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Sammy-Lou
Posts: 56
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2012 3:02 pm

Re: No bed available at hospital for gastric bypass!!!

Postby Sammy-Lou » Wed Jan 30, 2013 5:33 pm

Paul, just stopping by to see how you are doing?
Been thinking of you this last week and hoping you managed some time for yourself at the weekend.
Take care Paul
Sam x

yorkypaul
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:23 am

Re: No bed available at hospital for gastric bypass!!!

Postby yorkypaul » Wed Jan 30, 2013 10:55 pm

Hi Sam,
How kind of you to think of me! Weekend was a tough one _ I would normally have been going up to Andrea on Saturday after work. My friends realised and invited me round for a chinese (didn't eat much) and a film. It was really good of them. I got the blubbing over with when I first got there and got lots of hugs.
I am still in a kind of daze. I am working full stretch again which I think helps a little. I wake up thinking it's all been a bad dream - only to find it's reality. My eldest is going travelling for 10 months on Friday. It was his 24th birthday yesterday, so we three took him out for an Indian. Andrea loved going for an Indian, so she was (as always) very much in my thoughts.
Went for my biopsy result yesterday and was given the all clear with some conditions attatched. On the way to the hospital, my daughter took me to a music shop in York and bought me another guitar to add to my collection (that's the 9th!). It's a Taylor acoustic. I've wanted one for 40 years, not just because they are a great instrument, but because it happens to be my surname too! So, a guitar with my name on it! My girl bought it for me because, unknown to me, Andrea had told her to encourage me to get back into my music when she had gone as I would not handle things well and would have a little time on my hands. I think Andrea, being the kind and generous person that she was, would have a smile on her face as she saw what my daughter had done. I was in tears.
So, one step at a time. Every day is difficult, but my love was insistent that I didn't think about giving up.
Big hug for you Sam,
Paul xx

Sammy-Lou
Posts: 56
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2012 3:02 pm

Re: No bed available at hospital for gastric bypass!!!

Postby Sammy-Lou » Fri Feb 01, 2013 9:20 am

How wonderful of Andrea and your daughter, Andrea truly was an inspirational and strong lady to have been so thoughtful in that way despite what she was facing, what a blessing to have had her in your life. I'm glad your friends are looking out for you Paul and what a relief to have food news from the biopsy! I just hope that when I need to I can be strong like you, Andrea will be so proud of you and you must follow your passion for music, I'm sure it will be a comfort to you just as Andrea said.
Stay strong and hope you get through the weekend with the support of your friends and family again..
Take care
S x

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: No bed available at hospital for gastric bypass!!!

Postby DRAD3 » Fri Feb 01, 2013 8:02 pm

Hi Paul.
So lovely to hear of your good results from the biopsy and how your daughter treated you to your longed for guitar (with your name written all over it...literally!) I know that feeling when you first wake up and for a moment you forget...and then you remember and you get that sinking feeling. That does get better over time, as everything does. So, you keep going as you are - doing amazingly well, carrying on but with Andrea in your thoughts. I hope your son gets off on his travels OK and that you continue to spend time with people who care for you.
Much love Paul
Deb
x

yorkypaul
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:23 am

Re: No bed available at hospital for gastric bypass!!!

Postby yorkypaul » Fri Feb 01, 2013 9:10 pm

Thanks Deb and Sam.
I am braced for the rollercoaster. One moment seemingly ok, a bit later feeling like a train has hit you. I so want to get off this horrible fairground ride, but I have 3 grown up (allegedly) kids who need me to stay on it. Thank you so much for your kind words. It does help when things seem very dark.
Big hugs,
Paul x

yorkypaul
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:23 am

Re: No bed available at hospital for gastric bypass!!!

