Counseling

[HMcG]

Hi there, my Mum was diagnosed with stage 3 PC in December 2021 and myself, my husband and our 1 year old daughter have moved in to care for her. We also help to care for my mother-in-law who has metastatic uterine cancer and is currently undergoing chemotherapy. I have recently returned to work after maternity leave and I'm finding everything quite hard to deal with. On the whole I feel I cope well and im good at keeping myself in check for my family, especially my daughter, but I've been thinking it might help to have someone to offload on to who I don't know. My husband and friends are very supportive and I know they would happily listen to my woes but I just feel like it would be helpful to have someone i can just check in with every now and then. Has anyone got any experience of using counselling to help them through this and did you find it helpful? Thanks very much for reading my post xx

[PCUK Ellie]

Hi @HMcG - thank you for sharing here. It sounds like you have a great deal to manage with both your Mum and your mother-in-law's diagnoses, as well as a new addition to the family (congratulations!) and finding your feet back at work after leave. I think it's totally understandable you're finding things hard to deal with, and I must say it's really positive that you're thinking about the effect this is having on you and what kind of support you might need.

 

It's great to hear your loved ones are supportive, but you mention keeping yourself 'in check', and I appreciate there might be an element of wanting to protect them that makes it hard to speak candidly about how you're feeling. I can understand wanting to speak to someone who's a bit more detached, who you can offload freely to.

 

I wonder whether you might like to join our Family, Friends and Carers' Cuppa? It's a very informal online session held on Zoom every month, just for people supporting someone with pancreatic cancer. It's a chance to meet other carers, have a chat and get support from people who really understand and are in a similar situation themselves. The next one is on Tuesday 22nd February at 11am. 

 

In terms of counselling, I hope other members of this community will share their experiences. Cancer Research UK have some information about finding a counsellor you might find helpful - it's always worth seeing what support is available at local centres, as many do offer talking therapies.

 

Thanks again for sharing here, and please keep us updated if you'd like to. I'm sure lots of people can relate to feeling overwhelmed - you're not alone. 

[HMcG]

Hi Ellie, I'll definitely have a think about the zoom chat, it's a bit out of my comfort zone but I do think it would be good to have a chat to people in the same situation. Thank you for your help 

[PCUK Ellie]

You're welcome! Quite a few people have shared that joining was out of their comfort zone and they weren't sure what to expect, but it really is a very friendly and low-pressure session - you don't need to have your camera on or share more than you're comfortable with, and some people just listen in. If you have any questions feel free to email supportdays@pancreaticcancer.org.uk 

 

And if you need any support in the meantime, our specialist nurses are here for you. You can call them on 0808 801 0707, or get in touch by email. 

[Su M]

Hi, I have had counselling in the past for fertility issues which I found incredibly helpful, so I would recommend it for what you are going through now too. My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic and liver cancer this past Dec and I started looking into counselling a few weeks ago for both of us to access. It was suggested I try my local 'wellbeing service' which your GP should be able to give you details of. After me doing a self referral and then organising a telephone assessment with them, I had a long conversation with the service and because I am in that category of coping well but just needing to offload my grief it was decided it was not the right avenue for me. They are more concerned with people that need CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) which I believe is a talking therapy that leads to you changing parts of your life. My need for counselling sounds similar to you, which is that you want to talk about what is happening with someone that is not a friend or family member. So I have since spoken to The Big C who have organised 6 free counselling sessions, for myself and my husband (with separate counsellors) which will start mid Feb. I believe these will be very useful just to air how you are feeling. As this is only a short run of sessions, I know I may need more, so it has also been suggested to look at counselling directories such as www.counselling-directory.org.uk or www.bacp.co.uk to help find a counsellor in your area. I will do this myself in the future but have no experience of them just yet. It sounds like you are looking after your mum and mother in law really well, you are doing a great job, but it is totally ok to need some time for yourself too to talk about what is happening to you and your family. I hope my experiences help a little.

[HMcG]

Hi Su M, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. That's all really helpful I'll try the Big C as that sounds like something that would helpful, at least in the short term. Mum is back in hospital with yet another bout of pancreatits so I will have some time to do some research tonight once the baby is in bed. Thanks again for all your help and I hope you and your family are keeping as well as can be expected xx