Already Hormonal Teen playing up after Dad's diagnosis

[fionaw]

I parent our 14 (nearly 15) year old son most of the time on my own because my other half - who was diagnosed a week ago, inoperable, drain next week chemo hopefully startingnext week too - lives in the UK, we live in Spain.

He's been difficult for several months but as soon as we got the news he was lovely, behaving well, etc. We've had to return to Spain for school and now, 8 days after diagnosis, he's acting up - room a mess (yes he's a teenager), not doing what told, not caring if I point out how we need to be nice with each other.

Is there any online support for either teen PC family members or teen cancer family members, or parents of them? I'm at my wits' end but am aware maybe I'm being unrealistic to expect him to just get back to 'normal' while we wait to be able to move to be with Dad (which son doesn't yet know - that too is going to be a biggie).

I've got another thread going, "New Diagnosis, First Oncologist Meeting Tomorrow" but I don't want to muddle the two topics - the other one is mainly about symptoms, how to deal with the medical team, etc., while not there.

I did search the word teenager but the posts seemed mainly to have helpful teens helping in dire situations or teen patients.

Anyone any experience? Apart from anything else I'm panicking right now because he is 45 minutes late getting up after a bolshy evening last night, and won't get to school on time at this rate despite saying (grunting)yes that he's going.

Just what we need.

[Didge]

Contact Winston's Wish. They help not only bereaved children but those with parents with life threatening and terminal illness. X

[Didge]

They have a website with lots of useful information x

[fionaw]

Thanks again. Will Google now. Thankfully on one of my many attempts to get him up, C said he just couldn't cope and two sets of warring friends was the way to start getting him to talk; he's not getting up at the moment but I feel he will. We at least have started talking about the fact he wants things to go back but knows they won't ... he knows Dad needs us there but will probably flip bigtime when I say we need to be there permanently............ anyway off to google. x

[Elaine123]

Fi he needs close contact with his Dad right now as with being so far away all sorts of things must be going through his mind and growing out of all context because he is not seeing him to allay al those imagined things, it is a huge life changing moment in his life and there is no prior experience of how to handle the situation to help him. Could you not temporarily move to UK while this is all going on and enroll him at a nearby school while you are here. Moving him permantly right now is placing another huge burden onto his already heavy load and may make dealing with his Dad's PC too much for him to handle. Later down the line it may be a good idea for him to be able to go back to a familiar school and familiar friends for a time which will will make his loss a bit more bearable. Please don't put too many life changing events on to him as it may be too heavy a load for his young mind to carry. You will both be able to make decisions together then as to what the future holds for you both. Love and hugs to you both

Elaine

X

[Dandygal76]

I have written a million posts I should be posting on here and never quite complete them. I will say this one thing to you now though... the school needs to get on board with this... both counselling and kick up the backside. I could not have done this with my (16 year old at diagnosis) without their absolute expertise and help!!! I went to hell and back with my son and I could not have done it without the school.

Sorry - everyone else... I am coming out the other side a bit but I have had a quite severe shock reaction to things I did not expect. x

[Dandygal76]

In addition, my son refused to go to school and would not get up.. it was a nightmare. He failed all his mock GCSE's and then he started shoving and being a bad boy. I just told the school and they sorted it. My dad (who has been his dad equivalent) was too tired to deal with it. It really was the most horrendous time... hang in there. We got through it and he got very good grades. Just talk and pull on every resource out there.. starting with the school (and tell them everything). x

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi Fiona,

Sorry to hear this about your son - teenage years are difficult as it is without having additional stress and upset.

You could also try RipRap - a special charity for teenagers. Please see the link below:

http://www.riprap.org.uk

I hope this is helpful.

Kind regards,

Jeni.

Jeni Jones

Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurse

Support Team

Pancreatic Cancer UK

email: support@pancreaticcancer.org.uk

support line: 0808 801 0707