Mum passed away

[Windbeneathmywings]

Just over a week ago my beautiful Mum passed away from this awful disease. I am struggling to come to terms with it. She was diagnosed in September 2022,but the cancer hadn't spread 3 weeks before she died. I can't understand how she went so quickly. Is it common to progress so rapidly? I am traumatised by her suffering at the end. She was in so much pain. I keep wondering if she could have had longer had her care been better. Her final few day end of life care I can't fault, but she just seemed left as a victim of the struggling NHS before then. I'm feeling guilty thinking I should have done more. 

[rogs]

It's almost a year since I lost my beloved wife to this dreadful cancer.  Diagnosed in June 2021, I lost her in February 2022. 

Like you, I kept wondering if we might have had longer, if the diagnosis had been made earlier?

What I do now know is that we wasted precious quality time with pointless 'palliative' chemotherapy.

(Now there's an oxymoron - 'palliative chemotherapy' ?)

Tragically, the survival rate for this awful disease has not improved much over the last 50 years. It remains one of the most deadly of cancers.

I think it's probably fair to say that once the diagnosis has been made after the time where surgery might be possible, it's all really about how much quality time you have left. Most attempts at any treatment - apart from pain relief - seem to be for the most part academic.

Like you, we were grateful for the quality of the end of life care, but I do now think that there was really nothing we could have done differently - earlier on - to make any real difference.

I see these TV adverts for Cancer Research and Macmillan, showing smiling folk  recovering from various  cancer treatments.

I suspect there are very few (if any?) of those patients with Pancreatic Cancer.

I have spent much of the last year beating myself up with what we might have done differently - and  the guilt that goes with that.

Looking back, that has been a pretty pointless exercise. 

I'm sorry for your loss. I think I have some idea of how you feel.  Try not to feel guilty. .. there's really nothing much you could have done to change the outcome.

I do still donate to this Charity, in the hope that their research will bring the kind of advances we have seen in the treatment of other cancers.

And that will hopefully mean fewer folk having to suffer from this awful cancer in the future.

 

   

[broju]

I’m so sorry for your loss Windbeneathmywings.  I echo every word Rogs has said. My initial feelings when my husband died were that maybe I could have done more.  We spent many, many hours researching and getting ‘opinions’ even though we were regrettably already familiar with the disease and knew the statistics. I am still reading anything I can find but I’ve regretted for some time that we pursued help rather than enjoyed more quality time.

Take great care of yourself. Xx

[Windbeneathmywings]

Thank you both for your replies. I am starting to think you are right. Quality rather than quantity of life. I've read the statistics and they are frightening. I too have donated to the charity in the hope that something can be done.

[Bkh]

On 1/23/2023 at 12:47 AM, Windbeneathmywings said:

Just over a week ago my beautiful Mum passed away from this awful disease. I am struggling to come to terms with it. She was diagnosed in September 2022,but the cancer hadn't spread 3 weeks before she died. I can't understand how she went so quickly. Is it common to progress so rapidly? I am traumatised by her suffering at the end. She was in so much pain. I keep wondering if she could have had longer had her care been better. Her final few day end of life care I can't fault, but she just seemed left as a victim of the struggling NHS before then. I'm feeling guilty thinking I should have done more. 

Which stage was it when she was diagnosed? What were the symptoms? Didn’t doctor consider her for resection?

[Support Team]

Thank you windbeneathmywings for your kindness at this time of sadness. 

 

Our condolences for the sad loss of your mum. 

 

And to the others who have donated - we appreciate it greatly. 

 

Our nurses are here to offer support.

 

You can email them at nurse@pancreaticcancer.org.uk or by calling Freephone 0808 801 0707.

 

Best wishes,

 

Support Team. 

[Hope117]

Condolences to you on your loss. I lost my mum in November 2022 and I found it very traumatic. I'm still struggling to accept she passed away, but I'm still angry that she had to go through so much suffering. It's difficult for me to move on from it, but I'm doing what I can to keep moving forward. 

The best part of my life was taken by a monster of a disease. My mum was strong though. Yes, she cried. She had monents of sobering reflection and moments of distress, but she was relentess. 

 

I have nothing but loathing for cancer and what it does to people. We have to find a way to heal and embrace the good in life.