Postby yorkypaul » Wed Feb 20, 2013 10:32 pm

Andrera's first grandchild is due anytime now. She sooo wanted to be a part of this little boy's life. I am very excited waiting for him to arrive! I have been finding life very difficult lately. I hope this will give me the additional focus that I need. Sadly, life is still very empty, but I am working hard at keeping afloat (with help from friends). It's what my lovely Andrea wanted me to do. Sometimes not sure I am up to it. I read all your posts but, sadly, am not always strong enough to offer advice and support. My goal is still to fundraise against this vile disease. PC UK have already sent us some resources to this end. Hope they understand the delay in getting to grips with doing it. I'm sure they do.
Love thoughts and prayers are with you all. Hugs,
Paul x

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: No bed available at hospital for gastric bypass!!!

Postby DRAD3 » Thu Feb 21, 2013 7:15 pm

Hi Paul - so lovely to hear from you. Know that you are in our thoughts and nice to know that you are still visiting the forum. I know that sometimes it is difficult to muster the energy to do anything but do not feel guilty about that - you will get done what you can. There is no rush after all. I have been low this week - a couple of problems happened at home that Gary would have just sorted in his efficient way and I was left floundering, feeling pretty useless and wanting to cry because he was not there to step in and take control. The feeling of loss just hit me again - I don't suppose it will ever go away totally. It is so hard and I feel for you, knowing that you are in the same boat. Take care, Paul and keep strong.
love
Deb
x

PCUK Nurse Jeni
Posts: 1085
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: No bed available at hospital for gastric bypass!!!

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Fri Feb 22, 2013 10:56 am

Dear Paul,

So sorry to hear that you are feeling low and finding things hard to cope with right now. Of course, this is hardly surprising, and the ordeal you went through when Andrea was so unwell is probably catching up as well. Sometimes we forget how much it takes out of us when we invest emotionally in something. It can be very different to physical investment . It leaves you feeling bereft, and of course, you will do having lost your wife.

It is good to know that there is a new little life on its way to bring some joy to you all! And that is exactly what will happen. As time goes by, there will be happy memories, and the soul will begin to heal - but it does take time, and for some, longer than others. Go easy on yourself, and allow the process to take place at the pace which is right for you.

And of course, please do not worry about the fundraising aspect until you feel well and truly able to face it. There is no rush Paul. In fact, it is better to wait until the right time, and we are not going anywhere, so we are happy to have your support whenever you feel up to it.

Take care Paul,

Jeni.

Sammy-Lou
Posts: 56
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2012 3:02 pm

Re: No bed available at hospital for gastric bypass!!!

Postby Sammy-Lou » Thu Apr 18, 2013 3:39 pm

Just wanted to say that I have been thinking of you Paul, I hope you are doing ok and the new addition has provided a welcome distraction and a much needed injection of love into your heart. Hope to see an update from you soon, you are in my thoughts x

yorkypaul
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2012 12:23 am

Re: No bed available at hospital for gastric bypass!!!

Postby yorkypaul » Sun Apr 21, 2013 12:33 am

Hi Sam. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I am going up to see the new baby boy next Sunday for the first time. I am sooo excited. I have been working six and a half days a week lately and, I have to say, I am getting very tired now. I intend to knock Sunday mornings on the head the week after next and return to just six days. Life is very much a rollercoaster. Some days the loss of my darling Andrea just overwhelms me and I fall apart.When I walk the dogs in the early morning I look at the trees and think of what she told me: "I will always be with you. When the trees rustle as you walk by, that will be me." I have some good friends who are giving me lots of support. One friend calls in very early in the morning a couple of times a week for a cuppa before work. Another couple invite me for tea every Thursday evening. Another couple have me there for a chinese and a DVD on a Saturday night. One of our mutual friends texts me most nights to say goodnight (me and Andrea were witnesses at her wedding last year). Members of my family ring me often. I am very lucky to have such a support network of loving, caring people. However, there comes a point every day, when I am alone, when it sinks in...the finality...the loss and emtiness. I expect that I will get used to it one day and accept the situation.
I look on the site every day, but am at a loss as to what I can say to help and support others. I hope this will change as I grow stronger.
I send a big hug to everyone on the site. I offer my positive thought, hopes and prayers to you all.

Paul x