Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

[sandraW]

Mo, I am so sorry,sending yet more love and hugs, sandrax xx

[Veebee]

Dear Mo My sincere condolences for the loss of your brave man. We're all here for you when you need us. Vee xxxx

[Ant11]

Dearest Mo.

In my thoughts and prayers. I believe this quote says it all......

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

Peter was a very special man, with an amazing woman behind him.

Love Annette xx

[Veema]

I had that quote on Nige's funeral order of service...its a Winnie the Pooh quote.

Vx

[Quickasyoucan]

Mo, I shall raise a glass to your proud Highlander tonight - and to you and Boris. Xx

[Ant11]

Veema wrote:

> I had that quote on Nige's funeral order of service...its a Winnie the Pooh

> quote.

>

> Vx

Yes V, I think it's lovely x, another one I think is lovely is "How do you spell LOVE?, you don't you feel it " xx

[MaxineR]

Mo, I am so very sad to read your sorrowful news, my sincerest condolences to you and Boris

[Justamo]

Didn't really mean to post today, but I picked up the death certificate and was surprised to see that it was in his lungs as well. Dr Feelgood just said liver mets, and to feed him up a bit so he could have more chemo. If I had known about his lungs I wouldn't have tried to force-feed him butter and cream.

I've still got three-quarters of the butter and I threw the cream away last Monday.

Perhaps doctors don't want to admit defeat either ?

The kind messages on here have been rays of light in the general murk and gloom. Thank you.

Love

Mo

[Didge]

I do think docs don’t always mention everything. When Rob told his surgeon on a 3 month check up that he still couldn’t eat much he replied “well of course I did take half your stomach away” which was the first we’d heard of it. This disease does often in the end spread widely. In the last week we both realised that the primary had come back but the death certificate wasn’t specific about where it had gone. Hope you are coping with all the paperwork and arrangements Mo. Xx

[patrigib]

Oh Mo, so sorry. Not for the passing, we know it's going to happen, but for all you both had to go through.

I'm quite surprised about the lung mets and why it wasn't mention before. hope you have friends around you to help for whatever you need.

Lots of hugs

Pat

[Justamo]

For Napoleon Bonaparte, or Alexander the Great, or possibly Genghis Khan, "4 o'clock in the morning courage" meant girding their loins, huffing on their weapons a bit, assembling their elephants or murderous hoardes (if applicable) and giving their assorted enemies a good vanquishing. Googlers or those who actually listened at school will no doubt enlighten us who the phrase really refers to

For me, "4 o'clock in the morning courage" means shuffling, eyes still closed, along to Peter's room to see if his blood sugar has sunk around his ankles and he's having a hypo. The newest variation on this theme is "5 o'clock in the morning tea", which means all of the above, and in addition the realisation that there is no need for any of it, so I might as well put the kettle on.

Having been TT for more than a year, I am now into tea. Not your actual chamomile or raspberry leaf, or prune & ginger or even topmost leaf of peppermint plant tea. I prefer tea that looks and tastes like builders brew, and to this end I have tried loads of different brands. Mostly supermarket own, with a few sorties into the Twinings shelf. Trouble is that most tea bags look alike after you take them out of their shiny bags and stick them in the jar so you can't tell which was which anyway.

Which is a long winded way of saying it's stupid o'clock in the morning and Boris is having a scratch and I'm having a cup of tea.

Enjoy your day folks. I'm going to have a 6 o'clock in the morning zizz.

X

[Quickasyoucan]

Mo be thankful you don't live here my sister says the tea is p&ss weak and used to insist on dad bringing out commercial quantities of tetley in his case. Luckily they now stock it her in certain shops but the kids and I are not allowed to touch her stash!!

I hope you got that snooze x

[Didge]

Shortly After my first husband died I had sympathetic noises coming my way about how busy I must be looking after 3 children under the age of 6. But I didn’t feel busy at all because I no longer had to get up every 4 hours day and night to make juices (Gerson therapy) and all the other bits of looking after a terminally ill person. I well remember one time when I nearly fell over the banister in the middle of the night as I was so tired so I well remember that strange feeling when you suddenly don’t have to do it. As for tea I’ve stuck at PG tips. I stupidly tried a value brand recently and it tasted like floor sweepings which is probably what it was xx

[Quickasyoucan]

Didge you made me realise I promoted the wrong brand. It's PG tips not Tetley that is the brew of choice. " It's the taste" apparently Mo in my mind Peter is a strong Highlander striding over the mountains exuding Sauvage - I hope he would approve of the image. X

[Veema]

I'm a PG tips sort of gal too...my mum buys cheapo supermarket stuff and it's awful...I also like it really strong with little milk...she likes it like milky p!ss.

