The Struggle is over

Hello folk ,

I haven't posted on here for awhile.

Things were going so downhill with my Husband Alan.

The MacMillan nurse was coming in weekly.

We had a quiet Christmas , then on Jan. 3rd. Alan was admitted to the local Hospice. They were wonderful ,compassionate , caring nurses who looked after him , I am so grateful to them.

Then Yesterday 13th Jan , he peacefully slipped away.

I am so relieved, his fight is over and it has been a long one? It would have been four years this April . I truly believe the surgeon who did his Whipples surgery extended his life for the years he had I will always be grateful to him.

I am going to try to be strong now and know that his long hard road is over ... he always tried to be strong for me .. now it is my turn.

Thank you for listening to me I have lost my Best friend and Husband of 43 years , but I know I am luckier than many.

For all who have this dreadful disease , please try to be positive I am sure it does help .

Love

Diane

Oh Diane, I am sending you virtual hugs. I am so sorry but pleased that Alan was peaceful in his final days. Nearly four years is amazing - a complete contrast to our 2months and 3days. Take good care of yourself. It is hard but you can do it. Lots of love and sympathies, Sue, xxx

Hi Sue

Thank you .... I have grabbed on tight to your hugs.....

I know I am lucky , I had Alan for longer than many who get this awful disease. In the hospice there was another man with Pancreatic cancer .... he was 40 and didn't make past 6 months. A lovely little girl of just 6 .

Life can be so cruel can't it Sue.

I am so relieved that Alan has now been ' released ' from his pain . I will do everything that I can to take his strength to move on .

Hugs back to you Sue

Hugs

Diane

Hi Diane

So sorry to hear Alan has passed away but thankful that it was peaceful and that you had the time you had. I, like you, have also taken the courage and strength my husband showed during his battle and used it to help me move forward - Alan will be very proud of you. It can take a while to come to terms with all that has happened and you will feel a mixture of emotions in the coming weeks but know that you have people here that understand and will always listen and care. Also sending you a virtual hug and lots of love.

Deb

x

hi diane, what can i say, sorry sounds so inadequate, but for you i am sorry, for hubby it would appear he needed an end to his struggle.

yet another hill to climb. path to find a way through,

my thoughts and love, with yet another hug, on its way to you.

laura x

Well, what shall I say. Sorry to know about the passing away of Alan but its good to know that you have been with him till the end and at the struggling days you have been offering so much of support. The courage and stamina that you have will make you to climb at the greatest height.

Thank you , Mike , Laura , Sue and Deb,

Being here and reading your replies make me feel that the understanding of you all , will help me move on . I know it is early days and I know there will be times when the tears will flow , but the days can only get easier ? Just to know Alan is out of pain and no longer filled with Morphine and trying to be strong.

I am at a loss ??? This is odd ? Alan passed on Sunday morning. Sunday evening I noticed a candle alight ? It was a candle that changed color when you lit it ? But I didn't ever light it? The colors are in the candle ... still going since Sunday ? There is no way I can turn it off ? No switch ,guess Alan is going to stay awhile longer ??? I have no idea and no , I haven't been into the wine LOL

Had to tell you this to lighten the mood a little ... but it is TRUE ?

Thank you for your support .

Hugs

Diane

Hi Diane - it is early days and they will get easier, I promise. There were days when I felt so low and felt such a dark cloud over me that I thought I was sinking and would never feel anything other than sad but as time passed, those days have come and gone and now they are just moments in particular days so I have noticed the improvement. My husband died in April last year, so it does take a little while. My "candle" moment came in a dream where I finally dreamt of my husband and I laughing together (all previous ones I had been crying or feeling really angry with him) - I woke with such a new feeling and I really believe he had visited me and told me to stop wasting energy on feeling sad and feeling angry and to move on, start living and having fun again. I am sure you will see and feel messages that tell you a similar thing and you will get there in your own time and in your own way. I am sure you are comforted in the knowledge that Alan is OK and keeping an eye on you now. Take care of yourself and remember where we are if you need to talk.

lots of love

Deb

x

Hi Diane,

We are so very sorry to hear of the news of Alan's death.

We would like to extend our condolences to you and the family at this heartbreaking time.

please be assured we are thinking of you.

Kind regards,

Dianne and Jeni, on behalf of the PCUK team.

Hi Diane

I am so sorry to read the news about Alan's passing. Both you and I are now setting off down yet another path, leaving behind the one we have walked with our loved one as they suffered. As we walk this new, difficult, path, I believe that they will be watching over us and we will always feel their presence.

Big hug for you,

Paul xx

Thank you for all your thoughtful responses to me ,

I tell myself that I am one of many that has lost their partner to this awful disease.

This board helps me realize just that .

My condolences and love to all , we walk this road together now . A new one , so different from caring for our loved one , we care now for ourselves?

We have to stay strong

Hugs

Diane