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laura
Posts: 385
Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:53 pm

wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby laura » Mon Jan 07, 2013 10:34 pm

oh how i know what heartache so many of you are going through, so, sorry for encroaching on other posts.
today i had a fone call from my eldest sons wife[ not heard from them for 14 years]
well, my second son, a twin, hung himself last night, left notes etc, so well planned, we had been estrangesd because of his temper, behaviour, etc, he was 50, how can someone plan this and go through with it? so many people would do anything to live!
i dont know how i feel, whats wrong with me? i havent cried over wendy, and now this, again no tears, im sad he died alone, and so unhappy. now what, i cant really think straight, my daughter, his twin, who lives in cornwall, was hysterical when bri and i went over, still no tears from me, worries me, sorry to take up post spaces,but so feel your my friends/
thinking of you all, yorkypaul, so much in my thoughtsx love and goodnight laura xx

Sammy-Lou
Posts: 56
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2012 3:02 pm

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby Sammy-Lou » Mon Jan 07, 2013 10:46 pm

Laura, I'm glad I have found you still online!
What terrible news.. I don't think it matters if you haven't spoken in years, he was still part of you and nothing would change that.
No emotion is probably completely normal, shock I imagine as it is news out of the blue.
He sound like he was a troubled man and I hope he is at rest now.

I used to be a samaritan so please do talk to me if you need to as I have a lot of experience with similar situations..

Please don't second guess how you are feeling, no-one can tell you how to feel or not feel..
Sending lots of love and hugs xxx

laura
Posts: 385
Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:53 pm

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby laura » Mon Jan 07, 2013 10:51 pm

thanks so much sammy, i will really bear that in mind, thanks love to you laura xx

yorkypaul
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:23 am

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby yorkypaul » Mon Jan 07, 2013 11:21 pm

Dear Laura, you have been so supportive to everyone here. I am so sorry that you are having more pain. I am at a loss to understand how things can turn out like this. Please stay strong. I hope there are loving people around you. Huge hugs from me,
Paul xx

louiepc
Posts: 238
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2011 10:38 pm

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby louiepc » Mon Jan 07, 2013 11:40 pm

Oh Laura, I am so very sorry for the loss of your son.

I would say you are in deep shock, tears will come eventually, but not being in contact with your son for so long and the shocking way that he's gone is going to leave you reeling. It is so very hard to understand what has gone through someone's head for them to take their own life, when as we all know that is something we crave for our loved ones.

I lost a friend a long time ago to suicide, the emotions that you feel, shock, anger, guilt are more ferocious than when someone dies naturally.

The other major reason why you haven't cried over yr friend and now son is that possibly you know the tears will come one day for bri, and yr body is holding things together for whenever that may happen.

Don't feel guilty about crying or not, grief takes a different course with everyone and at a different pace. Much love to you and all your family at this sad time.

Louie xxx

charney
Posts: 74
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:29 pm

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby charney » Tue Jan 08, 2013 9:23 am

Laura I am so sorry to hear about your son, your emotions must be all over the place
at the moment, my thoughts are with, love and best wishes
cheryl xxx

susikus
Posts: 188
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2012 11:01 am

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby susikus » Tue Jan 08, 2013 12:29 pm

Oh Laura, I am so, so sorry to hear about your son. What a shock for you and your family. Please look after yourself, you are very precious to all of us, your forum family. One step at a time. I am thinking of you and Bri and I hope the coming days and weeks are bearable. You will cope because you are very strong. Lots of love to you both, Sue, xxx

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby DRAD3 » Tue Jan 08, 2013 6:35 pm

Hi Laura
So very sorry to hear about your son. You must be quite overwhelmed with everything and not surprisingly feeling quite numb. You have had such a lot to contend with over the last couple of years and it is understandable that you don't know how to feel - you probably don't know where to begin! How can we make sense of these things? Thinking of you and hoping that you are able to continue as you always have - I hope you know how well you of thought of by us all and that we have you in our collective hug.
With love
Deb
x

PCUK Nurse Jeni
Posts: 1070
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Wed Jan 09, 2013 2:31 pm

Dear Laura,

I am so very sorry to hear about the news of your son's death and yet another blow to you.

