Thanks for sharing your experiences . . .

[Quickasyoucan]

Mo I feel your pain and still remember sitting on the stairs outside dad's room before he went to the hospice for symptom relief. You want to help but you can't and in his case he didn't want assistance from me with toileting but couldn't manage on his own and kept yelling go away I am ashamed. Please get as much help as you can you simply shouldn't have to do this alone. One other thing- my grandmother used to have grand hallucinations whenever she had a urinary infection- are they 100 sure it's the cancer and not an infection causing the visions? Sending love and support xxx

[Marmalade]

Well done Mo, you did well xxxx

[Didge]

Oh yes the hallucinations could be due to a urine infection so worth checking. Hard to handle but I would only be worried about the aggression. Do take care! Rob only had mild hallucinations, that is until he saw a little girl in his hospice room on regular occasions. Let us know how things go. Lots of love xx

[Justamo]

GP eliminated infections on Monday, even he said it would be 'nice' to get a lovely tidy diagnosis like a urinary infection but everything was OK.

Boo and I are in bed, Peter has been up to the loo a couple of times but seemed barely awake.

My friend's mother saw a little blonde girl in the corner of the room just before she died and I thought it was probably an angel.

Night.

[WifeampMum]

So sorry to read about all the downs of the past week, it sounds ghastly.

Hoping that the 3 of you got a reasonable night’s sleep last night and that today all is calm in the Mo, Peter and Boo household.

And hats off to you Mo, you’re a real trooper!

Lots of love

W&M xxx

[Didge]

These episodes of severe confusion seem to fairly common with PC. I know of a few people who have had brain scans when docs have suspected mets or similar but have come back clear. It’s strange. Anyway thinking of you today Mo. What did you have planned for Christmas? Is anyone visiting who could help? X

[Veebee]

Hello Mo. I haven't been on the forum for a while as I find it upsetting but it's time I stopped being a wuss. I've read through your postings and I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and Peter and to say that you're handling the situation with your usual good humour and strength. Allan was confused at times but not to such an extent as Peter. I'm thinking of you both and really hoping that you can have a peaceful Christmas.

Love Vee xxx

[Dandygal76]

Hey Mo, what a nightmare you have had - lots of hugs from me. I would also worry mainly about the aggression because you would not want Peter to do something really serious to you inadvertently (and remember he did). It is such a hard time and I am grateful dad was in the hospital for the management of his symptoms not only because you can get immediate help for the patient but also because you get the help and don't end up so exhausted. Don't feel you have to do it on your own. If he was frightened when he last went in then stay with him if it happens again - don't worry about the rules. Management of that anxiety and fear is also what they need to do if it happens again, they can settle that very quickly with many options.

Wishing you a calm day.

Much love

xxx

[Justamo]

At the risk of repeating myself (which I do all the time anyway), you are the loveliest people.

I have the makings of a gourmet Christmas lunch in the freezer, excluding the little Union Flags to wave while Her Madge does her speech (Gawd bless yer Mum). I have always catered an Irish Christmas - feeds 6, enough for 12 if you stick a few more spuds in the pan - but this year I have bought a modest turkey crown, some frozen roast potatoes (my dear mother would turn in her grave at the very thought of frozen potatoes), some frozen prepared vegs (ditto mother) and something called Pigs in Blankets from Tesco. All is snugly packed up in the freezer. It may or may not see the light of day, and if you get invited round to my place for a roast lunch some Sunday next June summon up another engagement immediately.

Peter woke in pain at 0530, despite 60mg of Longtec at 2200 last night, so I gave him some Shortec and he slept again until 0830. He seems fine this morning, and has had a lovely bottle of Fortisip for breakfast. The smell of that stuff (vanilla) makes me heave but Peter enjoys it and won't try any other flavour.

Boo and I had a nice cuppa tea at 0600 and then watched TV and dozed for a bit. We are hoping for a quiet day.

Reassuring to hear about others' hallucinations and confusion. Nothing new on Planet PC, is there ?

Can you get turkey flavoured Fortisip ? No, scrub that, he'll only eat vanilla.

Enjoy your day,

Love Mo

[Sandiemac]

Mo, I am in awe. Your resilience and fortitude have me in tears. I am walking with you.

Sandie xx

[sandraW]

My sentiments too Sandie, Mo is a brick, still keeping us smiling, whilst coping admirably with all the things this shitty disease throws at her.

