Advice please!

[Maxine]

New to forum, Hi to everyone.

My Mum has just been diagnosed and starts chemo on Monday. At the moment she is on shut down mode and pushing those who care away from her including her partner of 23 years and myself. I am her only child and to top it off I also live on my own! I do have a good network around me with neighbours and friends but at the end of the day I shut the door and there is only me that's going to live with the emotions that lives with the carers.

I would really appreciate any advice you can give me as to what to expect over the comming months, the realities of chemo etc...

[Nardobd]

Hi Maxine and welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum.

I'm sure you've been reading the messages from others and will have realised that everyone has their own unique journey and experiences of pancreatic cancer. Some people respond well to chemo and have few side effects, others are less lucky. Common side effects include fatigue, nausea and less resistance to infection. My husband, Ted, underwent chemo and those were the only side effects he suffered and the nausea was effectively controlled by medication, so he was one of the lucky ones.

There are many reasons why your Mum could have entered 'shut down mode' and I won't try amateur psychology but I can say that even if she's pushing you away she will desperately need your support, if not now then later. It's great that you have a good network of friends and I'm sure they'll help you to cope with this traumatic time. You now have another weapon - a new group of friends on this site, who know what you're going through and have had similar experiences, to offer support.

I found that after Ted was diagnosed there was a whole mountain of information that I thought I had to know. It's so easy to get overwhelmed with it all but the reality is that you only need to know just as much as you can cope with at the time. If you have questions please ask and we'll do our best to help.

Best wishes

Nicki

[Maxine]

Thanks Nicki,

She has know calmed down! It's bee a hell of a weekend. Chemo starts today and sleep evades me! I feel a great deal stronger for the time being.

Speak soon.

[Trevor]

Hi Maxine

I've not been on forum last few days. but I know exactly how you feel because I want to know how the journey goes with my wife, Chris, but I've realised that nobody can tell you! That is crap, but it is how it is. We take every day as it comes - a glib statement but there really is no other way.

Chris is doing really well - given just 4 months last January, here we are in October and although she is permanently tired & basically can't do anything she is in fine form. So, don't take as gospel what the medics tell you!

Only "advice" I can give is - be positive, set up activities for your Mum to look forward to & "make" her enjoy life. Some days your Mum won't want to do the things you've arranged, but "make" her enjoy! Oh, and visitors are great but be prepared for some friends being unable to cope & suddenly disappearing off the radar.

Take care & believe in positive thinking

Trevor