlled he has enjoyed going caravanning, shopping, meeting friends etc, so we have had so many good times and built up happy memories.

It must be even harder for your husband if he is an outdoor person and I personally feel that it is better to see someone enjoy what they love to do, rather than spend their last few months being sick and exhausted with treatments which won't really extend their life that much. Saying that, the doctors don't always get the prognosis right, do they?

There is no easy answer. It's what you, your husband and family feel is best for your situation. All I can do is send you my sympathy and say that we are here to talk to and help, if you need it.

Best wishes

Ellie

x

[Nardobd]

Hi fi (I hope I've assumed correctly) and welcome to our little "family". I'm so sorry to hear about James.

My husband, Ted, is a hospital-phobe and he too refused the chemo-radiotherapy treatment after his chemo ended. Like you and James, we looked at the benefits and the disadvantages and thought that the benefits weren't sufficient. I'm pleased to say that it's well over six months since Ted's chemo ended! We're waiting for scan results at the moment and we'll see what happens from there.

I do think that stress has a part to play, in this and many other diseases, so I hope that James is right and everything settles down for a while at least.

Ted and I also subscribe to the "quality over quantity" theory but deep down are greedy - we want both! (as I'm sure you do). I do think that it's important for Ted that he can enjoy life right now and make the most of whatever time he has (and let's face it none of us, whether diagnosed with cancer or not, know how long we have left).

Your introduction wasn't too long at all - we're all here for each other and feel free to talk, vent or even just moan if you need - one of us will always try to help.

Take care and you and James are in my thoughts.

Nicki x

[heathboy]

hi my name is darren in 2007 my wife was told the same news alot of what you are all going through. sadly my very brave and very strong wife past away on the 10th may this year. im am not going to go on about it but if you wont to no how it was for a hubby to loose his wife at the age of 38 . 3 years of hell go to facebook darren switzer. it was my way of letting it out when i had to be strong for my wife and kids. the story not finish yet just got the end game to put on prop. some of it might help some might freak you out. ps the mac were brill tracey died at home was her last wish. any q i can help with if i can i will. keep your chins up . but keep it real . daz xxx