Mo, Trevor loved the Fortisip too but at least he would have Banana, and Coffee flavour along with the Vanilla, made me shudder too.

Glad to hear you got a reasonable night, you can cope much better with the days when you get some sleep. much love to you both and Boo too of course sandrax xx

[Veema]

Sending you lots of love Mo...cant add much more to what everyone else has, but when Nige was confused, it was due to low sodium. He hated the fortisip, much preferring the scandishakes...more like a McDonald's milkshake and when loaded up with procal powder, probably a load more calories than one too!

Keep plodding on...

Vx

[Justamo]

I am a bad parent.

I have spent several weeks explaining to Boo that Santa only comes to Good Cats, and that nicking stuff out of the fridge while I turn my back is a Mortal Sin and means that Santa will pass him by.

My friend sent a parcel, addressed to Boris, and it was delivered via Hermes. (Other delivery firms are available). Boo happened to be watching when I answered the door so now he thinks that Santa drives a white van, wears dirty jeans, and smokes roll ups. At least, I hope it was a roll up. So that's another charming little fairy story screwed.

Back to business. My Patient spent a quietish evening yesterday. Our priest called in, which was nice because I haven't been to Mass for a few weeks, and we only had table lamps on so he couldn't see the dust everywhere. Not that cleanliness is actually next to Godliness, but it does help a bit. So all was quiet, and all was calm, and a peaceful night did fall upon the earth until 2am this morning when My Patient summoned me urgently to his bedside. And the emergency ? He couldn't remember how his remote control worked for the TV. The fact that he was trying to control it with his telephone didn't help much but we sorted it out, I swore a bit, he went off to sleep and I made a cup of tea.

Today has been a good day. Peter has been pain-free; the new anti nausea drugs have worked (Ondansetron) and all was calm until he turned his TV up to volume #99 and then couldn't find the button to turn it down again. I have tried putting Tippex on the button to make it more obvious (nothing will stick to it so little stars or whatnot are no use) and if he doesn't learn to locate it pdq I will confiscate it at 10pm each night. I think I have seen some of these universal remote controls in a shop somewhere which are specially designed for the technically-challenged amongst us. I will Google it later on and see what I can do. And a different colour would be good. His phone is the same colour as the remote, and for reasons best known to himself Peter now refuses to wear his glasses, so from 3 paces he can't tell them apart. I will buy him a Mickey Mouse phone in slashing shades of red as soon as I can find one. (STOP PRESS - got one from Good Fairy Amazon)

I was invited out this evening and even arranged a sitter to come in. Peter's buddy is sitting with him now and they are talking balls. Golf, snooker and foot. But I haven't gone out because I just couldn't be bothered. OK ?

I am messing about with a bit of material which ought to turn itself into a dog coat. Not a coat made out of a dog, but a warm coat for the dog belonging to the Big Issue seller at the Co-op. I measured it up, (the dog, not the Big Issue seller) but it has a bust measuring 27" and hips of 15" so I think I'll have to knock it up out of a bit of old sheet and try it on the dog before I proceed further. (Courturiers call it a toile and use the finest muslin). Old sheet will do for now.

Thank you for all the lovely support I've had over the past few days. Over the past year and a bit actually. You listen to me wittering on at random and reply (sniff) with love.

Love, Mo

[Didge]

Hi Mo. Glad things are not too bad. And that Peter has some company. And if you want to spend a bit of time when you’re not on call making a dog coat rather than go out that’s entirely up to you! I do hope tonight is reasonable and there are no more 2am demands. I’m having a rare relaxing evening tonight before the final ‘push’ to get everything done for Christmas. Lots of love, Didge x

[Quickasyoucan]

Mo, making dog coats is highly commendable. Jake loved to dress up and insisted on fleecy jammies for when the weather got cold (by Australian dog standards). My lovely friend had a natty line with front legs and a scoop up to the nether regions. Worked a treat. Glad your patient has stabilised somewhat and hope you are sleeping ok. Hugs from a hot Sydney xx

[Dandygal76]

Oh bless you Mo.. I walked out of the shop on the snow day here with some nice ski gloves for the other half as he does not have any gloves for walking the dog. There was a poor homeless person sat there with no gloves and hardly any belongings and so I gave them to him and the other half still has no gloves. ha ha. It is such a shame (the homeless, not the other half!). I have to walk across the city quite a bit and since having Turbo (I did not name him) I also carry a tin of dog food in my wheel case and pass that to homeless dog owners. Someone posted a tweet on our local radio station talking about professional beggars earning £800 a day and so he decided to spend 24 hours on the street in the centre and made about £20. They get such a raw deal from people looking down their noses at them don't they. There but for the grace of God....

