A forum for advanced pancreatic cancer issues

Moderator: volmod

Forum rules
Please see the messages in our "Rules" section

The posts on this discussion board are made by members of the General Public and are not intended to constitute medical advice
Dandygal76
Posts: 762
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby Dandygal76 » Mon Jun 27, 2016 6:59 pm

Hey PW, do not torture yourself over what has happened. When we saw Professor xxx he told us that it was likely infection would take dad before the cancer. Their immune systems just weaken. There was nothing you could have done and everything you could do you did it already. I also get the cast my ashes to the sea. I have always had the same wish for myself and my family knows this. I don't want my family to mourn at my grave, I want them to live their lives and be happy. I am sure he had the same thoughts for you. You are strong and you will get through this week. We are here for you. x

boa
Posts: 131
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby boa » Mon Jun 27, 2016 7:12 pm

PW
As others say, many of us struggle with thoughts of the last few days. You did everything you could. My husband's ashes were scattered at sea. His friends with whom he owned a boat did it and stayed on land. I could see where the boat was. They said some poetry and scattered some ashes and then another poem and so on. They said it was special and peaceful.
Catherine

Ant11
Posts: 125
Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2013 8:43 pm

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby Ant11 » Tue Jun 28, 2016 8:53 am

Dearest PW

My heart goes out to you and as your forum family knows exactly what you are going through. As others have said, please try not to beat yourself up. The what ifs always seem to get in the way. We will be thinking of you tomorrow when you celebrate your wonderful hubby's life. Just be yourself and if you cry it doesn’t matter. Tears are a way of washing away your sadness. I spoke at Tracy's celebration and couldn’t read it out loud without crying but on the day, after a few sprays of rescue remedy was able to compose myself and talk. I felt very calm like Tracy was giving me the strength to do what I knew was the last thing I could do personally for her. I also tried to think how Tracy felt for the past 28 months and going through what she did and all because like all our loved ones they just don’t want to leave. The idea of Ashes into Glass is a lovely way to always have them as part of you. Oliver and Georgia are having rings made this way too. Sending you strength and massive hugs PW, in our thoughts and prayers and only at the end of an email when you are ready. Annette xxxxxx

Wife&Mum
Posts: 397
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 3:12 pm

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby Wife&Mum » Tue Jun 28, 2016 1:43 pm

Dear PW, strength, hugs and love from me too for tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you. W&M xxx

sandraW
Posts: 1040
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby sandraW » Tue Jun 28, 2016 2:57 pm

PW, you will manage tomorrow I know you will, as for tears, they are healing and calming so let them flow, if you need to. Trevor too went into hospital, but for a drain fitting, expecting to come home again after a few days, so I know exactly how you are feeling, but perhaps it was better for them that way. And we all want the best for them don't we.
As for the cremation I felt that it was just the envelope that Trevor had used while he was here, and the important documents inside had gone to a better place, but its still very hard to leave them there alone.
I have a pendant made from some of Trevor's ashes its very simple and it just nestles between my breasts so he will be smiling, my sons had it made for me without my knowledge and I wear it always I just feel its part of him. The rest of his ashes are on his side table at home, that was his wish, when I die our ashes will be scattered together, somewhere nice.
I feel for you so much and I am sending ((hugs)) love and strength for tomorrow, I will be thinking of you take care sandrax xx

Dandygal76
Posts: 762
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby Dandygal76 » Tue Jun 28, 2016 3:51 pm

PW, sending you all my love for tomorrow. It will be an amazing send off and you will hold your head up high as that amazing Proud Wife and Proud Mum. And if the tears flow then the tears flow and that is nothing to worry about my lovely. You love him and he is yours to cry over as much as you need to. x

Tinlady
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 2:01 pm

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby Tinlady » Tue Jun 28, 2016 11:55 pm

Thinking of you for tomorrow and going forward xx

PCUK Nurse Jeni
Posts: 1088
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Wed Jun 29, 2016 12:02 pm

Thinking of you today PW.

Jeni.

Marmalade

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby Marmalade » Wed Jun 29, 2016 1:44 pm

HI PW,

We are all thinking about you today, the day here is dark and I am thinking of you in your wonderful yellow and how much your hubby would have loved the fact that he is still lighting up everyones life and making them smile.

