Losing Mum.

[Urban Tangleweed]

Hello all.

My Mum was diagnosed with advanced Pancreatic Cancer last weekend, and as far as we currently are aware, it is likely advanced and inoperable. She may only have a few weeks left.

We are so desperately out of our depth with this, and the learning curve is so dreadfully steep, but we are coping, just. We have no option.

She will soon be released from hospital and will go into a care home for what time she has left, I understand we will get details of where she can go, we then will visit them all and make a decision on which one she will go to.

If anyone can offer guidance or advice as to how we choose the best one for her, it would be gratefully appreciated, as would any words of wisdom or advice that you feel may help us.

[J_T]

Hi and welcome. Sorry to hear of your mums diagnosis.

I assume by 'care home' you mean hospice? I have no experience of hospice care as we looked after Ray at home but there are others who I'm sure will come along with more information.

Best wishes

Julia x

[nikkis]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum, and so sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis. If you can get your mum into a hospice do, ours is fantastic, and a lovely place to be. The only experience I have of care homes is working in them, in my youth, and I am sure it is still the case still that they vary greatly. I would find out what they do if your mum painkillers aren't working, what arrangements would they have for a doctor to see her? I would also want to know if they have trained nurses on duty, who can make decisions if your mum's needs change. Other than that I would try and talk to as many people as you can as you look round, staff ,patients, relatives. In this day and age I bet if you goggle places you can find reviews online too!

Hope it all goes well,

Nikki

[Urban Tangleweed]

Well,

We spent all weekend looking at care homes who could provide the palliative and end of life care we need for my Mum, and although I was generally dismayed at most of them, we found one which is wonderful and where I'm sure Mum will feel she was priveliged to be able to spend her last few weeks in.

These next few weeks we are facing with great angst and trepidation, but we are heartened that the care Mum will receive is going to be the best we could possibly get for her.

What more than that can a loving Son hope to provide his wonderful Mum in her greatest hour of need?

[nikkis]

So pleased you have found somewhere you are happy with, best wishes to you and your family for the coming weeks,

Nikki

[Cathy]

Hi

That us great news. My Jonathan spent his last few days in a hospice who were fantastic with him. The level of care was soooo much better than he would have had in hospital or at home.

When you feel you want to, let us now how you get on.

Cathy xxx

[PCUK Nurse Dianne]

HI Urban Tangleweed,

I am sorry to hear of your mother's recent diagnosis and also the difficult time ahead of you. I am unsure if you have previously contacted the support line, however Jeni and I are here if you do feel up to either a chat or email. We can hopefully help answer any questions you may have or any other advice that may be helpful. Please do feel free to be in contact.

We certainly know that the 'Hospice system' can provide great care in a very peaceful environment. Also if you did feel that you wished to have your mother at home for some of this time, the hospice team may also be able to assist you in facilitating this.

Kind regards

Dianne

Support Team

[Urban Tangleweed]

Mum lost her battle last Saturday and is now at peace.

The staff in the home were marvellous and cared for her far better than we could have hoped over her last few weeks of life.

It is left to us who remain to now pick up the pieces and continue on with whatever life is going to be without her.

I find it hard to believe the speed of her decline in the last week, and even more so that she survived little more than four weeks after diagnosis. Her decline in the last week was dramatic, and as much as I will miss her, at least she suffers no more.

[Guest]

I'm so so sorry. Have no words that can help your grief, but I am thinking of you at this devastating time. If you feel up to it, please keep posting.

xx

[MSH]

It's nice to hear that your Mum received such good care in her final few weeks.

My condolences.

Mark

[Cathy]

Hi

I am so sorry to hear of your Mum passing away and so quickly from diagnosis, not time at all to get your head around what is happening (mind, I had 13 months and still didn't!).

So please she passed away in a place she was well cared for. My Jonathan also declined very steeply in health in his last week. It was truly shocking but I also think will be a comfort in future knowing he wasn't lingering and knowing how poorly he was.

Lots of virtual hugs

Cathy xxx

[Dollysdaughter]

So sorry for your loss, I would imagine you are feeling rather stunned by it all. It's so good you found what sounds like exactly the right place for your mum though.

Warmest wishes to you at this sad and difficult time,

Sara x

[J_T]

My sincere condolences for the loss of your beloved mum.

Julia x

[PCUK Nurse Dianne]

Dear 'UrbanTangleweed',

I am sorry to hear of your mother's passing. Please accept our sincere sympathies from all of the staff at PCUK. I do hope your mother was comfortable and peaceful in her last days and that your family were able to be with her at this time.

If we can help in any way please do feel free to be in contact.

With our sincere condolences,

Dianne & Jeni,

Pancreatic Cancer Specialist Nurses,

Support Team

[belgrade]

So sorry to hear about your Mum but glad to know that she was well looked after in her final days.

Take care,

Hilary x