my heart is broken my dad has gone x

[rsk1974]

My thoughts are with you,so horrible, and so exhausting for all. Big hugs.xx

[sandraW]

Thinking of you all take care sandrax

[Dcoleman]

The nurses are now coming in once a day to see dad...though today he seems to have rallied a little bit and not slept as much as normal. I think tomorrow they will start with the intravenous medicine. We are counting each day he is with us a blessing and enjoying chatting and reminiscing with him before it is unfortunately too late x

[Guest]

There is so much heartache. You probably don't see it, or feel it right now but you are being very brave. You somehow have the strength to get through each day. You are giving your dad your all, and it will mean the world to him. You are probably giving him the strength to make another day.

Thinking of you and your family.

Leila xx

[Dcoleman]

Well its all very strange ...dad seems quite perky after having a couple if days of not really being awake. He was so sleepy it was difficult to get him to take his morphine but the last 2 days he is much more awake. Still gets a little bit confused and hasn't eaten now since Thurs before last but is managing fluids ok. The nurses have been coming in once a day and I'm grateful for the fact that mum and I are getting more sleep now as well. I am fully aware that this will not last but while he has a bit of a laugh and banter with us its like I have my old daddy back which I love and will cherish these memories for sure x

[sandraW]

Its good that you are getting quality time with your Dad, thinking of you and the family, and glad you are getting the support you need at this difficult time, take care sandrax

[Dcoleman]

So the next update is that dad now hasn't eaten anything for 3 weeks. He is still taking in fluids. His pain is increasing but the morphine is controlling it and they have now put this line in his arm so they can give a morphine top up as he is still having morphine orally at the moment. His speech is now quite slurred and he is getting a little confused now as well. I'm not sure about any one else and it's so hard to describe but there is a strange smell. It's like an ill smell and it's one that I can smell even when I'm not in the room. It just stays with me and it's horrible. He is so thin now and that up sets me more than anything. I can't bear to see him lingering on day by day as he is just waiting to fall asleep forever. His breathing is different like his chest is heavy. He never moans about anything and is as dignified as ever. We are still caring for him at home and however hard it is, it is what he wanted and we must continue to care for him the best we can x

[sandraW]

So sorry that you and your poor Dad are going through this terrible time, thinking of you, keep strong, sandrax

[brodders]

Hello - I know exactly what you mean about the smell. My poor mum smelt very unusual. I am thinking of you please stay strong if you can . My birthday today - first time in 49 years that I haven't spoken to my precious mum - it's her birthday on Friday 6 months ago to the day she passed away. It won't seem like it now but in the future you will take comfort in the fact you have this time to love and care for him, take care and sending you lots of love Cate xxx

[Dcoleman]

Birthday wishes cate. Must be so hard the first year of your mum not being with you for each of the special things that happen through out the year. Trying to stay strong but I have days when the tears flow then others when I am quite ok about everything. It is hard but we are a close family and for that I am grateful for my parents bringing us up that way.raise a glass to your precious mum when ever you can x

[brodders]

It's a very surreal time. You will get an inner strength from somewhere - call it Mother Nature - it's weird!! Sending you lots of love and give your dad lots of cuddles. I kept telling my mum I loved her - I take comfort now in that I could say that. Loads of love Xxxx

[SusannaUK]

I am so sorry to read that you and your Dad are going through this hard time.

I know this smell too. I had this smell in my nose when my Grandmother was ill with pancreatic cancer and the smell stayed in my nose even when I was not with her. I called it ill smell too.

I am thinking of you in these hard times, keep strong!

Susanna x

[Sueoliver]

I find these threads so hard to read because of my mum. It is such an awful time. Stay strong if you can and cherish every moment with your Dad. Sue x

[Dcoleman]

Thank you to everyone that takes time to read my updates. I just want to share what is happening in my life to let other people know that what they are going through is what I am also going through. I don't feel alone any more as others seem to concur with the thoughts I have and the feelings and emotions I am going through. Dad has been asleep all day today. He has had one small drink but he said he just wanted to sleep. I managed to get 2 mins with him to ask him how he was and to tell him that I loved him. He always tells me he loves me too which is lovely but also breaks my heart as soon there will be a day when my beloved pops won't be able to say it...but I know how he feels x

[Dcoleman]

Remarkably pops is still with us! He now hasn't eaten for 3 weeks and 4 days and fluid has been minimal....not even a cup per day. He is terribly thin and has slept virtually continuously for 5 days now. Last nite was extremely emotional. I gave him a cuddle and put my head next to his and he put his arm around me and rubbed my back like when I was a child. Like he knew he was leaving me but just not sure when. He speaks very little now so his actions meant the absolute world and I didn't want to move to ruin the moment we both shared for that briefest of moments he was my beloved daddy. Every morning brings that dread that he has left us over nite and we count each day as a blessing. X

[sandraW]

Sending you ((hugs)) sandrax

[brodders]

Thinking of you Xxx

[Bowie]

Thinking of you and your dad and happy that you are managing to share special little moments, despite this most wicked of diseases. Fiona X

[Dcoleman]

Dad is much the same still. 4 weeks now since he had any food. Still extremely sleepy and is quite confused. His speech is very poor but he still knows exactly what he wants. Heart breaking just watching and waiting now. Sounds heartless but I hope it's not too long. We have said all we need to say to him. We always tell him we love him and I also told him that I will look after mum and it's ok if he wants to go. As hard as that sounds I'm sure if anyone else were in this position they would not want to prolong things either. His breathing is slow now and he breathes with his mouth open which is fine but when it all goes quiet it's eerie and we check that he is still with us. X

[brodders]

I know exactly how you are feeling. My mum's illness did not go on for so long, but her last day was painful to watch. Take care and lots of love Xx

[Dcoleman]

The nurse came in this morning and they are coming back later to put a morphine driver in so that dad can have medication put in automatically. Is this the last stage for him now? Can any one help me with any advice at all?

[Birchen]

Hello this is what happened to my husband when he was in the hospice. I think they do it so that they feel more comfortable but he only stayed in bed for the very last day. I do hope that he is peaceful and thinking of you at this very sad time. Take care x

[Dcoleman]

Thank you ..We are caring for dad at home so it's very tough. Dad has been in bed for about 6 weeks now. He has been quite uncomfortable today and can't seem to sleep peacefully hopefully this driver should help him x

[brodders]

My precious precious mums syringe driver was put in hours before she very peacefully passed away. Crying now - please take care. Stay strong and believe me when I say I whatever happens next is for the best. My mum LOVED her life and in the end she didn't have a great one . Take care xxxx

[Dcoleman]

I didn't mean to upset anyone I'm so sorry. It's just so hard knowing what happens next and the support on here has been so lovely and has helped me massively. We are going to have a night sitter come in soon as I think it's not much longer now. Thank you to everyone. Xx Big hugs to you all X X