When I emailed Mo the other day I said it's a strange, anticlimactic sort of feeling...I didn't know what to do with myself after so long trying to force feed someone and be at their general beck and call.

Hope the funeral plans are going well.

Vx

[Justamo]

If you're sick of me skip this post because it's just one of those "and then I got up and had a shower and then I went shopping" efforts.

I went to register Peter's death today, and hadn't realised that the nice lady that I speak to most days when she takes her little dog Brodie for a walk past my garden is actually the Registrar. She enquired after Boris and then it dawned on her that I was her 11 o'clock appointment.

So the business was done, and then I had to take Form number 3 million and 7 up to the undertaker, and then I could take the rest of the day off. So I tootled around for a bit, had a snack in KFC to save cooking and then came home and finalised the music for the Crematorium bit of the service. Then I wrote a brief biography - how do you condense 85 years into a couple of sheets of A4 ? - so it's all coming together. I've asked a friend to read out this biography and to add a few twizzles of his own, and then I asked another friend who is a venerable member of the golf club to prepare a few words on Peter's golfing life. Yet another friend is going to do a reading during the Mass, and it's all going well, except that I can't actually confirm the date for everything yet.

Our crematorium is so busy that it's best to give them 6 weeks' notice of when you are going to die if you can manage it. The undertaker booked the first available slot for 24th January at 13.00 and we are shoe-horning everything in around it. Except that the Priest who I want to celebrate the Requiem Mass is away on a jolly somewhere and won't be back for a couple of days. I thought they were meant to take a vow of Poverty ? Or is that Buddhists ? He's probably playing golf in the sun somewhere. At least the church is booked, and there is another Priest who I like very much who might oblige. All a bit unsettling, I'm such a control freak that I would really like to say Mass myself, except that it wouldn't count. However, once I've knocked them all into shape I'll be able to relax. The Catholic Church is full of elderly cradle Catholics like me who know how things should be done, and have no truck with trendy guitar-playing Priests who need a hair cut. Poor things must dread facing a row of us making notes on Sunday morning, especially if they are trying to get away with using last week's sermon. Once I feel a bit better I'll nip over to Rome and sort the Vatican out.

Time for bed now, I see that I was boring you all to death at 5 o'clock this morning, so it's been a long day.

Night.

Mo

[Didge]

I didn’t actually arrange Rob’s funeral. It was his step brother. They’re all Catholics and I’m a lapsed Methodist (no drinking or gambling was never going to work for me). Rob had given prior warning, having spent his entire life being very rude about the church, that he was going to inflict a full requiem mass in an abbey church on us. But hey, guess what, the priest was also sunning himself on holiday so we had to wait 3 weeks for him to come back and the only time that was available was in the middle of my holiday and while it was very nice for me to relax with family the first week, I had to leave during the second week leaving friends who had never met each other. Then on the very long journey straight to the funeral I heard that a very close friend had died. So all in all I think you’re doing splendidly to make all this progress so soon!

[Veema]

There you see the Anglican funeral is all so much less complicated...have a chat to the vicar about the dead person, he comes up with a eulogy, choose a few hymns and a suitable reading, a nice venue and what you want on your butties and Bob's your uncle! Seriously though, I got some pleasure and comfort arranging the funeral.

Mo, you'll never bore us...we understand how important doing 'normal' things are...its good to hear that you are doing stuff...but it's ok to have a wallowing sort of day too, but I found they tended to come later on when reality kicks in. I reread my thread the night Peter died...it made me cry for all of us that have lost our loved ones...but it showed me the progress I've made to get to today...I still have rubbish days, but in the main Phoebe and I bumble along ok.

Vx

Edited January 13, 2018 by Veema

[Veebee]

Your posts are never boring, Mo. I don't have a faith and neither did Allan. I sometimes wish I did believe but I find it extremely difficult to fathom and have come to the conclusion that I must be the heathen that my Grandma used to accuse me of being when I didn't want to go to church as a child. Therefore, his funeral contained no references to God but was handled sensitively by the funeral director and the "celebrant". I don't like that word, I wasn't celebrating, but all went to plan and my sister, who had known Allan for over 50 years said a few words too.

We had to wait almost 3 weeks before Allan could have his funeral because one of the 2 crematoria in our area was closed for repairs so I can sympathise with your having to wait. It's a limbo time as Marmalade once said, I think.

