Our hero lost the battle

Sarah!!! If you didn't laugh you would cry. In fact I seem to have mastered the art of doing both at the same time. We have such terrific friends. Today the sun was shining in Ireland. I looked out and a neighbour was cutting a hedge at the front of our house, a physio arrived with a walking aid for Bill, the hospice nurse popped in, another friend cut the back garden, two ex colleagues of Bills followed by two young maths teachers from his department turned up bearing wine, juice, cake etc and then a workmate of mine arrived. Bill dozed all evening he was so exhausted by it all!

By the way the lines on the grass are like shite but hey.....it's cut!

June

Thinking of you and the family Karen.

Julia xxx

Me too x

Me as well.

XXX

I cannot thank u enough for your support ladies. Quickly logged on trying to put off getting up to face today and saw your posts. Can't tell you how much they mean.

Currently in bed listening to the sounds of everyone else getting up and hoping the relatives will sort the dishwasher out ( packed up in the middle of a full load last night! ) it never rains but pours! Very anxious about today but has to be done. Bob's final party must go on xxx

Thinking of you Karen..

I hope the final party goes fantastically.

Xxxx

Thinking of you today Karen and sending all my love xxx

Thinking about you today

June x

Don't know where the strength comes from to get through days like today. Thinking of you and your family.

very best wishes,

Nikki

Karen,

I hope the final party was a great one!

Have been thinking of you all day , in the middle of clinic etc ( you know how it is!!), I am sure it has been exhausting and difficult but also I hope a celebration of someone who sounds very special.

Keep posting and keep plodding on, you are doing a great job!

Bee xx

Karen, I hope the send off was lovely. So glad you cut that grass! Bill fell downstairs this evening.....more shite god love him. That was all he needed. Blood everywhere due to clexane to thin the blood. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh

Karen

I hope all went well,thinking of you

Sue

X

Well the final party is over and if I do say so myself I think Bob would have been proud of us all. The weather was actually dry enabling close family to walk behind Bob to the quaint village church up the road. The church was packed with people having to stand at the back. Bob had chosen his songs so we entered to 'candle in the wind' then our close friends who had known Bob as a child onwards talked about his life bringing lots of laughter to the congregation. I chose 'Lord of the dance' and 'Praise my soul the king of heaven' and then our daughter Rebecca spoke about her dad again remembering the funny things he did, the embarrassing dad dancing and singing etc. She kept turning towards Bob to include him in all this and at this point the sun suddenly came out shining down on him. Rebecca read the poem that Hilary had also used for her husband and then she announced that Bob's final song would be 'Human' by The Killers, a favourite of his with quite a few people who attended remembering a xmas at ours when he 'performed' his version to my utter embarrassment. Everyone then came into the churchyard where he was buried. The kids and I threw a red rose each onto the coffin and then we released 12 balloons from close family and friends with messages. It was all just lovely and people kept saying to me that they felt guilty for enjoying a funeral but it truly was a celebration of his life.

We had around 90 people over to our local pub where we stayed for far too long. Long enough for the pub to run out of wine and lager with the landlady having to close for a couple of hours to get a delivery in! Bob would have just had a great time and I'm sure he was looking down on us with great pride.

Today has been rough with the kids and I having a duvet day apart from going out to visit Bob. I seem to have lost my sense of purpose now, nothing to plan for, just a great big void. Not helped by the fact that this Friday he would have been 52. What a tragic waste of life and he was just so full of life.

Thinking of all you lovely people in our 'forum family' especially Julia and Kate.

Karen xxxx

Oh Karen, it sounds just perfect! Bob was so young, 10 years younger than Ray and it was too soon even for him

We have Ray's funeral on Monday and I hope it goes as well, it feels like a big responsibility don't you think, organising a funeral for your husband?

Karen, what are we going to do without our men? Its so bloody hard but thank goodness for family.