I hope you get the remote control situation sorted out. I am not sure about your tele but some have an option to state the loudest volume it can go (like in hotel rooms). I am not really technically savvy though so I am probably the worst to advise on this front. If Peter is waking though have you thought about some sleeping tablets to help. It will also help you rest more peacefully and that can only be a good thing for both of you.

As for going out... you do what you need to do. It is difficult balancing everything you have on and PC takes over your life and your mental capacity. If you have 'just a Mo' (I am so funny - did you get that!) to yourself then a bit of sewing and chatting to us is probably just what you needed.

Much love lovely lady.

xxx

[Justamo]

I callously abandoned My Patient today for a quick sortie in Tesco. The sortie in Tesco only took 10 minutes but the drive there and back took forever. They were all out today: weekend drivers, lane dodgers, squiffy Christmas-lunch pedestrians, cleansing department heavies with their refuse trucks, tractors - the whole damn lot. So I took ages, and felt awful about it. Should have gone to Lidl really, it's closer, but i wanted some corn bread for our alternative Christmas lunch of sandwiches.

We have abandoned the idea of traditional fare, and decided on sandwiches: salmon for him and smoked salmon for me. And salmon without sandwich for Boo. That way we can eat when Peter feels like it. If he feels like it. The pain has been tiresome today and he has had three lots of sickness medication. Not sure if he really feels sick, or if the pain makes him feel sick. He had phone calls from a couple of buddies, which is nice, and now wants to start organising an agenda for his next Committee meeting in January. Which is either stupid or brave or blinkered; I make no comment, I simply throw it out there for consideration.

Amazon have confirmed delivery of the TV remote control tomorrow. It has 5 buttons, on/off, volume up and down, and programme up and down. Even if he presses 2 at once or muddles them up it can't matter too much. Apparently it's easy to link it to TV. Allegedly.

The Big Issue Seller's dog's coat has turned, like every perishing thing that i touch, into a Major Project. Should it be lined ? Should it be quilted nylon ? Heavy waterproof fabric might be uncomfortable. Maybe I should embrace the recycling movement and poke around the charity shops for a mackintosh which i can butcher and refashion ? And i have to bear in mind that the dog may not have access to a drying room once it's finished its shift flogging the Big Issue. Why didn't I offer to make it a tote bag instead. I've got some left over from my selling sprees.

So today wasn't all that good what with pain and nausea and traffic, but perhaps tomorrow will be better. I bought some very expensive aftershave for Peter (God help him if I catch him wearing it for hospital appointments) and paid his annual fees at the Golf Club. He has bought me some sewing stuff. Boris has a parcel to open, so we're all happy.

I seem to have written 500 words about nothing. Sorry.

Love to all.

X

[Marmalade]

Write whatever you like my lovely, whenever you feel like it and don't feel bad because you went out and sat in the traffic! You are doing your best and that is all anyone can do.

You and I both believe that Christmas is about the birth of a baby and it doesn't matter one jot what we eat. Left to my own devices it might be chocolate mint magnum lollies for me.

Sorry to hear Peter's pain is not yet well controlled, I have sent you a mail on the subject but do please make sure you have access to the GP or hospice or some other source of help over the holiday as things can change suddenly. Has the GP arranged "just in case" drugs for you? I hope so.

Love and hugs Mo and prayers for a peaceful night

M xx

[Veema]

Hi Mo...just a quick dog coat reply...fleece fabric is the best, comfy for dog and warm and surprisingly waterproof. Have a look at Equafleece website...my two wear the tankies (autocorrect just changed that to fannies for some bizarre reason!)...they're the only coats they will wear and walk in...anything else turns them to stone!

Good luck with it (and the remote...and Peter's pain).

Vx

[Justamo]

You see ? Seek and you shall find. Just ask a PC person for the answers to life, the universe and everything. (with apologies to Douglas Adams)

I will check out the Equfleece website immediately. I had almost decided on charity shop raincoat lined with some fleece but will reserve judgement until I have researched this thoroughly. To distract myself from earthly miseries i design things in my head and Veema has given a new direction to the current project.

