New Year

Hi everyone

This time last year, I didn't want to celebrate going into the year 2010. I thought that would be the year I would lose my beloved husband to PC. We stayed in, went to bed early and felt very miserable, yet here we are again - another New Year's Eve and Brian is still with me. I wish now we had celebrated but instead, we are going out tonight, just for a quiet meal, but we are not feeling the same doom and gloom as we did last New Year's Eve. We have tried, all through his illness, to be positive and to hope for the best, making the most of every day we had together. I am so glad we did, otherwise we would have wasted a whole year being miserable. In all probability, I will lose Brian in 2011, unless another miracle happens and he manages to hold on for another year. I hope what I've said will give some of you hope and strength to carry on the fight with your loved ones. Make the most of every day! Enjoy what you can together! Don't try and look too far ahead, or it will simply drag you down.

Not only have we just had a wonderful Christmas, Brian also celebrated his 60th birthday on the 29th. We had a party for family & friends and it was a brilliant day. I had a photo book made up containing pictures going back to his youth, our early days together, our wedding, birth of our daughter, holidays with friends, daughters wedding and pictures of all his family and friends. He was absolutely over the moon with it. If anyone wants to give their loved one something very special as a celebration of their life, then I can certainly recommend a photo book.

I know a lot of people on here have lost loved ones. I know they are suffering. I know a lot of people are going through the awful rollercoaster journey of their loved ones being diagnosed, being ill, and seeing them suffer. My heart goes out to them and my thoughts are with you all. Gill, Clare, Chinup, to name a few - I hope time is easing your pain. I am also thinking of Juliana and Nicky & Ted tonight. I hope you will keep strong and keep fighting.

Some of you will be looking forward now, to a better New Year. Some of us will perhaps be dreading what the next year will bring. All I can say is that my thoughts are with you and I wish you all happiness in some small way in 2011.

Love

Ellie

x

Hi Ellie, I feel quite ashamed to say that I have not logged onto this site for some time and tend to put it off for fear of bad news. That's not to say that I don't think about you and Brian but logging on is entering into the unknown.

I am so pleased that you and Brian got through 2010 and that you had such a great Christmas. What a lovely way to spend Brian's 60th and the photo book must have been quite an emotional but fabulous piece to put together.

The passing of 2010 will have meant a great deal to you both and I wish you all the best for 2011.

I feel like I'd like to join you for a cuppa and a chat - I'll be sure to keep in touch x

Gill xxxxxxxx

Hello Gill!

So very nice to hear from you again!

You should certainly not be ashamed to say you don't come to the site anymore - why would you need to? You've had your bad times and hopefully you have moved on. Visiting the site will only bring back bad memories and, as you say, you don't know what you will read, so it's not something you should need to put yourself through. Saying that, I am really pleased to hear from you.

How are you and your family getting on these days? Is time helping to ease things for you? I do hope so.

I'll raise my teacup to you and say - wishing you all the very best for 2011, too. Hope it will be a good year for you.

Lots of love

Ellie

xx

Hello Ellie,

It's good to be in touch with you. Life does go on. My daughter is 8 years old tomorrow so I hosted a kiddies birthday party yesterday and I'm taking the family out tomorrow evening for a celebratory evening meal.

I'm in London on business from Tuesday to Friday this and next week so we've made this a birthday weekend. We presented my daughter with a television, set up and ready to watch or play games in her room - she laughed and cried at the same time - I've never seen that emotion in anyone but it was lovely!! Needless to say there will be a lot of rules and regs over that television!!!!!

It took me about 16 months to finally stop sobbing on a daily basis (give or take a day or two). Life is a process and I'm trying to be philosophical about that. I find that I'm not worrying about my mum too much - she's now in touch with a circle of new friends - seeing her cope so well has been a little difficult because they were married for 50 years and I didn't think she would be doing so well so soon, but then it eases the strain on me knowing that she is occupied and getting out and about. I guess that everyone has their own strategy for coping and my Mum most likely deals with her feelings alone.

That's not to say that looking back isn't painful but we all seem to have found our own way of coping with it. It never goes away but I have learned to package it away in a virtual box and to try not to look inside too often (sounds mad but it's my way of coping).

I still find it very difficult to look at photographs of my Dad so when my daughter gets the album out I have to be really brave and do my best not to allow my emotions to show.

This site is a place I can go to relate to what has happened - there is no other such place.

Ellie, I wish you and your family a peaceful New Year.

We'll keep in touch,

Lots of love, Gill xxxx