devastated and trying to hide it

My lovely mum was diagnosed 'by accident' with pancreatic cancer 3 yrs ago - the surgeon operated and removed the tumor and her spleen. It had spread into 2 lymph nodes and she had chemo. 1st round was terrible - she went into toxic shock - then then reduced the strength by 25% and she tolerated the treatment for the next 5 mths. All was well for a year but then last spring her c19-9 reading began to rise (no idea of the actual numbers) despite numerous CT scans nothing could be seen - until this week. She has secondaries in her liver and bowel. Surgery is not being offered nor is radiotherapy. She has been offered chemo to ease pain and slow growth. I can't believe it.

Dearest,

I know exactly what you mean when you say Devastated. I feel for you.

I am so sorry about all this. Please try and remain strong, you must do this for your mother.

Stay strong, take deep breaths and take each day at a time.

Make sure to cherish each moment, as we all should anyhow.

I know there is nothing I can do, imagine a virtual hug.

And keep writing to us.

Best,

Ella.

thanks ella

told her last night how much i love her and that she was to stop listening to words like 'fighting' and 'battling' - she was simply to take as much or as little treatment as she wanted - she owes nothing to us or anyone else. I haven't got a clue what or how much or when to tell my children - she has looked after them every day since they were born -