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Fifi

Re: frustrated

Postby Fifi » Wed Oct 07, 2015 9:05 pm

Hi Sheena,

2 weeks is a very long time. We always had exactly one week after a scan, and I thought that was long enough. Can you speak to the oncologist about this when you see him? I just don't believe people with this cancer should have to wait.
Reading your sentence about Steve apologising to you, it struck a nerve with me. That is what Dad would say to me, exactly that actually. I would just say it was ok, and I wanted him to be able to get his feelings and frustrations out on me, rather than anyone else. My love is unconditional, and I would take anything.
I think it is so very important for them to get their feelings out, and so good he feels comfortable to do that with you. Obviously it breaks your heart, but yiu are doing so well.

Take care

Leila xx

sheena
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:42 pm

Re: frustrated

Postby sheena » Thu Oct 08, 2015 6:34 pm

I'm so sorry but I'm having a bad day.everyone is getting on my nerves God how people moan about trivial things .I so want to shake them,I have done so well over the last 7months been so strong,and I find myself a blubbering wreck today.I am so angry at myself for not being in control I don't want to let Steve see me like this ,but I'm running out of excuses to use the bathroom.please tell me you have been like this at times .

Fifi

Re: frustrated

Postby Fifi » Thu Oct 08, 2015 8:56 pm

Oh Sheena,

You are not alone on those feelings. You really aren't. They aren't wrong, or unusual either.
You are so vulnerable. Seeing your darling husband going through this, and having to be strong as well. Not easy tasks. They is only so much a heart can take.
I completely understand your anger and frustration with others. Listening to people complain about their colds, their broken nails, hearing people say this is killing me, and that is killing me. They do want bloody shaking. They have no idea what ill means.
Keep posting here as much as you can. Everyone here understands, and no one understands in real life.
You are being brilliant with Steve, come here and let off steam as much as you need.

Leila xx

sheena
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:42 pm

Re: frustrated

Postby sheena » Thu Oct 08, 2015 9:08 pm

Ty leila I feel so alone ,living on a island can sometimes make you feel sophicated.I know people mean well but they say things like if that was me I would go on a big holiday.I'm like really one I don't have any money two how can we when Steve has chemo once a week three do you think he could get insurance.then they say I know what your going through erm no you don't .I think I'm just tired as trying to work full time etc.I'm scared to lose Steve I'm scared of being by myself I'm scared Steve will suffer x

Fifi

Re: frustrated

Postby Fifi » Thu Oct 08, 2015 9:37 pm

Sheena I'm so sorry.

People don't understand, it is why I try and avoid them. They make me feel worse. They may have had a relative die, even a close one, but until they are in your position, seeing what you see, all the worry of the appointments, the what if's, the decline, until they go through what we go through, they have no idea, absolutely none. Some people think they know how we feel because someone in their family has died, they got a phone call one. Not walked in our shoes. Ignorant people, try not to let them get to you. I know it is easier said than done. But try to push their comments to the back of your mind.

Are you not getting any help from benefits? Dad was on his own and was worried about money, he called Macmillan benefits amd they helped him no end.

I can't help with your other fears because no matter what anyone says, they won't go away. You just need to try to push them to one side and think about the here and now. Think about loving Steve, making more memories, enjoying every minute together. One day at a time.

Leila xx

sheena
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:42 pm

Re: frustrated

Postby sheena » Thu Oct 08, 2015 10:48 pm

We don't have mc McMillan nurses here Steve does get £80 terminal illness benefit .everything here is expensive the joys of living on an island .I am feeling a bit better now no tears left ,I guess I'm frustrated with the wait ,so thinking to much and worrying about things that might not even happen.been down this road with my brother cancer of the oeasophagas was told 3 mths to live basically written off had to fight for him and he is still alive now 15 years later .So I'm not overly confident with the professionals here

sheena
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:42 pm

Re: frustrated

Postby sheena » Mon Oct 12, 2015 7:21 pm

Been up hospital today some stupid driver ran over Steve's foot when we were taking garden cuttings to the recycling.fortunately it is not broken ,but very swollen and bruised .I was so cross all he could say was I didn't c u .So know Steve is on crutches until he can weight bear

Fifi

Re: frustrated

Postby Fifi » Mon Oct 19, 2015 8:57 pm

Hi Sheena,

Sorry about the amount of money Steve gets, that is pretty poor. Looks like quite a big difference to here, which is very unfair. What bloody idiot ran over his foot?? Some people, they really annoy me!

