Mum's diagnosis

[Didge]

Sue, I do feel for you as a couple of days before Rob died I was told that he should not get out of bed again to use the bathroom as he was too weak. As I had been successfully helping him to the bathroom (and nobody else) for some days I wasn't sure how they decided that but assume they get scared in case the patient falls. Rob didn't mind but if it is distressing your mum so much it's a shame they can't help her to continue! Perhaps with a hoist? No harm in asking x

[jay]

Sending you my love sue,

Jayne

xx

[Sueoliver]

Thanks Didge but unfortunately Mum found the hoist distressing yesterday and today I stayed with her while physio came in. There were 3 of them and they want to help her but all I can say is it was awful! She has no strength and really no movement. This has happened quite suddenly to get to this! She was not herself today at all. Sleeping, not eating much and not looking good! She is giving up I know she is! It is like it has all suddenly become a massive reality and she doesn't want to be here. So so so sad!

Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Sue x

[boa]

Sue, please don't feel that your Mum is giving up. My husband Stephen's experience is very similar. He seemed to decline very quickly. However, I think he, and I feel it might be the same for your Mum,carried on doing things for himself even though he was very weak and then there came a point where the weakness was too great to let him carry on looking after himself. Whilst these are such difficult times for you and your Mum I know that you admire her resilience in all you have written before. Catherine.

[Didge]

So difficult for you! I have often wondered whether people decide that they have had enough and in a way, think it is better if they themselves decide that the time is right. But just when I thought Rob had got to that point, a couple of days before he died he mentioned something he thought 'worth fighting for' so perhaps the acceptance that the end is near comes and goes? Thinking of you and your mum. She has been so amazing throughout! xx

[sandraW]

Sue,

So sorry to hear your Mum is declining, I felt the same that Trevor had given up, but I am sure now in my own mind that its just the progression of this horrendous disease. It just weakens and weakens them until they have no strength left to fight, as much as they may want to. Some like Trevor have a quick end, we knew Trevor's cancer was very aggressive, others seem to carry on for much longer, as their disease is slower, I just hope that Mum settles, I am sure she doesn't want to leave you all she has fought so hard to stay, so try not to think of it as her giving up, sending love to you all sandrax xx

[brodders]

Hi Sue, so sorry to hear your mum is very weak. Please don't see it as giving up. My mums cancer was also more aggressive and she only lived 11 weeks after diagnosis. She didn't give up - to me it was a demonstration of her strength when she died. She was at peace , very strong and dignified. She wasn't frightened. It saddens me when people think it's a weakness when people 'give in' - for me it shows the opposite - to me it shows strength. Hopefully your precious mum will live for many more weeks.

Lots and lots of love Xxxxx

[Guest]

Sue,

Please please please don't think your Mum is giving up, she really isn't. It is like saying, " are you giving up"? No your not, and neither is your Mum.

Like you have said, her mind is fully there, and it must be so frustrating that her body won't do what she wants it to. She must be tired and yes so very down. But she doesn't want to give up.

I agree with Brodders, she is strong, and is showing such strength.

My Dad never gave up, but he was so unhappy and frustrated with himself. I would tell him to stay sat down, but he would say he wasnt going to let it stop him giving me a hug, even though it took him ages, and caused him pain. He wasn't giving up, he was frustrated that his body wasn't the same anymore. Do you see what I'm saying Sue?

Love to you and your Mum.

Leila xx

[Sueoliver]

Thanks everyone you are all wonderful and so right! Just had an awful day yesterday! Went in this morning and the first thing she said to me was that she had got out of bed with the help of a wheelie contraption and she is determined to keep doing it as she is too young to go into a nursing home! Well that made me smile and proves you are all right in what you say!

Mum continues to amaze me and I love her so much.

Love to you all,

Sue xxx

[Guest]

Wow, this doesn't sound like a lady that is giving up.

Are you sure your Mum isn't secretly Superwoman?