You're doing great Mo, keep on keeping on. Love Vee xxxx

[patrigib]

Hope you and Boris are well.

Hugs

Pat

[Dandygal76]

I think you are all mad - it has to be Yorkshire Tea. Just when I thought I knew you all... whatever next!

We had to wait 4 weeks for dad's funeral. He died on the 9th of February and was cremated on the 8th March. I am not sure what influence it had that the only input I had to his funeral was that it needs to be afternoon so we can all raise a toast and be hungry so we could have the Wake that way.

Mo... we have bored each other for a long time now and neither of us minds I hope (Joke!). We love you and want to help you through this crap time otherwise Boris will be all alone and having to deal with it. I have become quite fond of Boris and would not want to do that to him.

Condensing 85 years to sheets of paper I imagine is extremely hard - my sister did dad's eulogy. I pretty much had nothing to do with the funeral other than the timings of the wake and there were some discussion that we could clip clop in front or behind the coffin like the Knights who say Ni (dad loved Monty Python). And that was the end of my input which is exactly what I wanted.

I hope the plans are progressing as you intend.

Love you Mo.

xxx

[Justamo]

Thank you DG, and Pat, and Veebee, Veema, Didge, and all of you who have been so kind. And of course you understand exactly what's happening.

I'm doing music for the Crematorium at the moment. Two of Peter's favourites which I had to put onto his i-Pod: Vide Cor Meum from the Hannibal sound track. If you get a chance, PLEASE listen to it, especially the very end. To spoil it for you I will tell you that the heavenly music goes quiet, there is a short silence, and then Anthony Hopkins says "ta-ta, H", and then there is the most almighty clang. Peter thought that was perfect music for a crematorium especially if it could be synced to the gates closing on the coffin. Not in the best possible taste, perhaps, but why not if that's what he wanted ? The other one he loved was, gulp, Con Te Partiro (Time to Say Goodbye) sung by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Whatshername.

So that's two for the Crem. The others are Benedictus by Karl Jenkins, the Intermezzo from Cavalleria Rusticana, Gabriel's Oboe (from The Mission) and the BBC Golf theme tune (Chase Side Shoot Up) and perhaps Levi's I Believe sung by Andrea Bocelli if there's time. They are practically asking for barcodes on coffins so that they can scan them at our Crem because they are so busy, so there won't be time for lingering silences because the next party will be banging on the door wanting to be let in. There's one every hour at the moment.

I'm just back from Evening Mass and will be seeing the Priest tomorrow at 11am. He can do the funeral as I wanted; there was some doubt because he was away on a jolly when the undertaker tried to fix it. I've got the hymns all sorted, any time I consider that a hymn is just perfect I make a note of it in the back of my missal and there's a shortlist of about 6 which I can select from. This list has been in the making for some years, and has been written mostly during utterly boring sermons and hasn't really changed very much in 25 years or so.

In a totally mad moment today I fancied wearing scarlet shoes with my all-black outfit. I even went into town and tried some on, and then wasn't sure if they would go with black tights. I'm lucky anything still fits me; I've gained so much weight during this illness.

I'm playing the playlist for the Crem in a loop very loudly so that I can desensitise to it and it won't make me cry as soon as I hear the first few bars. The idea is that I will get so used to it that I won't really hear it any more. That's the idea, anyway.

Take care all you lovely people.

Mo

[Didge]

Well you’ve certainly got enough to choose from there! When my first husband died being a bit of a traditionalist at times and having once been a classically trained musician I had a full rendition of Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D minor on the organ only for all his friends to comment “Good choice. The theme from Rollerball!” So if you manage to line up the sound effects at the end of Hannibal I’m sure it will be well received! X

[Veema]

I love Time to Say Goodbye...that would defo make me cry. I had Queen's You're my Best Friend...still makes me cry whenever I hear it now...we only get a 20 minute slot at the crem...and you leave via a back door, so that you don't clash with the next funeral waiting outside the front door!

I wanted to wear thigh high suede boots with a floaty tunic number...my mum thought 'whore's boots' weren't particularly appropriate, so smart black trousers and sensible shoes it was...I still wish I'd gone with the whore boots! Go with the scarlet shoes if it makes you happy.

Vx

[Justamo]

I seriously considered "Another one bites the dust" because he loved Queen.

I also thought about "Its all over now" by the Rolling Stones but he hated them.

And, Veema, you should know that you can't wear thigh boots with something floaty. You should wear them with hot pants. Even I know that, and I hate clothes do much that I think we should all wear uniforms.

X