Re dark thoughts

[Norma]

Hello everyone, new to this my dad god bless him has reached the ripe old age of 87 without much illness when suddenly to be told in January this year that he probably only has 3 months to live, he has got pc with it having spread to his liver I am caring for him but I am finding it very difficult to deal with all the thoughts about ending his life sooner he keeps saying what about throwing myself under a bus or shall I book a one way ticket to Switzerland I tell him this is not going to happen but he still persists, I have told the nurse but all she says is don't leave any tablets about, anyone else had this situation, please reply as I am really struggling not to loose my temper with him and to tell him it's hard enough i am going to loose him when the time comes.

[Veebee]

Welcome Norma I wonder if your Dad's just telling you how upset he is at hearing that his life may soon be over? I do think that sometimes people are better off not knowing what their prognosis is. My husband gets very down and says how fed up his about his illness. Years ago this information was given to the family but not the patient and it was up to them whether this info was divulged to the patient. Even on the day she was dying my mother thought she still had a chance but that was over 40 years ago. This hope is taken away for most people when a prognosis is given. I don't know what else to say to you but there are plenty of people on this forum who will be along to give you advice because, maybe, they've had the same scenario with their relatives.

Vee xx

[Guest]

Hi Norma,

Welcome to this forum where no one ever wanted to come but which can provide a way of getting your feelings out and tremendous support both emotional and practical.

Is your Dad taking any anti depressants? If not you should speak to his GP about them, in fact you should tell your GP about the way your Dad is feeling, their mental health is as important as their physical. Nearly everyone has them at some point especially when they are moving towards the end of life. They really do help. I am sure the nurses on here will be able to advise you further on this, they are there to help so please do give them a call, it's what they are here for.

Is your Dad religious? Sometimes even when they appear not to be, they can be very worried about things in their past and sometimes a vicar or priest can make a good counsellor as they are trained to speak with people about all the issues that come up as we re-examine our lives. Other good people he could chat to about his feelings would be hospice nurses. Don't feel bad if he needs to speak to someone else, we don't always want to burden those closest to us.

I know this is going to sound hard but what you say about telling him to stop talking to you like this has some merit. I was warned on my hospice coping course (is one available near you?) that although they were very poorly, behaviour which hurts others must not be meekly tolerated. I am sorry that your nurse seems so disengaged because often they are in a better position to speak to the patient about this sort of talk than you are which is why I think you may want to speak to a local hospice and certainly to your GP. They can allow him to say what he wants to say to them and they have much more experience in dealing with these feelings and explaining how horrible it is for you.

I do hope you are in a position to go on a caring course if you haven't done so as they are not really about nursing but do include, diet, pain control, sleep, nausea, exercise and relaxation. They also cover the stages of death and what you might expect. It sounds grim but it doesn't have to be and you will find others in the same boat who have good tips for how to deal with things like this.

I am sorry that you are dealing with this but I think that a chat with the GP might bring some much needed help for both you and Dad.

Marmalade xx

My thoughts are with you on your journey and you are now with people on the forum who understand how you are feeling.

[raun cesar]

Hi Norma,

i am really sorry to hear about your dad condition. I know it difficult to witness all this and being helpless losing them slowly but its better to tell them so he make-up his mind and wrap-up any affairs he could have. May the lord give you and your family the needed strength.

[Snowdonwatcher]

Hi Norma

I'm the other way around on this, in that I get depression and have been on anti-depressants for quite a long time, have had therapy etc. I used to think about suicide and have been very close once, about ten years ago.

However, I now have inoperable PC, and suddenly it's out of my hands. No, I don't want to die. I don't want cancer, as I want to stay around and watch my grandchildren grow up.

Argh......... I will live every day to the maximum I am able, spend time with the family, and enjoy each day as it comes along.

Suicide, early death, NO WAY!