Leila xxx

[allyc1]

She certainly isn't going down without a fight. She is truly remarkable. Hope you are finding some time for yourself too, I know all too well what it's like, you don't have time even to think straight.

Thinking of you

Alison x

[Guest]

How is your Mum Sue?

Leila xx

[Sueoliver]

This is one of the hardest things ever! Mum had a turn yesterday morning and I got called in to the hospice! Her sats dropped and she couldn't breathe again! They put her on oxygen and when I got there she had more colour! I spoke to the DR and she said they think the lung is full of fluid again and they mentioned pneumonia. Mum refused to go to hospital so it is oxygen and an oral antibiotic! I stayed till 10 p.m last night then came home as she was comfortable and peaceful! I haven't heard anything so heading back to the hospice soon.

The nurses had put my name forward for counselling and I spoke to a counsellor yesterday. I was a little wary, not sure why, but all I can say is she was wonderful and I'm seeing her again! I need to talk I realise that! I have lost my niece In 2014 my sister in law last October and my friend is in the same hospice as my mum as her cancer has gone to her brain! So much cancer everywhere!

I'm just about getting through this but I'm not sure what I will be like when the time comes and that's what scares me!

Sorry for the sadness and I am thinking of everyone on this cruel cancer journey.

Love Sue xxx

[allyc1]

Keep strong Sue, your mum knows your there for her and that's the main thing. I too saw a counsellor before my dad died, she was wonderful and it really helps to talk even though it's so painful to talk about. I cried all the time but she said I wasn't the only one, couldn't cry in front of my dad so had to let it out somewhere.

Thinking of you

Alison x

[Didge]

Sending lots of love x

[Guest]

Hi Sue,

Hope your Mum is more comfortable today. Hope you find out more about the pneumonia.

Will they not let you stay there with your Mum?

Leila xxx

[boa]

Sending you strength at this difficult time.

Catherine

[sandraW]

Sue,

You have had such a lot to cope with loosing your niece and sister in law, and worrying about your Mum and now your friend too its all just so scary.

Glad you spoke to a counsellor and hope it helps.

When the time comes I am sure you will cope, we all manage it somehow. love sandrax xx

[brodders]

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Sueoliver]

Thankyou everyone my lovely friend died this morning. We were at school together and our daughters are friends having grown up together! A sad day!

My Mum is very weak and sleeping most of the time. She didn't remember my daughter visiting her this afternoon. Her voice is weak and she is tiny! She did eat some scrambled egg while I was there. She wan't very responsive today and I think she was upset that my friend died! I had to tell her as she asks every day how she is and her Mum visited my Mum everyday.

I have been so fidgety and restless this evening I can't explain it! I'm truly worried now and dreading the next few days.

I don't want to stay at the hospice and I only live 5 minutes away.

Love to everyone,

Sue xxx

[ElsieG]

Sue,

i know how you feel, my darling John having passed 6 weeks ago. God Bless you both. Xx you have been such a wonderful support to your dear Mum. Xx

Linda G

[boa]

Sue, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It is also very draining emotionally caring for your Mother. My experience was that I found strength I didn't think I had. I'm sure you will be the same. Catherine

[sandraW]

Sue,

What a truly torrid time you are having I feel so much for you, loosing your friend on top of all you are going through and it must be so upsetting for your Mum too, what was it Julia used to say " keep on keeping on " its all you can do.

Its good that you are so near the hospice, you will get more rest at home I am sure, and you need that rest as yours had been a long journey. take care love sandrax xx

[Guest]

Sue,

I am sorry to read of the loss of your friend.

This must be very tough tor your Mum to hear. Hope your Mum continues to be comfortable.

Leila xx

[Didge]

So sorry to hear about your friend. I do feel for you as a very close friend was diagnosed with cancer a few days after Rob died and he himself died before Rob's funeral! Sometimes you just have to live through the nightmare! So glad you are close to the hospice so you can go home. If you want, you can request that the staff advise you when they think you should stay the night. Often the do anyway. Xx