frustrated

[sheena]

So more bad news ,Steve's brother was rushed to hospital this lunch time he had a massive bleed to the brain and nothing can be done for him.Not sure what else can go wrong but I'm certainly not having good luck

[sandraW]

Oh Sheena poor you. what a lot of cr@p you are getting, I hope Steve is feeling brighter, but with all that's happening its no wonder if he isn't. Sending you a (((hug))) and I hope things get better soon love sandrax xx

[Sueoliver]

Sheena I feel for you" it never rains but it pours! " We have had some tragedy in our family as well losing my niece and sister in law in the last 11 months! My friend has breast cancer that has metastised to her brain as well! I know how you feel! My mum went into hospital today!

I hope Steve is feeling a little better and the moods have calmed down. He must be upset about his brother. Life is so cruel at times!

Sending you lots of love and I know exactly how you feel.

Stay strong,

Love Sue xxx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

So sorry to hear this Sheena.

Very tough times for you right now - you know where we are should you need to chat at all.

KR,

JEni.

[sheena]

Just been to say our goodbyes ,I am totally shattered tried to hold it together for Steve's sake but when I saw his brother fighting so hard to breathe I lost it.He looks so much like Steve I was thinking God this is gonna be me soon holding Steve's hand .life is so cruel.they said he actually had a tumour at the front of his brain don't know why this wasn't picked up before as he had been treated for prostate cancer and was doing well.

[sheena]

Sorry forgot to add thank you for all your kind thoughts it's much appreciated love to you all xx

[Sueoliver]

Thinking of you Sheena and sending a hug. Xxx

[sheena]

My brother in law passed away early this morning .it was a peaceful death as he was kept sedated .Steve is devastated trying to get him through this .can't wait for this year to end x

[Didge]

Sheena, so sorry. I have been to 5 funerals this year, so understand when you say you can't wait for the year to end. Will be thinking of you and Steve. How hard to lose his brother when he is so ill himself. And of course it is not easy to go to funerals when you are so ill yourself. I went to Rob's uncle 's funeral with Rob a year ago and I know we were both thinking that the next one I went to would be Rob's which made it so hard. In the event we went to 2 more before Rob died! I hope you can get Steve back to focus on his treatment. I think you said you will be back to the oncologist in Dec? Didge x

[sheena]

So right didge that's exactly what me and Steve were thinking.when we went Thursday evening his breathing was very laboured he looked just like Steve laying there.when we got home Steve was in a right state saying he didn't want to die looks that and he would top himself before.took me hours to calm him down and explain the process your body has to go through.on Friday he wanted to go back to see him but luckily Steve's mate was here and we managed to persuade him not to go.I have made a promise to Steve that I will keep him home as long as I can Will play his music and put rugby/football on t v he seems more happier now I only hope I can fulfilled my promise x

[Didge]

You can only do your best in the circumstances. Rob chose to die in the hospice because of young children at home but on that long last day I wanted to play his favourite songs but we had no signal and all the hospice had was an ancient CD player and equally ancient free Sunday supplement CDs! I realised then that lots of people make funeral plans but not death plans! I had never given it a thought! If you can keep Steve at home hopefully it will be less stressful for you both. Sending you lots of love, Didge x

[sandraW]

Sheena, I can't imagine what Steve must be feeling right now, sending you both a cyber (((hug))). Trevor too so badly wanted to come home, but they hadn't got his pain sorted, and by the time they had it was too late, as Didge says you can only do your best, and in our case I still think that going to the hospice was the best I could do, but still wish I could have got him home, love Sandrax xx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi Sheena,

Certainly a lot on your plate right now. So sorry to hear about your brother-in-laws death - so fast. I am sure this will have affected Steve as well - is there any bereavement counselling available for him / you both at all? (should you need it of course). It might be a good thing to ask for a bit extra support, as Steve might have issues around his own death, after watching his brother?

Sometimes, we don't realise until we see what happens.

Please accept our sympathies at the loss of your brother-in-law. You really are a strong woman to endure all that you are having to cope with these days, weeks and months.

Take Care Sheena,

Jeni.

[sheena]

A quick check in had a relatively good weekend Steve a lot calmer now just need him to get through funeral on Tuesday.had chemo on Wednesday unfortunately his weight has dropped again ,only by a few lbs but really can't afford to lose any more.He was 14and half stone in March he now weighs 10 stone 9 .He is still eating well but doesn't seem to be able to keep it on.

[sandraW]

Glad to hear Steve is feeling a bit brighter, Tuesday will be very hard for you both I am sure. The weight loss is a problem as it makes them look more drawn and unwell. I know looking back at photos of Trevor I had forgotten how much weight he had lost and yet he was still over 11 stone when he went into hospital. I hope once the funeral is over, Steve can get back on track but of course he will still feel the loss of his brother, take care love sandrax

[sheena]

Funeral was lovely nice music and beautiful speeches .we all went for lunch after ,Steve's brother and niece came over from England so was great for them to have a catch up.saw oncologist this afternoon he is really pleased with Steve all cancer markers have stayed the same.tomorrow is last chemo .Steve Will hve a break and a scan in 4 weeks time to see what is happening .can't have radiotherapy as he thinks Steve wouldn't benefit from it .fingers crossed he can carry on like this x

[sheena]

Steve has lost more weight and is only eating fruit and a light lunch he is freezing cold all the time.Is sleeping a lot during day but very unsettled at night.He is very shakey and shuffles around can't believe how quick things are changing.love to you all x

[sandraW]

Hi Sheena,

Sorry to hear Steve is not doing too well at the moment, thinking of you and sending a cyber (((hug))) I hope he does improve, this bloody stinking disease is relentless. take care sandrax xx

[sheena]

Quick check in Steve is not well .had a terrible nose bleed ,needed to go to a&e they decided to keep him in for a few days ,but he decided to come home the next day.his right side is very shakey and this is making him frustrated ,he is sleeping a lot more and not really interested in anything.Just praying we get through Xmas .love to you all x

[Sueoliver]

Hi Sheena,

There are no words really! My Mum is very poorly as well so I understand. Just sending you some love and strength.

Sue xxx

[belgrade]

There are no words that can make this any easier, watching those you love fade away and not being able to do anything to stop it, is the hardest thing in the world. You will find the strength, believe me.

Thinking of you and your husband.

Hilary

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi Sheena,

Sorry to hear about Steve.

Did they say the cause of the nosebleed? Was his blood pressure ok? What is the shakiness on his right side? Was this there when he was in hospital? And if so, did they investigate it?

Is he speaking OK, eating ok?

Thinking of you as you face these challenges.

Jeni, Support Team.

[sandraW]

Hi Sheena,

Just sending a Christmas (((HUG))) and I hope Steve improves a bit for the holiday love sandrax xx

[sheena]

So happy we have got through Xmas ,Steve has been good over last few days .appetite has been good and he even managed to go all Xmas day without asleep hope you have all had a great Xmas xx

[sandraW]

Sheena,

That's great news, I hope it continues into the New Year, take care love sandrax xx