A forum for advanced pancreatic cancer issues

Moderator: volmod

Forum rules
Please see the messages in our "Rules" section

The posts on this discussion board are made by members of the General Public and are not intended to constitute medical advice
sandraW
Posts: 1039
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby sandraW » Sun Aug 03, 2014 12:16 am

Well that's better news for you all, at least your mum is getter better care than we thought, which is good. The trouble is like all mum's she won't want to be a nuisance, so won't ask for her pain relief. Lets hope they get the care package sorted so she can come home, its good she is feeling better, take care sandrax

Mum2three
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2014 7:56 pm

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby Mum2three » Wed Aug 06, 2014 8:07 am

Just to let you all know my mother passed away in hospital yesterday. They told us they were going to sort everything for her to be cared for at home on Monday. My mother was devistated because she thought she was actually going home on Monday, shed been in over a week. Her last conherent day was spent begging us and staff to let her go home. She actually said she'd die in hospital and she couldn't hold on much longer. We were called in 5 am yesterday. She was not conscious but would look at you now and then or make small movements. She started becoming more alert at one point but obviously in distress but she was trying to speak but words wouldn't come out. The only things she managed to say were what's wrong with me, oh mam and oh dear. The last two she often said when in a lot of pain so more morphine and she didn't react at all after that. I managed to have sometime alone with her in the morning. I told her she was the best mam I could have asked for and thanked her for everything shed done for me and told her I loved. Her expression changed like she wanted to say something back but she couldn't. Watching dad in her last moments was heart renching. Her breathing was laboured and just very slowly got shallower and shallower and finally stopped at 6.45 pm. The hardest thing I've ever had to do is watch her suffer every breath, I know people say they don't suffer but it looked like suffering where I was sitting.
They found signs infection in her blood last week and another blood test Monday showed suspected sepsis. She had antibiotics but bviously too late, too weak.... Had a tough night, keep thinking of where she is right now, just want to take her home and tuck her into bed. Love you mam x x x

Bowie
Posts: 115
Joined: Sat May 03, 2014 10:35 pm

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby Bowie » Wed Aug 06, 2014 8:35 am

I am so very sorry to hear your news. It was good that you were able to tell your mam you loved her at the end. My thoughts are with you, your dad and the rest of your family.

Fiona X

Sueoliver
Posts: 519
Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 8:22 pm

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby Sueoliver » Wed Aug 06, 2014 8:41 am

I am so so sorry to hear your news. I am so glad you told your mum all the things you did. Your post has reduced me to tears so I just want to say take care and stay strong. Thinking of you. Sue x

Birchen
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Sep 05, 2013 1:53 pm

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby Birchen » Wed Aug 06, 2014 9:10 am

So very sorry for your loss. Your post certainly brought tears to my eyes. Take care Lyn x

PCUK Nurse Jeni
Posts: 1087
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby PCUK Nurse Jeni » Wed Aug 06, 2014 9:50 am

Hi there,

So sorry to hear of your mum's passing after such a short time. Sorry to hear that she did not get home but it looks as if it would have been very tricky to get that organised and possibly did not expect her to go downhill as she did.

Please accept the condolences of the support team, as well as the wider Pancreatic Cancer UK charity. We are all very aware working in this environment the devastating the impact it leaves on those left behind.

Our thoughts are with you.

Kind regards,

Jeni, Support Team.

nikkis
Posts: 513
Joined: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:29 am

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby nikkis » Wed Aug 06, 2014 11:05 am

Hi there,
So sorry to hear your Mum has lost her fight and did not make it home, but glad to hear you were with her at the end. Your love for your Mum shines through your posts and I hope that you know in the weeks to come that you did your absolute best for her.
Take care of yourself, thinking of you and your family,

Nikki

Slewis7313
Posts: 688
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 8:48 pm

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby Slewis7313 » Wed Aug 06, 2014 11:57 am

I can only reiterate what our friends on the forum have already stated. Please take care of yourself and your family through what will be a difficult time. There are a number of people here who have already been through this and I am sure they will be able to support you in many ways.


Steve

X

wackywacky
Posts: 99
Joined: Thu May 01, 2014 10:25 am

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby wackywacky » Wed Aug 06, 2014 1:35 pm

Hi don't know what to say not good at this take care thinking about you x

brodders
Posts: 65
Joined: Fri Jun 20, 2014 7:51 pm

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby brodders » Wed Aug 06, 2014 1:43 pm

So sorry to hear your sad news. It truly is a terrible time. I have been through it, my mum was diagnosed early February and died at the end of April. All I can say is grieve you have too it's normal. I have got strength from my mums strength but it is hard. A way I have got through it is my mum couldn't have continued living how she did in her last 2 months, little food, not going out, so v v tired etc etc. please take care lots of love Cate xx

Didge
Posts: 825
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:35 am

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby Didge » Wed Aug 06, 2014 9:05 pm

so sorry and thinking of you. Hope you get some comfort from knowing she is at peace now and no longer suffering and that you were with her at the end x

LMD
Posts: 120
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby LMD » Wed Aug 06, 2014 10:06 pm

So sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort knowing your dear mum went to sleep knowing how much you and your family love her. Thinking of you all x

J_T
Posts: 954
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:15 am

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby J_T » Wed Aug 06, 2014 11:20 pm

So sorry for you loss.

Take care.

Julia x

belgrade
Posts: 157
Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 11:53 pm

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby belgrade » Wed Aug 06, 2014 11:48 pm

So sorry to hear your Mum has lost her fight, but take comfort that she is no longer in pain and her suffering is over. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Take care,

Hilary

Mum2three
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2014 7:56 pm

Re: How long and how much will mum suffer

Postby Mum2three » Thu Aug 07, 2014 6:45 am

Thank you all, the huge amount of replies means a lot. I've been feeling like I failed her and dad, as it was me who did the work in terms of finding out what help was out there and talking to, doctors, social workers etc. but in the end I failed at getting the one thing they wanted. I know this a normal grieving thing. In dads yesterday I noticed a calling card, the nurse had called to assess her bed, let's just say I used some bad language. I'll be happier when we've got her out of the hospital. I spent the first night thinking of her lying in a mortuary and wanting to carrying her out of there and put her in her own bed. Sometimes it feels like nothing has happened and she's just in hospital, if that makes sense, then it hits you she's gone.
My dad was like a trooper yesterday. He's thrown himself into organising and he's doing a fantastic job. Mam would be very proud of him. Thank you all again, I wasn't going to come in here again but I'm glad I did.