frustrated

[Didge]

I think rashes can be due to liver problems. Can you get hold of the fortisip shots which are very small and can be swallowed in one mouthful? Thinking of you xx (and don't think you are 'doing the opposite'. You are doing brilliantly in what is a nightmare! You can only do your best and you are doing that!)

[sandraW]

Sheena love, please don't be so hard on yourself, you are doing your best and its all you can do at a time like this, no one, not even the professionals are sure of what the right things are. You are doing an amazing job.

I agree with Didge and think rashes are probably caused by the problems with Steve's liver, and evidently jaundice does make the skin itchy too.

I hope that Steve gets a bed today, and that you can get some rest. sending love and a cyber ((hug)) sandrax xx

[sheena]

Yes yes yes hospice bed tomorrow I am so relieved it's like winning the lottery .now my precious Steve can be cared for and I can now be his wife again and enjoy the next hours days week's .my heart is bursting and a lump in my throat feels huge but I'm holding on .Ty so much my friends love you all x

[Proud Wife]

That's brilliant news Sheena. Keep on in there, I can't begin to imagine what it must be like in your shoes and hopefully I won't find out for a long long time but I think you are doing absolutely brilliantly.

Thinking of you xx

[boa]

Good news Sheena. You are right. You will be able to be a wife not a carer. And hospice staff do a magnificent job. Peaceful thoughts to you both.

[sheena]

Settled in well Dr said a very large tumour on liver and can't find the stent anywhere.Steve is happy and managed a bit of hot cross bun .He wants to see funeral directors next week so I'm going to find that hard,he also wants a shocking pink coffin as he loved his stade de France rugby shirts of bright colours.has chosen some good music which represents him so brave I actually feel alot better today a weight lifted off my shoulders .as Steve says don't be sad x

[boa]

So pleased Steve enjoyed a bit of food and has settled. Also I know it's such a weight taken from you and you can enjoy being together in the care of others. Are pink coffins available? Sounds as if Steve is content.

[kittycat]

Hi sheena, so glad Steve is settled at last. I know how difficult it is at the moment but you couldn't do more. Roger had a Ferrari coffin and he would have loved it if only he could have seen it, so if Steve wants pink I have no doubt that is possible. Take care and try to stay strong if you can.

Sue

[Didge]

so bitter sweet but glad Steve is happy and no doubt relieved if he has put funeral plans in place, even if it is hard for you to hear! Hope the Easter weekend goes as well as it can xx

[sandraW]

Sheena,

A bright pink coffin that is superb, we had a cardboard coffin with this way up stickers, do not drop and fragile tape, you can have exactly what Steve wants, I am sure it will be lovely, he is very brave, wanting to organise things himself and choosing his music.

I am glad to hear you are feeling a bit better too, I did feel a calmness come over me when Trevor went into the hospice, I hope its the same for you. Thinking of you all sandrax xx

[Guest]

Oh Sheena,

How brave of Steve. Such an amazing man, and such strength he has.

Sending much love to you both.

Leila xx

[Proud Wife]

Oh wow! totally agree bright pink everytime and Sandra, you gave me a rare laugh today with your description of Trevor's coffin. Love it!

Sheena, I have been following your story long before I started to post on here because Steve was diagnosed at pretty much the same time as my hubby. I have admired you from afar and marveled at how well you have been coping (even if at times you didn't think you were) and how I would feel in your shoes. Very very brave of Steve to say don't be sad, part of my grief is thinking about how they must be feeling knowing that this is one of the hardest cancers to fight.

Peaceful and caring thoughts to you both xxx

[shelda]

Sending so much love to you both what a strong amazing couple you sound. Such a hard thing to be going through and I expect like myself and my family not a position you'd ever have thought you'd be in let alone actually cope going through it all without a nervous breakdown. Take care xx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Hi Sheena,

Great to hear Steve is settled in the hospice, and that you are able to relax a little at least and not have to be the carer as well, which is so hard. Lovely to hear that he is modelling his coffin on his rugby passion - I remember you posting about him watching the rugby. And, its a lovely pink!

I hope that you have been able to spend some quality time with Steve, quiet time, happy time, being close to him, and being able to enjoy one another's company - making memories and reflecting on life together.

You are an amazingly brave person, and so dignified.

Kind regards,

Jeni.

Pancreatic cancer Nurse Specialist,

Support Team.

[sheena]

Well Steve is hanging on by a thread .eating nothing mobility poor but he came home for 2 hours yesterday I think for one more look around he is now almost bed ridden no strength left not really talking much just closes his eyes and hopefully dreaming nice things.Not sure how long we have left but it's probably days .funeral is planned and the pink coffin went out the door when I told him about the one you got Sandra,so that's it a packing crate ,wearing his blue overalls Guinness slippers man utd shirt and a baseball cap .So brave I just need to keep it together for a little while longer love to you all x

[Didge]

Oh Sheena these are such hard days for you but treasure every moment even if he is asleep. We are right behind you, sending you lots of love, Didge xx

[sandraW]

Sheena,

Steve is so brave to get everything organised, but instead of a funeral why not look on it as a celebration of Steve's life, as he will be there wearing his Guinness slippers and his Man Utd shirt.

I am so glad he liked our idea on the coffin, ours was lovely with rope handles so simple until we jazzed it up with all the stickers.

I hope Steve just drifts away, and as Didge says treasure every minute, sending a love and a hug sandrax xx

[Sueoliver]

Sheena I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. Having been in your shoes not so very long ago I know how you are feeling. Treasure every moment and keep telling him how much you love him.

Sending you a big hug.

Sue xxx

[sheena]

Thanks guys it has stickers Sandra and it is a celebration of his life .He is coming into the service with Scotland's rugby anthem flower of scotland on bagpipes ,and bette Midler song the rose .all the children have written about him and its beautiful .his best mate will give a few words as well and at the crematorium lianne rhimes song amazing grace .He has everything he has asked for as he is the best

[sandraW]

That's lovely,and you, please try and take care of yourself a little too sandrax xx

[Guest]

Oh Sheena,

I am sorry for what is happening, such horrible times. Steve sounds such a wonderfully brave man.

Leila xx

[PCUK Nurse Jeni]

Sheena,

Sorry for the hard times you are experiencing and Steve having his "last look around" as you say.

Flower of Scotland on bagpipes - there won't be a dry eye in the place, such a fitting tribute to Steve.

Take care Sheena,

Jeni,

PC Specialist Nurse.

[sheena]

My 3rd night at hospice Steve is now calmly sleeping no pain all under control just waiting for his time.Have said some beautiful things over last few days but last night he was in a party mood being very cheeky planning his b day for the 21st April.had a coffee with whisky in and that I am afraid is his last fling.Dr saying anytime Steve saying not yet.So blessed he is in a comfy bed sleeping like a baby a perfect way .my next message will be our last one of a married couple sending u all hugs and t y u r all amazing x

[Guest]

Sheena,

What a beautiful post. Steve sounds a truly wonderful amazing husband. Your love for each other is evident, a lovely couple. He will always be with Sheena.

Leila xx

[sandraW]

Sheena, you brave lady, as Leila say what a beautiful post, I'm glad you are feeling as you are, you are amazing, just glad we have been of help, sending love to you all sandrax xx