Feeling totally lost

[sandraW]

Shelda, Sorry to hear you are still feeling so down, but its perfectly understandable as its such early days yet. I think we all get those feelings did we do enough should we have done this or......

This disease is so cruel, and can be so quick, and we all wonder why us, but that's just life I suppose, hard though it is. Its such a shame that work have not been more supportive but as I have said before its difficult for people who have not been through what you have to just understand how you are feeling but it helps us so much just to know that people are thinking of us,

I hope the meeting with the therapist is of some help for you,and is not as bad as you are expecting I understand they are a stranger, but hopefully they will be a well trainer stranger and that you will be able to get some things off your chest, take care and let us know how you are doing, love sandrax xx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi Shelda,

So sorry to hear all this, and the fact that your work have not been in touch or supportive confounds it all. It is a welfare issue, but some work places are much better at this than others.

I really hope that you are able to open up to the therapist - as Sandra says, hopefully, they will be really effective and make you feel like you matter, and are able to open up to them. You might find it does you the world of good, hopefully.

Have you had any sort of bereavement counselling at all? Is this something you feel might benefit you Shelda? Maybe it would be god to "share the load" of the replaying in your mind with a trained professional, to see how they can help you through this? Cruse bereavement counsellors have helped many folk on here, and otherwise.

Take care,

Jeni.

Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurse,

Support team.

[Linda G]

Hi Shelda, it's very, very early days in your grief for your Mum, don't be so hard on yourself. I know what you mean about not letting go in front of family members. I stopped going to see my older sister because her and her husband both got so upset when I cried. I went yesterday for the first time in weeks. I only stayed 15 minutes so as not to upset them. My younger sister the opposite, she lets me cry as often and as much as I need to. I sometimes go to the garden of remembrance in our local crematorium and howl out my grief. Its easier on rainy days as there is nobody there. I still cry every day, sometimes for a little while and sometimes for hours. Its 15 weeks since my husband died. Like you I go back over everything that happened over and over again. I think it's probably quite normal. I am going to a bereavement group for the first time tomorrow. It's not something I thought I would ever do but the waiting time for individual sessions is 10-12 weeks. Talking to a stranger might help you, I do hope so. I don't really know what to expect from a group meeting but it can't do any harm.Take care Shelda.

Linda G

XXX

Linda G

XXX

[Proud Wife]

Don't get me started on crying! I think between us all,we must be keeping kleenex in business!

I think bereavement counselling can be so helpful and Linda, I happen to think a group meeting will do you the world of good because you'll be surrounded by people in exactly the same position. Really pleased that you are taking the brave decision to go. Please let us know how it goes

How are you Shel? Xxx

[shelda]

Hello everyone, doing one of my late night visits again,thank you Linda, Sandra, Jeni and not forgetting PW. The nurse I was sent to was very nice and told me to just go with what I'm feeling, thinking and don't question the process and thanks to your kind words on here I have been able to open up a bit more with people and have shed a few more tears. It's been another hard week as dad wanted me to sort all mums stuff for charity, other family members, etc...alot of stuff brings back memories and the smell of her in the wardrobe it's taking ages as I just want to sit with her stuff and remember good times, definitely some outfits I can't get rid of which luckily dad is fine with, he wants to declutter as he's said the "stuff" isn't where his memories are they are inside him. It's going to be a hard few days again as I'm turning 40 and so desperately wanted mum to be with me at this milestone,my family are throwing me a small party so I know mum will definitely be there in spirit, she loved a good get together. Plus I've my friends husbands funeral tomorrow, he was diagnosed with lung cancer a month before mums diagnosis last June, he passed away 3 weeks after mum, it's bloody awful so much cancer!!!

[Linda G]

Hi Shelda, It sounds as if you you are doing a little better, I do hope so. Its so hard every day. I still cannot start with Stewart's things - I just want to leave everything as it is. I often bury my face in his wardrobes so I can smell him too. I went to the group session - it was so difficult, so much grief and sorrow in one room. I didn't contribute much and cried all the way through. The next one is the same day as Stewart's 65th birthday (his first away from me) so I don't think I will be able to go. I am waiting for an appointment for a 1-1 session. Take care Shelda.

xx

Linda G