Please accept condolences from all at PCUK. I am pleased that you have been able to come on the forums, to those who consider you as a real friend, and share some of the impact of this. As others have said, there is no prescriptive way of feeling, and no doubt, you will process things in time, when you are ready to.

Do take care, and once again, huge thanks for all you do on the forums.

Jeni.

ali
Posts: 90
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2011 9:22 am

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby ali » Wed Jan 09, 2013 10:36 pm

Hi
Laura
Hugs and kisses
Take Care
Helen
Xx

Catherine
Posts: 88
Joined: Sat Nov 24, 2012 11:31 pm

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby Catherine » Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:12 pm

Oh Laura, what sad news. Please don't feel guilty for having no tears, sometimes they don't come easily even when we think they should. Thinking of you and yours Catherine xxx

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby DRAD3 » Thu Jan 10, 2013 7:52 pm

Hi Laura - how are you lovely lady? Just wanted to apologise for volunteering you to post on another thread - I see you did (you are wonderful) but I shouldn't have said you would. After I posted I told myself off - you have enough on your plate - apologies again. I do hope you are coping OK - you know where we are if you need to talk.
Sending lots of love
Deb
x

laura
Posts: 385
Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:53 pm

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby laura » Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:38 am

hi deb, absolutely no problem, if i can help a little bit, thats great, so please no apologies and no worries, honest,
been a difficult few days [ no surprise there]. i have been in a huge dilemma, regarding my sons funeral, should i go or should i stay, well tonight i had a fone call from my other sons wife, who seem to be the go between, poor girl not fair on her, it appears that dean's wife does not want me to be at the funeral, because of our estrangement, i can understand how distraught she must be feeling, this made me question why i wanted to go, after much soul searching, i couldnt convince myself, that going would be the right thing for me or brian.
for the first time in 14 years brian felt relief at the news of his death, as we always felt he would appear at our home and carry out his threat to harm us, i didnt think he would, but knew he could, so based on that, i decided i would get nothing from going, so am staying where im happy, at brians side, brian said he would support me in any decision i made.
i am sure this will shock some of you mums, but i spose not having walked in my shoes,it must be hard to comprehend i hope you will find it in your hearts to be empathetic.
my love as always deb, and to everyone else who is having a troubled time. love laura xx

PCUK Nurse Jeni
Posts: 1070
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Fri Jan 11, 2013 10:43 am

Dearest Laura,

What a hard time for you just now? Please do not feel condemned about your decision.

As you say, you must know every side to a story before you make a comment, and we know how much of a support you are to Brian, and to others on these forums. Families can be complicated, and this is something no human will be able to understand. The thoughts, feelings and actions of some people towards others can be unbelievable sometimes (only have to look at recent shootings in USA), and as mothers, we might never understand or come to terms with what goes on within our own families. All we can do is try our best.

You will be in our thoughts over these difficult days. Take care.

Jeni.

Hopefulwife
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2011 3:55 pm

Re: wendy, and now my son , how differant

Postby Hopefulwife » Fri Jan 11, 2013 7:28 pm

Oh My Dear Friend Laura - I just dipped in here to see how you were all doing and read about your son. I am so very sorry for your loss - a different one to that which some of us are experiencing, but a loss nonetheless.

My cousin committed suicide in March last year and all everyone could comment was how could he do that to us all when poor Steve would have given anything for a life. But you have to question why someone would do that to themselves - and remember THEY did it, no-one else and how we all react is a very personal thing. Just remember you have your Bri, and he has been given extra time to spend with you - a very special person, so just try to cherish that. Tears will come, but if not - please don't beat yourself up about it.

With love Diane xxx