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littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Sun Aug 12, 2012 10:11 am

Thanks Karen, I can't see anything getting better any time soon. As for the subject in this middle of all this, my brother, today he is talking, albeit a bit of jibberish but I swear that yesterday I truly believed he would never talk again. He has drunk water and kept it down, he said to his partner that he "asked for a cup of tea 10 hours ago and where is it"!! drank his cup of tea and kept it down. Had another shot of morphine on top of that in his driver and patches; has been catheterised and is passing quite a bit of urine. Is now sleeping peacefully, so I think dying has again been put on hold.
His partner is biting her tongue regarding the funeral at the moment, I hope this applies also to his children and that it lasts. I know they are all in pain, much of which is ancient but now being brought to the surface - I suppose that is inevitable and I am going to embrace my new found role of trying to stay out of the fray.

Ella50
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:14 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby Ella50 » Mon Aug 13, 2012 12:54 pm

Hi there,, my heart goes out to you.. its not easy and everyone is different.. many relationships can change during this time. some people may pleasantly surprise you. things you think will happen, may never quite turn out that way.
I really do wish the best for you. glad your brother is where he wants to be, his pain being managed and is feeling peaceful.. thats all we can hope. There still seems to be many good moments to be had with your brother .. take care of yourself.. oh and have a 'beverage' or two for me......
Love Ella xx

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby DRAD3 » Mon Aug 13, 2012 9:21 pm

So glad, you are now able to take a step back and feel OK with that. I sense your brother's inner peace has radiated out to those around him - is it his cunning plan?! I hope he gets all he wishes for and continues to be comfortable. Love and strength as always.
Deb
x

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Wed Aug 15, 2012 10:10 am

Well, unbelievably my brother is still here. He drinks, he sleeps, drinks and sleeps. This state of affairs has been going on for so long. I think maybe, it is nature's way of preparing us all so that much of the grieving is done before the event and that the 'event' is both uneventful and a matter of course.
This was the same with my sister, the doctors expected her to slip away on boxing day or soon thereafter and she didn't die until 9th January, that after four years of her diagnosis.
My brother looks comfortable, I hope he is, he is very well cared for and his partner is very well supported. My nephew, my brother's son, has turned out to be an absolute rock and perhaps this length of dying has been good for him. He and my brother were particularly close, my brother seemed to always be concerned for him and now my nephew is the strong one for my brother and his partner. This period of adjustment could almost have been orchestrated.

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Sat Aug 18, 2012 1:23 am

too tired to post all that has been happening, but my brother is still here. Yesterday I felt he had a warm, loving and comforting day,no pain, no agitation.

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Sun Aug 19, 2012 12:31 pm

In and out of coma, a few sips of a drink each day, still waiting to leave us and I have a view, which may be daft, that he is waiting for one special person to come before he can let go. She was due to come on Friday but didn't and now we don't know when she will come. I don't want to share this view with her because it may leave her to carry guilt, besides which it may be a load of rubbish.

DRAD3
Posts: 435
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:22 am

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby DRAD3 » Sun Aug 19, 2012 1:26 pm

I have heard this before and tend to agree with you but it is difficult, isn't it, to voice your thoughts in such situations. One can never be absolutely sure - perhaps you can just say to her that her visiting would be really welcome and hope that she comes. Deb xx

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Sun Aug 19, 2012 2:51 pm

Already told her on Friday by text that her visit would be the icing on the cake and he could perhaps slip away contented. Didn't receive a reply to the text and she didn't mention it when I spoke to her so either it got lost in the ether or? I don't feel I can put it any stronger than that without making her feel guilty. I care very much for her but as I said in my very first post it is such a complicated situation and I feel my brother has helped greatly in constructing it. Showing emotions are not big in my family, indeed I am considered a bit over the top!

farmers wife
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2012 4:55 am

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby farmers wife » Sun Aug 19, 2012 3:12 pm

I believe your instincts are right. Let us hope the special person comes soon.

I am with you, thinking of you and wish for peace for your brother and all of those that he loves.

Look after you
Karen x
Last edited by farmers wife on Mon Aug 20, 2012 1:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Mon Aug 20, 2012 9:57 am

I am furious, last week when counting the ampules of morphine, they seemed to be 2 short, the adult safeguarding team was sent out and decided on a locked box. My brother's partner asked how this would work and was told everyone would have a key, she asked about the rapid response team and was told they too would have a key. Last night my brother was in pain and the rapid response team were called, guess what they didn't have a key and no
one could be contacted with a key. They have been called roughly 3 times a week since he became very, very ill so it is not an unusual circumstance. It is now nearly 10am and they await the DN who can unlock the box and give him a morphine shot. So much for pain free deaths. Miscounting obviously happened somewhere along the line and my brother has to suffer for it and I mean suffer. Boy are there going to be complaints and official ones too, in the meantime my poor brother and his sick partner have had to suffer through no fault of their own.

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Wed Aug 22, 2012 10:40 am

Well blow me down, was with my brother yesterday and whilst he couldn't really talk, slept most of the time, he was taking water through a syringe, whilst there was no doubt he was dying, he is unbelievably thin, his breathing is very shallow and he is either in and out of a coma, or in and out of a very deep sleep, he is a however a good colour and has a pretty strong pulse. Baffling. More baffling still, he woke this morning, spoke asking when dinner is and ate a bowl of ice cream! We reckon this is the first time he has eaten anything for about 3 weeks and he ate it all!!!
I booked a holiday for September, thinking he would have been gone for some time by then and I would need it, now however...................
My brother's partner's daughter has arrived from Oz for 3 months, again, we all thought, she would be here after the event and it would help in comforting MBP, for her daughter it was to be the chance to be with her terminally ill mother, now it looks like it is to help her mother look after my brother. The Marie Curie nurse has started to come regularly now and the ampule incident looks like it was an accounting error, still however, the locked case is there and there has been no explanation as to why the emergency team did not have access the other night. This dying is such a long haul for my brother, who in lucid moments manages to tell us he wants to die, his body however, does not seem to want to go.

littlesister
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:18 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby littlesister » Sun Aug 26, 2012 12:26 pm

Such a long and bloody awful struggle is now over, my big brother died about an hour ago. He taught me about Sinatra, Ella and modern jazz. He took me to nursery, I plagued him and his teenage friends, he looked after me and my children when I came back to this country. He fixed things for me when they broke and we always argued, yet were so much alike in our politics, ethic and our social attitudes. So bloody complicated but at least we were able to express verbally that we loved each other over the last few weeks. Such mixed emotions and now the struggle of his funeral.

laura
Posts: 385
Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:53 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby laura » Sun Aug 26, 2012 3:42 pm

my condolences to you, you, i think, have done all you could and more, your big brother is at peace, and i hope now that you get some too, with love laura xx

Ella50
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:14 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby Ella50 » Sun Aug 26, 2012 4:02 pm

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

I write with deep sadness as I realise the struggle and bravery of our loved ones ..
Your brother is now pain free.. you done him & your family proud.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

Take care.. keep in touch

Love Ella xx

louiepc
Posts: 238
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2011 10:38 pm

Re: brother dying so much unresolved in his life

Postby louiepc » Sun Aug 26, 2012 8:46 pm

I am sorry that your brother has gone, he is now at peace and out of pain. What a strong man he was, you did everything you could for him.

Take care, love louie xxx