I am lost

[Anila]

I miss my dad. I want to see him for the last time but I know I can't. Finally managed to say something. I have reading posts and information for some time now but didn't have the courage to write anything. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October last year and it has also spread to his liver. Now he cannot eat much and his face is swollen a lot. Why is that? I live in UK with my family but my parents are in Albania. Health care or palliative care is almost non existent there. Patients are just left on their own. I found out that Sue Ryder had an office in Albania and approached them. They have helped but I still feel I should have done more. I have back to Albania been about 5 times to see my parents since I learned about my dad being unwell, but sometimes juggling full time work and a young family it's difficult to fly out more often. My husband, who is English, has been very supportive and looked after the kids whilst I have gone to visit my dad. I am upset as I don't know how else I can help and because I miss him, a lot and won't have tge chance to see him again. Sorry I am rumbling but I feel lost.

[Guest]

Welcome to the forum Anita

Sorry you are here. I cannot imagine how hard the distance between you and your dad must feel, it must be very hard for you both. Has he been given a prognosis? Can or has he had chemo? I do not know the answer to your question, as I haven't experienced this. Hopefully someone can answer this for you.

x

[Anila]

Thank you. He hasn't been told the truth by the doctors. They tend not to tell patients in Albania though he has read all the test results and knows what's wrong but not the detail of it. I just wished he could talk about it. My husband sent the test results my dad had, as well as the MRI scan results to a consultant to UK who confirmed it but that's all I know. He cannot have chemo. The main reason is because it's spread to his liver and he is too weak to go through it. All he can have is painkillers. He is also taking insuline because his blood sugar is high. Recently he is too weak and has started sleeping a lot. If he is feeling really poorly he cannot even talk to us on Skype. That's very upsetting. I just feel he is being left to it. All of this is affecting my mum too as she is his main carer.

[EmmaR]

Dear Anila,

You do sound lost and it is such a sad sad story but all to familiar that sometimes after diagnose not a lot can be done but don't give up hope and stay strong go and see your dad whenever you can and be glad you have such a caring husband .

Sending hugs to you and your Mum

Emma x x

[Bookgirl2]

Dear Anila

I just wanted to say hello and to say how very sorry I am to hear your story. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be so far away from your dad when he is so ill. You really should give yourself credit for what you have done. To be able to organise some help via Sue Ryder in Albania is a really great thing. It's not always easy to get through to the right people and access help, even when you are much closer geographically - I know this from bitter experience so to do it for so far away is a real achievement. I'm sure both your parents are really grateful and must really appreciate your visits. To have been able to get over there five times since October is quite an achievement when you have a family to care for over here as well. It sounds like you have a lovely, caring and supportive husband and I am sure he will help you though this terrible time as best he can. Having your children to focus on will help as well I hope. It sounds like you don't think you can get out to Albania again. Is there a particular reason why this isn't possible? I know how worried you must be about both your mum and dad. Will be thinking of you. Best, Susan xx

[Anila]

Thank you so much for your messages. They mean a lot at such difficult times. My dad is not well, he isn't eating just taking his medication, he is weak, has low blood pressure, haemorage, is vomiting. Mum has been around different hospitals and clinics to get various test results for him. She has seen various doctors all advising different things. He is on medication for his thyroids, heart, insulin for diabetes and his cancer treatment. Mum feels down and tired. Our only hope is the advice of Sue Ryder. So upset at the moment. Cannot go to see my dad as I only have 6 days leave left till September, my kids are too young 3 and 6 years old and tickets are very expensive. I rather use the funds to pay for my dad's treatment. Mum is struggling on her own. Dad needs daily medical care and they both need emotional support. I don't know what to do.