Having a bad week...aren't we all?!

[emsicals]

Hi,

I have been a 'silent' member for a few months now. Just reading everyone's messages and seeing how lovely people are in such awful situations.

I haven't posted until now as it is not my direct relative that has been diagnosed, but my boyfriends mum.

We have bit of a unique (or maybe not) situation in that my boyfriend is French. We were both living in the UK for the last 2 years (have been in a relationship for over 5)but in October 2013 his mum was diagnosed with PC. Straight away they gave her 4 months. She is still with us and fighting hard so that is fabulous.

However, it has meant that Nick has had to leave, understandably, and go live back in France to help his dad care for her. His brother unfortunately is not the most co-operative, even though he still lives in the family home with their mum and dad (but lets not get started on that!)

She is on her 3rd lot of chemo, I am not quite sure what...sometimes things get confused in language translations, as excellent as Nick's English is! His mum is doing ok, confined to bed 100% of the time these days, but still quite spirited on most days. A good appetite, which I like to think is a good thing.

She goes back in 6 weeks for another scan to see if anything has changed. Last time the lump in her Pancreas had shrunk a couple of mm's, but unfortunately her Liver is riddled.

I don't know how long they will predict her to have, although I know this is only a guestimate at best.

Nick has obviously had to quit his job here in England. Unfortunately they were less than accommodating to the situation. So money for both of us is tight to say the least. He has been unable to find work and the French government don't pay benefits/support to someone who "chose" to leave employment.

I worry that he is taking on all responsibilities, I am sure as a way of not looking to the end destination, but still a lot to take on and hard to provide support from another country.

Most weeks/days I do ok and as awful as it sounds try to carry on as normal. People ask how things are but beyond the general "yeah, all is ok" I see people switch off and not want/care to know more.

This week, for some reason, I have personally been struggling. I have only been able to get to France, due to work, once for 4 days since Nick left in November and I don't know when I will get back again. This week it has all got a little much and this morning I just needed to vent. So sorry if this is a little long and rambling but just writing things down and having a good cry over the keyboard has helped...I think!

Thank you and I wish you all the best for you and your loved ones.

x

[Didge]

hello Ems, and welcome to the club none of us wanted to join! I hear you with the distance probs. My bf is divorced with young children and we don't live together. He was self-employed so finances are now a nightmare with no work since he shortly before his diagnosis. Weeks go by without seeing him and often the only time I see him is when he comes to London for treatment and I so want to be there to support him! It is easy to forget that on top of coping with this awful disease, so many other factors have to be borne as well. I hope you manage to get some other regular contact with your bf in this day of technology, Skype perhaps, or something similar. Not that is any substitute for loving arms. Let us know how you go on.

x

[Guest]

Hi,

Second what Didge says, sorry you are here, but pleased you have found us. Post here anytime you like, I find it helps to type it all out. One way or another, we all have been through it.

x

[Cathy]

Hi there

Welcome to the forum. You have already seen what a warm place it is and the nurses are also brilliantly supportive if you haven't used them yet.

I can see that there is a lot you are having to contend with and the frustrations of being so far away from Nick, the issues with his brother not helping so much as well as financial difficulties are all unwanted added extras.

Just know that we are here for you whenever you need to vent.

Cathy xx

[nikkis]

Just to say hello and welcome to the forum. This is so hard to deal with, without the added pressure of loved ones being split over 2 countries. Really hope things get better for you all soon,

Nikki

[PCUK Nurse Dianne]

Hi Emsicals,

Thanks for joining this great forum and I am sure you have already discovered how wonderfully supportive this forum family is. I am sorry to hear things are quite difficult for you at present. I am sure you will have lots of love and comfort from this forum family, and I wanted to say Hi from Jeni and I. We are the 2 nurse who run the support line, so please feel free to be in contact if we can support, listen or help in any way at all. Our phone line (02035357099) is open MOnday to Friday 10-4pm and you can email us on our support line (support@pancreaticcancer.org.uk) at any time.

Regards,

Dianne

Pancreatic Cancer Specialst Nurse

Support Team