An anniversary I don't want

[Isa]

I can't believe a year has gone by. I'm just so sad and the world goes on and doesn't notice.

[Didge]

I often think that. On what is a normal day for most people, another person is going through hell, losing a loved one, facing a sad anniversary etc. I always try to mark anniversaries regarding the loss of my husband by doing something nice that day - date of death, our wedding anniversary and his birthday. It can be something simple like a special meal or a day out somewhere. And then I remember all the happy times we had together. That way those anniversaries become something celebratory rather than traumatic.

[Guest]

Nice words Didge.

My Dad only passed away 1 week today, but yes the world does still move on. I hate already. Even just normal TV routines, makes me want to scream " my world has fallen apart and you are acting like nothing has happened". Very very hard. I guess people can't appreciate how we are feeling, when they haven't been through what we have been through. We haven't just had someone we love pass away. We have fought the entire medical profession in keeping them alive as much as possible. Things like that stick in your mind.

Leila xxx

[jay]

Thinking of you. One of my friends told me grief is like stones in your stomach. Initially they are extremely rough and constantly rubbing together but after time they become slightly blunter with all the rubbing. They never go and are always there but the pain lessens a little. My husband died 7 months ago and there is not a minute goes by that I don't think of him.

love Jayne

x

[belgrade]

Hello Jayne,

It has been almost 20 months since my husband died and I too think of him every waking minute. I still find it hard to believe that I will never see him again and will never get over the loss, but it does get easier. Grief never goes away, but you do learn to create a new life alongside it, not the one you planned or hoped for, but you do have the choice to create a new life where sadly, our loved ones had their choice cruelly taken away.

Wishing all of us peace and strength,

Hilary

[janem]

I am sorry for you and I can understand how you feel. It is 15 months since my dad died of pc and 17 months since my mum died from the stress and worry, yet I still regularly come on and look how people are doing with their fight against this awful disease although I don't normally post like it is still a way to be close to them. I hope you are OK as at times it feels that that is the best you can hope for.

Reading this back it seems so inadequate but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone with these feelings

Nikki

xx

[Jess]

First Anniversary of my husband's death is just around the corner...Im dreading it too. I want to mark it in some way but nothing I can think of feels right .

[Support Team]

Hi Jess,

 

I'm so very sorry to hear the loss of your Husband.  I appreciate this will be a very difficult time for you as you approach one year without him.  Hopefully some people will respond to you shortly and pass on some suggestions.  I wonder if you might wish to consider being part of our 'light a candle in memory', here's a link to this that is happening on 1 Dec;  https://www.pancreaticcancer.org.uk/light-a-candle-in-memory-1st-december/

 

Sending kindest wishes to you,

Pancreatic Cancer Support Team

[broju]

Jess, I didn't write sooner as I have no suggestions and I suspect that is why others haven't responded.  I too felt I wanted to do something but as it was I had such an awful period for around 2 weeks before the anniversary that I felt to do anything would simply rub salt into my wounds!  Besides, the period around his death was the worst of times and I'd rather remember and mark something we did that gave us joy.  My heart goes out to you and so very many other victims of this dreadful disease.  Take great care of yourself.xxxx    

[Celeste]

Hi

 

i started the run of the second anniversaries, so here is what I found:

on the first birthday, I had my ears pierced. It gave me something to focus on. On the first death anniversary, my cat managed to die, not sure if it was to draw attention to himself but it was a distraction…The second birthday was bizarre: no one seemed to remember it, or at least no one mentioned it. It was upsetting.
However, the short and long of it is that the anticipation is worst than the day itself, and neither are going to be as bad as the day he died. I find as time goes on grief becomes more private, moments and significant dates that have meaning to you alone. What you do with those is up to you. 
Hopefully in my case I won’t have more pets hell bent on distracting me that way!