Night all

X

[Didge]

Mo the traffic was awful today probably everywhere. Just as I thought I would be early for work the bus stopped for no apparent reason about 50 yards from my stop. Turned out it was cars queuing round the block for Selfridges car park and I ended up being late. Oh how I miss the days when we were treated as grown ups and could decide to nip on and off buses whenever we wanted! The expensive aftershave comment made me laugh and reminded me of when Rob was in the hospice and a new young nurse came in. He hadn’t been taking much notice of anything for a while but immediately perked up and said “hello not seen you before. What lovely perfume you’re wearing ...”! “Ooh hello, there’s life in the old dog yet!” I thought. And no reason why Peter shouldn’t be planning his next committee meeting. It sounds an easier target than Rob getting dental implants which was on his list of “must do”. Still, planning is what keeps a person going. Hope the pain is under control and the sickness. Some pain meds do cause sickness so I suppose it can be a difficult balance xx

[Justamo]

Didge, you made me feel quite homesick talking about Selfridges. I've lived here since 1970, but my first job was in South Audley Street, on the corner of Mount Street. I used to walk up to Oxford Street in my lunch hour and although C & A was my budget I used to aspire to Selfridges and window shop like mad.

And at this time of year the Christmas lights were amazing. Especially the year they chose angels playing trumpets for Regent Street, which were stunning until it rained, and then all the angels filled up with water and looked as though they were pregnant. I believe they sent out a bloke with a ladder and a pointed stick to sort it out.

No matter how ill Peter has felt he's always been a bit of a tart in hospital. He used up most of his really nice aftershave while he was having chemo because the nurses there were all very chatty. On his subsequent and unplanned admissions to hospital I can always tell what the nurses are like if he asks me to bring aftershave in with his washing things.

And what are you doing up at 1.30 in the morning Didge ?

The new remote has arrived so I'm off to do some techno stuff.

Love Mo

[Didge]

Ah bless him. Sounds just like Rob! And I love the ‘angels with water’ story. It’s all looking very pretty in central London as most of the side streets also now do Christmas lights. I was up very late wrapping stuff and then got sucked in to watching the last half of Bridget Jones’s Diary which got me quite tearful. Now on train to visit parents then dashing back to Covent Garden for a birthday party (still need to get a card) and have just realised I don’t have enough plates or bedding for the Christmas guests. Oh and my car has packed up. Still there’s always tomorrow to sort everything out! X

[Justamo]

I think this the first time in 50 years that I haven't cooked a proper Christmas Dinner. I had bought some salmon of various kinds (smoked, raw and flaked) so that we could have a treat of sorts, but in the event we had an egg sandwich and a biscuit. (Cue violins).

Peter feels grim. I have stopped giving him insulin as his blood is below 12 each time I check it, and the last expert I spoke to told me it should never be below 8. In any case he's not really eating. He's dozing now waiting for a film to come on, and I am deriving a small amount of pleasure from watching Colin Jackson's bottom as he does a rhumba on Strictly Christmas. And I'm still wearing pyjamas.

Boo opened his Christmas parcel from my friend, and it proved to be a whole box full of feathery mice, little balls, scrunchy glittery toys, a positive plethora of fun. And, true to form, he has played with the box and wrapping paper all day. I gave Peter some Dior Homme Sport, (God help him if i catch him wearing it to hospital appointments) and i used his bank card to buy myself some sewing stuff and a couple of books. I took Veema's advice about dog coats and bought fleece and a backing fabric to make a dog coat (long story) so I'll cut it out tomorrow and make a start on it.

I hope you all had a calm and peaceful day. Christmas was a bit different this year, as it will have been for most of you, too.

Love, Mo

[Marmalade]

Dear Mo,

I agree about the insulin, I stopped Louis’ if he wasn’t eating otherwise his bloods fell like a stone and made him feel terrible.

The nice thing about only having to bother about yourselves is there is no pressure to spend the day in the kitchen with a turkey if what you want is a pyjama day and an egg sandwich. The salmon will be there tomorrow and you can treat yourself any time you like. Louis was very poorly for my birthday and we had no enthusiasm for celebration so I know how you feel. If making things pleases you then why not? I think Boris has the right idea playing with paper and boxes.

Peter is having a low patch which means you are too but this roller coaster goes up as well as down. Let’s hope for a good night and a brighter day tomorrow, it’s been grey wet and windy here on the south coast. If all else fails you can watch bottoms on strictly again on iplayer.

Much love to you

Marmalade xxx