Much love

Julia xxx

Thank-you for sharing your day Karen, it's comforting to hear how someone got through a day which is my biggest fear. My Dad died suddenly during the first year of my nurse training I could not imagine how my Mum would go on without him, but someone she has and things got easier. It sounds like you were all incredibly brave and strong today, and I am sure that Bob looked down with great pride on you all,

Nikki

Hi Karen, it sounds like you did a fantastic job for Bob. My Dad's funeral is something we, now at a distance, remember with pride. Mainly because of the standing room only and the stories that caused so much laughter afterwards. It was what he deserved and we think he would have felt blessed by so many people who cared for him coming to say goodbye.

You talked about that daunting void he's left. That makes my heart break for you. Mum asked me to say that it will slowly be filled by people, things and places you love, but always with a space for memories of Bob. For now I hope you lean on the people who love and care for you and when things quieten down don't hesitate to get in touch if you want a chat with a friendly stranger down the road here in Norfolk.

Lots of love

Sarah

XXX

Hi Karen,

I'm so glad that today went well for you all and really pleased that you used the poem I posted. I read those words very often as they sum up how I feel about the future on my own. I won't pretend it's easy, early days yet as it's only five weeks since Dave died, but our loved ones didn't have a choice in this journey. I feel, like you and Julia, we have to go on and make the most of a very different life to what we had planned. Dave and I had planned to travel, to have our "gap year" that we never had as students. I feel that I owe it to him to make the most of my journey in life and wherever I go he will be there with me because I will always carry him in my heart.

Hilary x x

Hi Karen

You and your family did a wonderful job for Bob - it really does sound like he had the very best send off and I am absolutely sure that he was watching and smiling as you all drunk the pub dry (You go girl!!!!!).

I cannot imagine how you, Julia and Hilary are feeling - the prospect fills me with such sadness and dread. Bob, Ray and Jonathan were all having the same treatment around the same time. It just feels all so wrong.

But I think Sarah's Mum's words are true. We are all strong ladies and we will get through and go on. And we are always here for each other with ears and virtual hugs.

Julia and Kate (and the boys) - we will be thinking of you all on Monday.

xxxxx

Hi All

Just so full of admiration for all you brave supporters of those who are fighting, or have fought, this pernicious disease. I'm not saying it's easy being the patient but it must be so difficult seeing a loved one taking the blows that you would gladly take for them.

Fortunately I'm still responding well to treatment and feeling pretty chipper but you all give me inspiration to face the bleaker times that lie ahead knowing that you and your brave families have led the way.

So glad that you have coped so well with the harrowing times and pray that your positivity survives the dark days that you will encounter. Be kind to yourselves, look after yourselves as well as you have cared for your loved ones and live well in their memory. Depression is often just the meeting of fatigue and low blood sugar so eat and get plenty of rest. Oh and the odd drop or two of your favourite tipple won't go amiss but try not to overdo it! (I can hear my daughter screaming "Dad you bloody hypocrite" as I type that and recall us staggering back to our mobile home together after a serious session of Tequila Slammers in the South of France!)

Love and Peace

Mike

Mike, I love you!

Julia xxx

Well said Mike! Thanks for the kind words and encouragement.

Hilary x

Mike.

I love you too!!!!!!

xxxxxx

I cannot understand how I missed reading your post Karen. It's going to be hard not hearing about Bob and what he was doing on any particular day, which nearly always made me laugh.

I can only ditto what everyone else has written with good wishes to you and your family.

I know on my dark days, I start thinking about how my family will be on the day of my funeral. I have rehearsed what I'm going to say (I wanted to make a DVD) but I can never finish what I'm going to say as it ends with a speech to my beautiful daughter and it's then I break down. Of course as is always said, it's the ones you leave behind who will continue to cry for their loss, but as Mike says you'll have good days and one or two bad ones, but always you will cherish the time you and Bob spent together and then you can smile to your hearts content.

Stay Strong

Linda x

Thank you all for your kind messages. Always a little diffident about posting on here when I'm experiencing so few problems. I'm very happy if you find my ramblings helpful.

Love and Peace

Mike

Mike, I would urge to post as often as you like!

You are so good with words and your posts are so uplifting!

I'm DELIGHTED that you are so well, long may it continue.

Linda, my heart goes out to you x

Karen, Hilary, hope you are both doing okay. Funeral for us on Monday

Love to you all.

Julia x