How is Steve doing now? How are yiu feeling?

Leila xx

sheena
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:42 pm

Re: frustrated

Postby sheena » Tue Oct 20, 2015 4:10 pm

Results are as tumour is same no change ,no spread but has a nodule on side of lung which is showing up red /cancer ? So plan is another 2 mths of chemo then 're access pet scan radiotherapy .cancer markers are the same so it seems chemo is holding it back.

alimc77
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Aug 03, 2015 12:31 pm

Re: frustrated

Postby alimc77 » Wed Oct 21, 2015 11:42 am

Hi Sheena,

I don't usually post on here but I follow everyone's stories. You struck a chord with me about the people moaning about trivial things. My dad has advanced pancreatic cancer, has had chemo but there's nothing more they can do for him now. it's all i think about, 24/7 and i've snapped at a few people who've been moaning about stupid things. ive told my friends and close colleagues i don't want to talk about it unless i bring it up and they've been really understanding but you can't make everyone not talk about it and the 'i know how you feel' is the most annoying comment anyone can make. no one knows how we feel unless they've been through it. i've experienced my mum dying suddenly, literally there one minute and gone the next and now having to watch my dad suffer with this. i keep thinking about what will be worse, the sudden shock or the pain of watching him suffer. im driving myself crazy with the constant worrying. i wish you all the best and will follow your story. its comforting to listen to people going through the same as you.

Alison x

sheena
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:42 pm

Re: frustrated

Postby sheena » Wed Oct 21, 2015 9:01 pm

Hi Alison it's such a shame we all struggle it feels like you turn a corner than something else pops up.I was feeling stronger last week and actually found the courage to tell a few people to shut up ,I know they mean well but sometimes I need a break.I am more confused than ever now my God Steve's oncologist is hard work.He told us last time a biopsy would b dangerous to do and Steve might not make it so obviously we declined it .now he says after the next 2 rounds of chemo ,we should get a pet scan and have a biopsy done .nothing has changed apart from Steve being on chemo so if was dangerous then surely it's the same now .also when I asked about spread He said none now he says have a nodule on lung which was already there ,I really want to tell him what I think but Steve thinks he is great as he is still alive so what can I do grrrr.I hope your dad is comfortable and you are taking care of yourself love and hugs x

alimc77
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Aug 03, 2015 12:31 pm

Re: frustrated

Postby alimc77 » Wed Oct 21, 2015 9:23 pm

Hi sheena
my dads on a high today. He saw oncologist and has decided to have more chemo. He knows
its not a cure but will buy him more time. His positive attitude
is driving me on. He wants one more summer. It makes everyone around him happy
when he's happy. The ups and downs are so emotionally draining. Take care and ignore the comments xx

sandraW
Posts: 1047
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: frustrated

Postby sandraW » Thu Oct 22, 2015 7:54 am

Hi Sheena and Alison too, still reading all your stories, glad you are both going through a better patch at the moment, just to let you know I am thinking of you, may the good times continue. love sandrax xx

sheena
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:42 pm

Re: frustrated

Postby sheena » Thu Oct 22, 2015 9:53 pm

So glad Alison every day is precious long may it continue x

sheena
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:42 pm

Re: frustrated

Postby sheena » Tue Oct 27, 2015 10:40 pm

So it's chemo day again tomorrow how the weeks go so quickly.Steve has a terrible cough and it is making him urge .He snores really bad now so I'm not getting much sleep.has finally got his body clock back to normal so that's a blessing.has got a fungal infection on his toe nails it looks really gross I'm sure the nails are gonna fall off.hope everyone is doing ok love and hugs xx