How to be a carer?

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Edited March 5, 2014 by Anonymous

[Slewis7313]

Leila, my understanding is that this is the sort of thing Macmillan can advise and help with. If you are near Maggies, they also have advisors. Others on the forum may also have experience in this area.

Good luck,

Steve

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Edited March 5, 2014 by Anonymous

[Slewis7313]

Leila, the link below will take you to the Maggies website. The are a charity supporting everyone who has been touched by cancer, whether family, friends patient or whatever. We are lucky enough to have a Maggies Centre in Swansea and they have been a massive face-to-face support for my Wife and Daughters. I certainly hope there is one near you as I cannot praise them enough for what they have done for us. What they do complements what I experience here on PCUK, so I hope you are able to use them. We all simply drop in as and when we feel the need for support or a cup of tea!

https://www.maggiescentres.org

Good luck again!

Steve

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Edited March 5, 2014 by Anonymous

[nikkis]

Hi Leila,

You must feel that you are in an impossible position, especially as no one can tell you what the future may bring. I think you need to get as much information as you can, and then take time to consider your options, your Dad may be illegible for certain benefits such as Personal Independence Payment (PIP)and you may be able to get carers allowance. However from what you have already said of your Dad, you would probably be better getting an expert involved to guide him through it, rather than tackling it yourself. If there isn't a Maggie's nearby if you ring MacMillan the will be able to give you some advice over the phone and should be able to put you in touch with someone locally-

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Ifsomeoneelsehascancer/Workingwhilecaringforsomeone/makingdecisionsaboutwork.aspx

I know you love you Dad very much, and it is natural that you want to be there for him, but don't make any decisions before you really know what your position is. There is not only the financial considerations, but it can also be very isolating caring for someone full-time. I even find this caring for my husband, in our own home, with friends around.

Take care Leila,

Nikki

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Edited March 5, 2014 by Anonymous

[nikkis]

Leila,

How you are feeling is so natural, you haven't got anything to be sorry for, and I am sure even if you boyfriend is upset, he does understands. Sometimes this is a almost a physical pain, and the only way to get rid of it is to shout and scream. I do always find though if I have a really horrible day, when I feel like I can't take anymore, the next day is never as bad. A counsellor told me that after a terrible day, when you hit rock bottom, your body and mind will always fight back to make the next day a little more bearable. So perhaps you could plan something nice for you and your boyfriend to do tomorrow, even if it is just go out for a walk?

Nikki

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Edited March 5, 2014 by Anonymous

[nikkis]

Leila, glad that you feel calmer. It might be worth finding out what services there are local to you, as talking to a third person may help. Your local hospice, MacMillan or GP will have people you can see. It doesn't help everyone, but talking to someone not involved may make things clearer for you.

Don't forget you are still coping with the shock of it all.

Nikki