It's tough

[gillvb1]

Oh Trevor, I really feel for you and Chris and am at a loss for words. I have followed your story and am full of admiration for you both. Words are not enough but you are both in my thoughts. Gill x

[Ellie]

Dear Trevor

I listened to Your Long Journey and it did make me cry.

If there's a chance Chris can recover from this latest setback, then let's pray she does. If this really is her Long Journey, however, then all you can ask for is that it is a calm, peaceful and pain free one.

I hope you find the strength to cope with this new chapter of your lives. When you have a minute, listen to Find Me by David Gates (it's on You Tube). I think it may give you something to hold on to.

You are in my thoughts.

Ellie

x

[LilyG]

Trevor,

One cannot help but be touched by your note and I dare say you won't be reading this now.

Having witnessed 4 close relatives 'fall asleep' in their last hours I felt both desperate but also relieved that how they went was as peaceful as it could be. They all went either in hospital or in a hospice and all from cancer within the last 2 years.

I sincerely hope that if, as you say, your fears are founded that it is a peaceful climax to an eventful and happy life together.

I have two songs that I cherish: The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson (for those of us 'found' by someone they love) and Lay Your Head Down by Keren Ann (for times past, present and invoking memories in the future).

Take care x

[Trevor]

Hi All

I bring you the sad news that my beautiful Chris left us at about 3.30 this morning. She was peaceful & died in my arms. I will let you know more over next few days but maybe you want to take a look at www.girls-have-fun.co.uk , which is her short term information website.

God Bless

Trevor

[Nardobd]

Dear Trevor

I'm so very sorry to hear that Chris passed Friday morning. What a blessing, though, that she was peaceful and in your arms - exactly where she would have wanted to be. I've taken a quick peek at some of Chris' photos and she's a beautiful woman, with a personality to match her looks.

It goes without saying that you have my deepest condolences and if there's anything we on the board can help with please do shout.

Take care of yourself and make sure you get enough sleep. Don't forget to let us know how you're doing from time to time.

Love

Nicki xx

[Juliana]

Dear Trevor,

So sorry that Chris has gone but so pleased you were able to be there with and for her.

Thank you for letting us know, I guess logging onto the computer is one of the last things you feel like doing at the moment, but we all appreciate it - and the link to Chris's page too.

I hope the next couple of weeks go smoothly, and that the family can reflect on the past 12 months with fond memories.

Thinking of you and sending much love,

Juliana x

[Ellie]

Dear Trevor

I, too, am so very sorry to hear the very sad news about Chris. If it had to happen, then at least you have the comfort of it being peaceful and with you there.

You must be so glad you took those holidays together, as they will give you some happy memories to look back on in years to come, when your pain has eased. I hope they will bring you some comfort eventually, knowing that you shared those wonderful times.

My sincere condolences to you.

Look after yourself.

Ellie

x

[LTSmith]

Hi Trevor

You very kindly responded to my plea for help and I am so moved by the pain and confusion you are going through. My Mum is back at the hospice and things

seem to be getting near the end. She has been unable to eat solid food for about a month and even liquids are becoming a problem. She is constantly sick and

very weak. When she is awake her conversation is good, although she only says a few words before falling back to sleep.

My Dad has been amazing and never misses a days visiting, he seems to be coping better now and doesnt cry as much although he still can not face the thought of Mum not coming home.

I took him some fish and chips round the other evening and he said his only wish was for her to see the house one more time, although we dont think this will happen. They had to drain Mum's stomach to try and remove the bile which is contributing towards the sickness. This truely is a horrible illness and although the amount of Morphine Mum is now being given is causing her to sleep most of time , like I said when she is conscious she is completely with it and this must be so hard. I cant imagine what she must be thinking or where she is getting her strength, she even apologises for not being sociable.

I really feel for us all and hope one day I can laugh at all my wonderful memories and not feel so helpless and sad.

Wishing you the very best

Lorraine

[Trevor]

Hi Lorraine

I'm sorry to hear that it seems your Mum is moving towards her sunset.

I can completely relate to the wish to bring her home (at least once). I was desperate to bring Chris home as she loved our house, garden & the views so much. It was very much "her home". Problem was, with her lung/chest drain it was impossible to move her in her last three weeks (when in hospital). Take comfort from her being in a hospice, rather than a hospital. Believe me, whilst front-line staff are mostly good, trying to get answers from consultants sometimes is a nightmare!

The way you describe your Mum's condition is exactly as Chris was = basically asleep, but still alert when awake although confused & anxious. Maybe ask them to consider Fentanyl rather than morphine, which they used with Chris late on & it seemed to be better. They have 3 day patches, or can use 24hr via syringe infusionwhich we found better because it could be adjusted in strength every day.

Chris was aware of everything & everyone until the very end, Keep talking, hugging, holding hands & telling her you love her. She CAN hear you.

Finally, just 7 days after I kissed Chris goodbye, please believe me that you MUST hang on to YOUR good memories. Please tell your Dad the same. Expect to be all over the place mentally, don't be afraid of crying & accept that your sleep patterns will be completely ruined. Accept all the help & comfort from friends you are offfered. It does help.

Remember all those great times, & start to bury the bad ones. I fell in love with Chris deeper in the last year than in the other 41 years. Strange how it works. I'm thinking of you all & pray that you achieve peace of mind. If you want to contact me direct, please use Chris's website - www.girls-have-fun.co.uk

God bless

Trevor

[millyjo]

Hello Trevor,

So sorry to here the news about Chris. As with any of us who looses someone special to this terrible illness, despite knowing the prognosis you hope for a miricle.

I'm sure the day will come when the fight will be won.

Take care of yourself and thank you for your words of support.

Millyjo

[Guest]

hi Trevor,

I joined the forum relatively recently and followed the difficulties Chris had had in December - the support that you have offered and found from this website encouraged me to get involved. I had spent Chritsmas and New Year in hospital with my dad and when I logged on in the new year I was so very sorry to see that Chris had passed away and lost her battle. It sounds like you've got lots of support and I hope that the plans you have for her cremation and celebrations afterwards help to focus on the abundance of good memories and lay to rest the not so good.

Thinking of you

C

[gillvb1]

Lorraine

So sorry to hear about your Mum. When my Dad was ill with PC we so desperately wanted to get him home and I even promised we would because that was what I truly believed. The very same day the realisation set in that he just wasn't well enough to make the journey and my family and I had to reconcile that it just wasn't an option. We were duped by the hospital in that they kept giving us hope when the reality of the situation was that my Dad was dying. We felt that my Dad would have some quality of life if he came home and the hospital staff agreed, but the truth was that he was already on the way out. We thought my Dad could sit in the window and look out at the garden, we could feed him his favourite food and give him his favourite tipple in his last weeks but that wasn't to be. My dad was on dialysis and when he came off it we thought that was great, a new lease of life, but the hospital failed to tell us it was because my Dad was dying. It was all a mess but the one thing I can say is that it would have been cruel to move him to get him home. Regrettable as it is that he died in hospital, we had no choice. xx I know you will think of your Mum and what's best for her. Gill xxxx