How do you cope?

[kittycat]

I just don't know what to do. Hubby starts chemo tomorrow but seems to be getting worse and I'm not sure they'll treat him as he is now. He's so tired and worn out, he goes to bed almost every day and has no energy at all. I'm trying to keep him eating and to keep his mind positive but, my goodness, it's so hard and then when I'm on my own I just go to pieces. I know it's absolutely awful for him and just seeing him like this is so painful! I don't know how I'm going to cope without him, he's my best friend, my life and there's nothing more I can do!!! I can't stop crying but don't want anti depressents - how does anyone else cope in this desperate situation. We are only a small family and they are really good, and lots of good friends but I don't want to burden them with all my problems, but I'm just at my wits end.

Sue

[Didge]

Hi sue. It is hard I know but try not to anticipate what will happen tomorrow. It must be especially hard for you if he appears to be so ill so soon after diagnosis but things can change quite quickly so he may improve soon. Don't be afraid to ask about anything you are worried about. Let us know how you get on and we are all here for you to offload x

[rsk1974]

Some days I thought that my dad was too ill for chemo, however he surprised me everytime, and it helped his mental attitude as this medicine was fighting the cancer for him. I can't even begin to understand what it feels like for a partner to have cancer, but everyone feels they can't cope, but they do,doesn't matter if you cry, my mum used to cry on the phone to me lots but in a way it kind of helps. Good luck tomorrow, xx

[jay]

Ah Sue, thinking of you both.

You will find the strength, even when you think there is nothing in the tank left, you will dig deep into the reserves to help protect and care for the man you love.

This forum is amazing as everyone knows what you are going through.

Hope all goes well with your husbands chemo tomorrow.

(I coped by never giving up hope, crying in the shower, the garage anywhere my husband couldn't hear.)

love Jayne

x

[Guest]

Hi Sue,

I know how hard all this is. I know the fear and dread you have inside. I know your heartbreak and your constant need to want to break down and cry. But you need to be so very strong for your husband. He needs to feed off your strength. You need to give him positivity to fight.

Could you tell us what chemo he will be having? Someone here will have knowledge of it and can offer you both advice.

What are his symptoms at present? Do he suffer with sickness or diarrhoea? We can help with symptoms and offer advice to help with those.

One crucial thing I have learnt, and it may not seem like big advice, but I promise you, you will benefit for it. Get yourself a little notebook and pen. Write everything down. Any questions you have, write them in it when they come to mind. When you see the oncologist, ask him the questions and make sure you get answers. Some oncologists won't be keen to provide all information. But if you want to know it, you can ask it. I believe in getting as much information as possible. It won't always be good what you hear, but you can move forward with the knowledge.

Please keep posting. If you have no one at home to let feelings out to, then come and write it all down here. We all understand, we've all been there.

Leila xx

[belgrade]

Hello Kittycat,

I am so sorry to hear about your husband and can only say that there are many on this forum who know exactly how you feel and will be here to support you. My husband went downhill very quickly and could not have chemotherapy, I know how hard it is to watch your loved one getting worse and being unable to stop it. You think that you will be unable to cope, but believe me, you just find the strength from somewhere.

Thinking of you,

Hilary

[RLF]

Hi kittycat,

Sorry you find yourself in here but congratulations on making the first steps forward by making a post. How do you cope? Well this might sound stupid but, you just cope. I'm not going to lie every time something goes a bit worse or even just a hint of that it still hits me hard, maybe even harder than the previous time, but somehow you manage to get out of bed the next day and carry on doing what you need to do. If you are lucky enough to have he support of family and friends then use it, don't be afraid to tell them to back off either if you are feeling a little smothered, or if you can't take one more person asking how you are doing (I banned that question pretty early on!). My family and friends now wait till I bring things up,as they know I then want to talk about it, that has helped me cope over the last 2.5years but I couldn't do without them. Don't be angry at yourself for falling apart when you are alone, that's the best time to do it. Get it all out, take a deep breath and try to remember that you really are not alone in feeling like that.

I hope the chemo went ahead and I hope he coped with it ok if it did, remember to post whenever you need an ear to listen to you.

Rob

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