Funerals are supposed to be endings but of course they are not. They are a chance for everyone to reflect on and celebrate the life of a good and gentle man. Your husband will be with you in your heart and soul forever and you will see him in the little mannerisms and gestures of your children and their children. His body may be absent but his spirit lives on through them.

My love to you and the family,

M xx

jay
Posts: 407
Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 2:30 pm

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby jay » Wed Jun 29, 2016 2:27 pm

Thinking of you PW
Massive hugs Jayne
x

Didge
Posts: 825
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby Didge » Wed Jun 29, 2016 3:58 pm

Sending you love and hope the day goes as well as these things can xx

Linda G
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:06 pm

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby Linda G » Wed Jun 29, 2016 8:56 pm

Sending you love and strength for today. Hope everything went as planned. It's a difficult day but you will get through it, with your loving family and friends by your side, and thoughts of your strong, brave and wonderful husband.
Linda G
XXX

Dandygal76
Posts: 762
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:49 am

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby Dandygal76 » Thu Jun 30, 2016 8:20 am

Hey PW, I hope all went as well as can be expected yesterday. I am sure you gave him a fine send off. Sending love to you and your son. x

Proud Wife
Posts: 740
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:28 am

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby Proud Wife » Thu Jun 30, 2016 5:06 pm

Thank you all for your good wishes, I am sure that helped the day go smoothly.
Yesterday went as well as it possibly could, we gave him the most fantastic send off in his yellow submarine! The service was lovely, the turnout was great and we couldn't really have done anything better. Catering was wonderful, flowers beautiful, now as for the yellow balloons....

I ordered 50 which were helium filled which were delivered in 5 batches of 10 balloons, covered in plastic. Because they were helium filled, they floated to the top of the ceiling which was fine. As everyone came in the house, all 5 started to move around as though they were walking on the ceiling which was funny to watch. About half an hour later one of 5 bundled dropped from the ceiling to head height and came up to my son and I, bouncing off of us. Everyone stopped to watch in wonder. It made its way around the room and then flew through out of the room into the garden and up into the sky. You could say that the draft from the open door made it move but dropping to head height is rather odd for newly filled helium balloons. Especially as the only 2 people it "bumped" into were my son and I! It had a life of its own - We were all certain it was hubby making him presence known.

On the centre island in my kitchen (I have an open plan downstairs) I'd used as a drinks bar. There were loads of bottles of wine, beers, fruit juices, soft drinks and different types of spirits. I was just saying (or perhaps nagging) about how hubby had continued to smoke during chemotherapy when all of a sudden there was a very loud bang. I looked round to see a bottle of bacardi had smashed on the tiled floor. The waitress who was in the kitchen preparing food was mortified and said she was nowhere near, it just fell. I went over to see that a bottle of Black label was laying on its side which had clearly fallen and knocked the bacardi onto the floor.
Now, I haven't drunk any alcohol for years as I'm not a drinker but I'd been having a few bacardis to help me calm me down. BACARDI IS MY DRINK AND BLACK LABEL WAS HIS. Out of all the different bottles that were on the table and there were loads, these were the only two bottles involved. Explain that, especially when some friends said no-one was near the drinks table at the time. I think hubby decided to shut me up before I made any further comment about him smoking!

Very relieved it's all over but feeling very very very low today. When he was at the funeral directors, he was still with us in body as well as spirit. Now the face and body that I loved so much and the arms that were there to protect me have gone. It's all so final. Going to stop now as tears flowing again.

Thank you again each and everyone of you for you never ending support. It's priceless xxx

PCUK Nurse Dianne
Posts: 287
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:29 pm

Re: Totally in awe of my wonderful Husband!

Postby PCUK Nurse Dianne » Thu Jun 30, 2016 5:26 pm

Dear PW,

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story of a very difficult day I am sure. As others will be in contact, you know many are thinking of you, and of course you know from a nursing support perspective we are here for you into the future as you need. There will be difficult days/weeks and months ahead we cannot deny that, however you are a strong lady and will find some peace in the future.

Please do not hesitate to be in contact if we can support in any way, we always have time to listen and that comes free of charge.

Thinking of you.

On behalf of all the nurses at PCUK.