Dads journey and advice

[elliej88]

Hello all, I am new on here but have been reading all the stories and information to try and get some advice.

 

My dad's situation is rather unusual (Id not known it was possible) as he has two primary cancers, I will try to be as succinct as possible in my explanation of how we got here (Terminal advanced pancreatic cancer with mestastes to kidney and stage 2/3 oral cancer)

 

In March this year (2023) my dad was a healthy 68 (he then turned 69 in april) year old man who worked as a heating engineer carrying heavy tools around. He began to develop a tooth issue and found he had an impacted wisdom tooth and this was removed in a small surgery. Unbeknownst to my dad they also removed tissue and biopsied it and when he returned to let them know it was still causing him pain he was diagnosed with oral cancer.

 

The oncologist said he would need an operation to remove his jaw bone in which the cancer was contained and that this would involve bone being taken from his leg to replace the bone removed from his jaw.

 

In May dad had scans to check if this cancer had spread or was anywhere else, in one of the CT scans a mass was spotted on his pancreas but the urgency of his jaw operation took precedent according to his team so to cut a very long story short the operation was cancelled 3 times and by June 2023 his tumour had grown so large it had broken his jaw.

 

The team decided to take a biposy of the mass on the pancreas before dad had his operation.

 

Finally dad went for his operation at the end of June and it ended up being a great deal more complex, took 18 hours due to the spread of the cancer and the fact that his leg bone could not be used and in the end a titanium jaw was inserted.

 

A week after this first operation he was whisked back into surgery as he had an infection in the titanium jaw and this was removed resulting in dad having to be tube fed and a permanent trachaeostomy as a result.

 

After nearly 7 weeks in hospital recovering his head and neck cancer team were thinking of next steps to try and prevent the return of the jaw cancer (it had spread to his lymph nodes by this point and was given a 20% chance of recurring).

 

The team had had the results back from the biopsy. He was diagnosed with a adenocarcinoma on the head of his pacreas.

 

They then decided to give dad a CT scan of his pancreas to see where this situation was at in order to make a decision. The scan revealed the tumour had spread to his kidneys and dad has been given 3-6 months to live, he has opted out of chemo as he is naturally worried of the side effects for example being sick and this would result in him aspirating due to his trachaeostomy. 

 

I am so sad, I love my dad to an extent I cant articulate. I dont want him to pass but can anyone advise me on how the next 3-6 months may go?

 

Elle

Edited September 19, 2023 by elliej88
grammar

[Skippy]

It's really a hard time for you elle. 

I nursed my brother (74) with PC. he had two very concerned anxious adult children,who would not accept any such  diagnosis. Its natural we dont accept it. Your Dad will be bravely too, trying to re-assure you and all his loved ones around. I know my brother wanted desperately to re-ssure his children throughout the diagnosis, hospital admissions, the conveyor belt of endless tests.

I could only consider, a 'swop places' (in my mind) and think what could I do for him, or what would I want for my loved ones, who are also going thro this with me. How could I prepare my own daughter or my son? By this and chatting to my brother it was a great help (to both of us). 

I'd want my daughter to be strong for me, to talk about HER day, to reassure me shes coping, she WILL cope and not dwell on each visit, on my 'lousy' set of circumstances. Id want in, on her daily events, Id want to listen to her talk about her plans, her days, our laughs we had of my old good healthy days. I think all parents fears will be for their children and how they will cope upwards and onwards. 

Hes here now. He's still with you. Such precious valuable time.

My brother was made comfortable by the Medical experts, and he was alright 'up to his latter 3 weeks'. He was in bed upright a month chatting good days, from given his " three weeks time limit" most of the time after then, he just slowly fell sleep more and more hours as the last 3 weeks progressed. 

 

A very sad time for you, and your Dad. I'm hoping you can find the strength and that you can cope. I'd reassure him that you can.