my heart is broken my dad has gone x

[brodders]

Certainly didn't upset me honey - I hope I haven't upset you by being too honest. I didn't write anything in this forum until after my mum died. I have found it a massive help realising I am not the only one going through it. Lots of love Cate xxx

[Dcoleman]

No not at all.you do feel like you are the only the going through it til you go on this forum. So glad I found this site. X

[Dcoleman]

So today is the start of pancreatic cancer awareness month and the irony is right there. My heart was broken today when at 1pm my dear lovely pops fell asleep. It was the most peaceful time and we were all with him right to the end. We cared for him at home which was the toughest thing I have ever had to but it was his wishes not to go in a hospice and we wanted to fulfill his wishes and I hope we did him proud. Love you forever dad X x

[brodders]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[rsk1974]

Big hugs to you, I'm glad you where there and it was peaceful.

[sandraW]

Sending cyber (((hugs))) sincere condolences to you and all the family. I am sure you did "do him proud" and its lovely that he could end his life at home, with you all around him, take care love sandrax

[wackywacky]

So sorry x

[Bowie]

I'm so sorry your dad has gone. You and your family must have been so strong to support him at home, I'm sure it wasn't easy and you made the end as nice and peaceful as possible for him. Thinking of you and your family. Fiona X

[jules 2015]

Thinking about you, I lost my Dad to pc on 1st Nov 2013. sending you strength for the days and weeks ahead, take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. Try to take some comfort that you were with your dad at the end and that he was with you all

Jules x

[Sueoliver]

So sorry there are no words. Stay strong. Sue xxx

[jay]

I am so sorry,

love Jayne

x

[Didge]

Sorry to hear the news but glad that it was peaceful. Will be thinking of you in the times ahead. x

[Slewis7313]

Really sorry to hear of your sad loss. You obviously carried out your Dad's wishes right until the end. Thinking about you and your family at this difficult time. Please take care.

Steve

X

Edited November 2, 2014 by Slewis7313

[Dcoleman]

Thank you to everyone that has read my up dates. It has been a massive help to read your supportive messages especially as we are all strangers brought together by this terrible illness. dad's decline started yesterday morning. He hadn't eaten for over a month and hadn't drunk for 3 days. By the morning he was unconscious and had Involuntary breathing which was really fast. I called my sister and we sat with him from 6am. The nurses came in to change the morphine driver at 12.30. By then his wrists were cold. The nurse said he hadn't got long. She said they would return to take the driver out. Mum offered her a cup of tea as his breathing became really quiet and shallow. Then very very slowly with no noise or trauma at all and with us all around him holding his hands and talking to him he just drifted off. The nurse stayed with us as he passed away and it was beautiful that there absolutely no pain. The only pain we had was that we waited 5 hours for a doctor to come before we could call the under takers. But we all had time to say our good byes. The most devastating thing was when they came to take him away and then that left an empty bed. We are still in a routine of checking for him and I'm sure it will be a few days before it sinks in that he is gone from us X X

[janem]

I'm so sorry for you, even when you feel you are prepared it is still hard to take in. It's been 8 months since I lost my Dad to this disease and 10 months since I lost my mum because of the stress of my dad's pc. Yet still I think I'll just phone them or pop in then realise.

It seems so inadequate what I have said but I didn't want to r&r. ((hugs))

[SusannaUK]

I am so sorry to hear the sad news but I am glad that you were there and it was peaceful.

Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.

Take care,

Susanna x

[brodders]

How are you? I have been thinking of you XXX

[Dcoleman]

Sorry I stayed away for a few days. Didn't know what to say. It's been a week now and it's seemed a long week. It's been quite tough when the little things happen they remind me of dad. I'm trying to stay strong for mum more than anything. It was awful when we had a phone call for them to arrange for carers to come in I actually couldn't believe they rang! And they also came to collect the hospital bed as well which was really tough but if needed to be done to help us through it. But we are getting there and the support has been such a great help x

[brodders]

Yes funny about the bed isn't it, my mum died on a Thursday and the bed wasn't collected until the following Tuesday.The battery was running low and it had a terrible bleeping noise - my dad and I couldn't turn it off - really didn't help our mood!! Good luck for the funeral - my mum's was surprisingly ok!! Take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Janiebobs]

Thinking about you at this very sad time x

[Guest]

I am so incredibly sorry for you. Reading this has saddened me and reminded me how precious my own dad is to me. I believe your dad would be so proud of you. You stayed with him and stayed strong. I am sure he knew just how much you adore him, as it is so easy to see. Can't imagine the pain you are going through, I really hope you have someone that can comfort you in these absolute terrible times. Thinking of you so much.

Leila xx

[Dcoleman]

It's been a while since I have been on here. It's so difficult to read what others are going through when I know exactly how they are feeling. We had dad's funeral which was beautiful and so many people came to say good bye. I managed to say some words about dad and I was so proud I got through it all. My 2 sons who are 15 and 17 along with my partner and one other carried their granddad on his final journey and I was immensely proud that they did it. Time is a healer but it is the little things around the house that spark off the tears and the memories. Christmas is going to be tough this year as it is all still very raw. But we will try to enjoy it as I know dad loved Christmas and would want us too. X

[LMD]

So sorry for your loss.

I know how you feel when you say it's the little things which spark off the tears...(my Dad passed away at the end of October). Im missing him so much. It so hard to come to terms with hm not being here.

Sending you love and strength xxx

[Dcoleman]

So, I haven't been back to this site since Dec. It's not that I don't care about all the other people on here but I guess I have tried to resume some sort of normality to my life...except that it doesn't seem to happen like you think it would. Mum and I still have tears especially when we hear a song or something sparks off memories of Dad.we have made a beautiful little memorial garden for him. We have bought a wishing well and then we laid him to rest in the garden that he absolutely loved. It looks so pretty and when we are in the garden we have a chat with him and we know that he is so close to us all. This Thursday would have been his 80th birthday and the lovely thing is we had is party last year in the garden so we will hopefully have a BBQ if the weather holds and raise another glass to him. Time is slowly healing but the pain is still deep routed. For those of you that read my story I hope it helps to know that not everyone suffers at the end of their days with pancreatic cancer. My Dad was so peaceful. My best friend is a carer and she has just done a course and she uses my Dads story of how he passed away so peacefully to help her careers as she was there with us at the end. Stay strong everyone x